Dan the Plumber still lives

If you’ve been monitoring my “men in the mix” page you’ll have seen that Dan the plumber is still around. He is an odd duck in a very cute package.

He texts me every morning and every night. He constantly asks what I’m doing – to an annoying degree. We haven’t had sex in weeks. But did I mention he’s cute?

Continue reading

The universe has a sense of humor.

Harper told me once he didn’t believe in fate or things happening for a reason. It was a happy accident the Tinder algorithm decided to show my profile to him. I don’t know what I believe – is it true you get what you put out into the universe? That the universe sends you signs all the time, the key is being open to them?

Could it be someone or something cares enough about what I do that Harper finding out about my blog is the universe punishing me for any perceived misdeeds with Tony?

I don’t know. I’m a practical sort: I actually don’t spend a lot of my time thinking those big universe type thoughts. I’d like to believe in karma and reincarnation. According to a noted psychic, in one of my past lives, I was a very powerful healer. Dunno. But I do live my life as if it’s the only one I have. Continue reading

It’s over before it really got started.

All the Harper posts are down, as you may notice. He informed me today that a friend of his told him about my blog. Someone who doesn’t know my real life identity, apparently. Which seems inconceivable, but given I seem to be insanely unlucky with ugly coincidences, I suppose it’s plausible.

He read a bit about himself. Not sure if he read anything else.

So that’s it. He “called it”. Said he needed his life to be simple. We’d only been on two dates, he just got out of his 25-year marriage, and was busy traveling in December… all said to impress on me that his ending it was no big deal.

There was nothing I could say to change his mind. I apologized via text after we hung up the phone and said while yes, we’d only had two dates, I felt a compatibility I’d rarely found and hoped at some point he’d reconsider.

Then I sat at my kitchen counter sobbing for a good long while.

You can train for Axe, but not for kindness.

Life has been a little hectic the last few weeks. Not just with sex parties and disappointment, but also time with friends and some additional work responsibilities that have made my days far more intense.

I didn’t want to get too behind on writing so I put up two posts about Ray, the one who reached out on FetLife and with whom I had an unconventional but nice first date.

Some of you may have noticed I didn’t talk much about Ray; just how things went down with us. It was deliberate but only so I could get through the date itself. He’s an interesting guy and is yet another man who makes me think through what I want, versus what I actually need, and how the two intersect. Continue reading

The world is small, the dating world, smaller.

Two of my friends are freshly separated – less than a year. They are in the midst of negotiating settlements and getting used to their new normal. Both have recently started dating and we have an ongoing three-way text chat to share our highs and lows. And dick pics.

The first friend is looking only for casual sex. She’s on Adult Friend Finder. One guy she met had the same name as someone I went on one date with, perhaps three years ago. It’s not a common name but not rare, either. She shared a picture (as we tend to do) and I didn’t recognize him.

They went on a date a week or so later. She mentioned they went back to his place, where it was located, and that he had some erection trouble. My spidey sense tingled. “Hey, can you share a pic?” I asked, via text. 

Oh good lord.

It was the same guy. The first pic he had sunglasses on but the second was his LinkedIn profile.

The hilarity ensued. I don’t think I wrote about him – if I did it’s buried in a text about dating fails – because as nice as our date was, he was weird when we got back to his place and he wasn’t able to perform. Hence why he’s not on my “men I had sex with” list.

What we both found funny is we are polar opposites in looks – I’m blonde, fair, and curvy, and she is a dark-skinned, lithe athlete. He has good taste, that’s for sure.

They had a rather chill fuck buddy situation for several weeks. She never told him we knew each other lest it freak him out. 

Then yesterday I was hanging out with the other friend. She’d had a good first date with a man named Leo who was from the same country as my Leo. But not the same guy – we checked. I asked her if she had any more dates lined up.

“Not really,” she said, “but there’s another guy from [foreign country] who is there right now but I may see him when he’s back”.

Hmm. Same country as someone I used to date. But that’s common. Still.

“What’s his name?”

“Sevag.”

Ummm. 

“Hey do you have a picture?” 

It was him. He Who Shall Not Be Named. I told her the highlights of our story, which are removed from the blog – the intense first few dates, his third date declaration of love, his stalking my social media which led to his finding my blog, his descent into crazy jealousy, the threats and the police getting involved.

She isn’t going to keep in touch with him. I hated being the bearer of bad news, but she doesn’t like what she now knows he’s capable of.

Oh, and she used to be best friends with Tony’s again-wife, and she’s work friends with Jack’s ex-wife.

I live in a big city and continue to be amazed at how small it seems to be. I suspect this will keep happening. 

dating like teenagers

What are we, 16?

