Edit: I removed the ability to make comments on this post. Given what was being said, it’s the kind of commentary I didn’t want my friend to have to read – one reason I didn’t post the whole story in the first place. I was angry, but I’ve moved past it. Life is too short and friendships are too valuable. I know you’ll understand.
Some of you may have seen a notification of a post called “Well that was a bad idea.” You’re not crazy. But it was published and taken down within a matter of minutes. It was a mistake.
It doesn’t happen often that I elect to take down posts – in fact, only twice in the history of my blog. When I was breaking up with fellow blogger Johnny Id I steadfastly refused to do anything but post it all here. We met as bloggers, he knew I wrote about everything, and I prioritized my need to keep this space as my own, with my truth, over keeping it private between us. It was divisive and ugly.
There’s a difference between knowing the truth and seeing it shared publicly.
However, the story of Ali / Sevag / HWSNBN was removed because I was quite literally being threatened. My personal safety was in question and as much as I wanted to keep the story up, it wasn’t worth the risk.
This time, the thing that is a risk is a friendship, and ultimately, as much as I wrote a post that I think is balanced and fair, and is from my perspective, there’s a friend on the other end.
So what the fuck happened,? I met that guy for a coffee date. It was amazing: the aftermath wasn’t. Turns out I shouldn’t go on dates where there are blurred lines between the guy and one of my friends. I should have known better. So it’s done with him.
After kissing him goodbye at my front door at the end of our epic first dinner date, I floated up the stairs and texted him to say thank you for the amazing night. I also gave him my real mobile number so we could get off the sluggish burner app.
He replied with a simple “good night, text you there tomorrow”.
The next morning, the other man I’d agreed to meet from POF cancelled our date. He too is moving houses and he said while he wasn’t normally this flighty, he really needed more time to deal with the house and his children. It was fine by me, I was exhausted.
As promised, Jack texted. He asked how I slept then remembered I was supposed to be at brunch (I didn’t tell him who with) and I replied that it was blissfully cancelled and asked him how he was doing. He didn’t reply. Continue reading →
It didn’t take long after sitting on my couch before we started kissing again. We’d had almost four hours of talking and there was no need for any more.
Luxuriating in a kiss is truly one of life’s great pleasures. There’s a time and place for moving quickly, but this wasn’t one of them. Jack and I had amazing kissing chemistry. I’m a responsive lover: I will often match someone’s pace and style, which is likely why I’m told I’m an great kisser. In this case, we were already well matched.
Jack was slow to take things further. This was not a five-minutes-of-kissing-then-shove-a-hand-down-my-pants experience. He took his time to explore.
[Part 3 of our date is coming, but I wasn’t in the right head space yesterday to write it – Jack and I have had a slight communication hiccup (I’m sure that’s all it is) – and I knew it would affect my accurate depiction of the rest of our night together. So here’s a post I’d scheduled originally for tomorrow.]
It’s the difference between “sure, this is okay” and “FUCK YES”. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. I did about Kyle, but his unresponsiveness killed it. He was a “fuck yes” for me, but I wasn’t for him. (And if you haven’t read the Mark Manson article on it, check it out here). Online dating sometimes serves up a great potential match.
When the intellectual and physical chemistry is truly there, all others fall away. And if they don’t, that person isn’t doing it for you.
I hid my POF profile on Sunday. I told the two men I was having conversations with that I was going offline because I’d met someone I wanted to focus on, but if I came back I would reach out. They both replied they appreciated the message and wished me luck. Continue reading →
We drove to the restaurant, talking about driving styles, swearing with our children in the car, and again it was just easy and seamless. The kind of conversation of people who have known each other forever…or who just “click”.
We parked near the restaurant. I didn’t wait for him to come open my door – it didn’t even occur to me. Unlike Fox, I was not scolded. Fox would get super irritated when I’d dare open my own door. I enjoy a gentleman but his rigidity was unattractive.
As Jack and I walked, I noted his shoulder seemed lower than mine, and I wondered whether I was actually taller than he. It didn’t matter – of course I’d like someone taller but it is not a deal breaker. Continue reading →
I’m going to preface this post by saying I know 100% that there is no way to know if something is going to work out, after two dates. I know this right to my core. I can quickly assess intellectual and physical chemistry, but the emotional / behavioral can kill a relationship.
I’ve sacrificed some intellectual and physical chemistry for the sake of strong emotional chemistry, and ultimately that doesn’t work. I’ve found incredible intellectual and physical, just to later experience an emotional mismatch.
But Jack has the potential for all three. I’m over the moon at the moment and am determined to enjoy it. Continue reading →
I’m on a plane flying home from New York, where I’ve been the last several days. It was wonderful but I always look forward to getting home after too many nights in a hotel room. A breakfast of bacon, eggs, some toast and coffee should not cost $35 US.
I did not seek a debaucherous vacation, nor did debauchery find me anyway. As you know, sometimes it comes to you. I am however sporting four very large hickeys on the front of my neck, with no concealer to be found. But that’s not the reason I’m writing at the moment.
My level of patience and optimism with my dating life has been cyclical – right now I’m in a place where the lack of common decency shown by so many gets to me. It’s not just my experience, it’s those of my friends as well. Continue reading →
I am not one for evocative sex writing. In my opinion, I don’t write erotica – I don’t write sex well (although some of you have kindly said I do, so thank you), I don’t have the words to describe body parts other than their slang or actual term, or sexual activities and can’t make everything sound beautiful or sexy.
But I suppose those of you who read, aren’t reading because I can make things sound like a Harlequin romance.