There was the epic makeout session that felt like the long-ago days of being in the basement, listening for parents feet on the stairs so as not to get caught with tongues down throats and hands down pants. The early days of dating can be so much fun.

There is the feeling of not being able to get enough of someone.

I’m not relationship dumb like I was at 16, but it doesn’t mean I’m not acting like a teen at times. Continue reading

Jake, not Jack

It had been many months since we’d seen each other. When I activated my profile on Plenty of Fish, he was there. I was a bit surprised since I figured his contribution to our mutual fadeaway was having met someone else. He sent me a short message and we quickly established the fade wasn’t deliberate on either of our parts. He thought I was no longer interested, and I told him since he’d left my last text message hanging and never reached out again, he had moved on.

Wrong.

He’s a parent as well, so finding a time to meet is never a slam dunk. But we settled on a date to go to a sporting event together, and when he expressed dismay at having almost two weeks to see me, we agreed he would come over one evening as well.

I have always liked his physicality. He’s a tall man at 6’3″, and is also big. He’s broad shouldered and bulky. He’s gained some weight and ironically perhaps is the same weight as Leo, but his physicality is so different it didn’t literally or figuratively get in the way.

He greeted me with a big messy kiss. I didn’t remember his kisses being so… wet. It got better throughout the night but I’ve got to say, if your partner needs to wipe their mouth and face after a kiss, tone it down.

He’d told me he hadn’t had sex in a while, but I still expected a little more conversation before he wanted to go upstairs. But I was happy to be in the capable hands of a good partner. 

I’ve said before about Jake: he’s got the right mix for a casual partner. He’s a technically proficient lover, and he’s also sensual and emotional. He’s not the fuck-and-leave type. Nor does he want to sleep over. He loves to please his partner, and I’m quite willing to be on the receiving end.

The sex was great. I was reminded that someone’s weight is not necessarily a predictor of their physical capability. Where Leo could only handle one position and only went down on me twice, Jake expertly moved me from back to front, took me from the end of my bed with him standing on the floor, made me squirt, cum from oral, and the list goes on.

We missed our sporting-event-then-sex date because I was felled with a migraine. I thought perhaps he would come over just to hang it and perhaps increase my blood flow (it helps with my migraines) but he chose to spend time with his son instead.

Shortly after, Jack asked for exclusivity and I said yes. 

I let Jake know via text (I don’t think we’ve ever spoken on the phone):

Hey Jake – hope you had a good week and some fun planned for the weekend?

I wanted to let you know I met someone I met on POF who prefers to date one person at a time… he may have some potential so I’ve agreed to do that. Figure I will know pretty quickly whether there’s anything real with him…

But it does mean I’m not going to mess around with anyone else in the meantime.

I know you’ll understand and I do want to keep in touch if you’re okay with that.

He was totally cool with it. We both know it could happen with either of us and I appreciate him being chill instead of weird.
He said he hoped it would work out for me. Which is the sign of a quality  dude, given he’s perhaps permanently losing a lover.

I choose well.

dating Jack

Starting to settle in: dating Jack

The conversations with Jack are starting to meld together. It’s the problem when living my life outpaces my ability to write about it. I’m going to try to get caught up with this post with our dating status.

We had the kind of fourth date made necessary by single parentdom: a late night visit. It was a three-act play similar to the third date: a drink on my couch with lots of conversation, moving to my bedroom for some good sex, and then talking far too late into the wee hours of the morning.

This time, instead of waiting for me to suggest it, he asked to take me upstairs. I liked it.  Continue reading

when communication styles misalign

After two dates: then, the doubts.

If communication styles between two people aren’t perfectly aligned, as someone highly attuned to it, in the early days of dating it can cause doubts and anxiety until I get comfortable with patterns and see an alignment between words and actions.

Jack was saying all of the right things. He was clear from the start he preferred the more traditional form of dating – just one woman at a time. He explicitly said and wrote I was that woman. He complimented me in his texts about the things he liked about me.

All good.

But I’ve been fooled before. I’ve had great first sexual experiences just to have someone disappear. Shit happens.  Continue reading

after the first dinner date

After two dates: first, the excitement

After kissing him goodbye at my front door at the end of our epic first dinner date, I floated up the stairs and texted him to say thank you for the amazing night. I also gave him my real mobile number so we could get off the sluggish burner app.

He replied with a simple “good night, text you there tomorrow”. 

The next morning, the other man I’d agreed to meet from POF cancelled our date. He too is moving houses and he said while he wasn’t normally this flighty, he really needed more time to deal with the house and his children. It was fine by me, I was exhausted.

As promised, Jack texted. He asked how I slept then remembered I was supposed to be at brunch (I didn’t tell him who with) and I replied that it was blissfully cancelled and asked him how he was doing. He didn’t reply.  Continue reading