Note: I hadn’t finished this post when the “can’t do this” text came in from Bruce. So it’s a little out of order…
On Monday night, I was certain I was going to have a busy week of casual lovers. I’d been with Todd on Sunday night. I had plans with Jake for Tuesday and tentative plans with Clark for Thursday. It felt rather hedonistic.
Sunday night with Todd was exactly what I needed. I was out-of-town for work, arriving in the late evening by plane, and he drove two hours just to see me. We ended up barely talking. Over discussions about American football at the hotel lobby bar, he connected with a colleague of mine. When I met Todd at the bar, I couldn’t exactly ignore my colleague, so we ended up talking more than Todd and I. Continue reading →
This topic has been rumbling around in my back of my head for a few years, but I didn’t know how to articulate it until now.
How do I prioritize my life? What is my life made up of? Friends, family, my child, work, and my own needs, including dating/sex.
I’ve said many times that since my split, rebuilding relationships with friends and family has been a priority. I can confidently say I’ve made it happen, and of this, I’m very proud. Continue reading →
Bruce evaporated Friday night. His radio silence was highly unusual. I’ve tried to recreate the mental paths I went down during this time, so my actions are contextualized. My Mom and my friends generally concurred with my analysis and helped me figure out what to do. One friend was convinced he’d ghosted or was lying about being single, but she was the exception. I promised myself if either of those were true, I would take a real break from dating. I was 90% sure he’d lost his phone, but that remaining 10% thought something serious had happened.
Hmm that’s weird he hasn’t texted me yet. He said he was going to sleep early, so not replying last night is feasible. But he always sends good morning texts.
Let me check Whatsapp.
Oh, he hasn’t been online there since last night 6:20pm. Guess he did crash early. Continue reading →
That’s probably not a fair title, but right now it feels that way. I’ve been home for days and I still haven’t seen him. Worse, we don’t have a firm plan in place.
I returned on Wednesday afternoon. When I was away, we made plans to see each other for a date Friday night. I knew even if he couldn’t stop by on Wednesday or Thursday for an after-work kiss, we had Friday locked down. Continue reading →
It’s funny how things work sometimes; especially love and heartbreak.
There have been numerous Tony “incidents” in the last couple of months which have stung. From breaking a four-year seal on photos of his “ex” wife on Instagram on my birthday, to his taking a vacation with his wife for her 40th birthday, sans child, for the first time in ages. There are several examples, all shitty – for me.
Intellectually, its interesting to decompose the various scenarios and try to understand her perspective. There are a few options – she’s either an innocent in all of this and has no idea what he’s up to, to the other extreme of she suspects./ knows and is putting him through his paces to prove his love before she pushes him to move back in.
As you may have read a little over 12 hours ago, I was set to meet Fox this morning to give him his stuff (at his request). Pyjamas, a sweater, a KISS t-shirt, theater tickets. I included a little gift I’d bought for Maria when I was away.
He had requested there be no “scene”. He wanted it to be very transactional – here’s your bag, here’s your book, goodbye.
The night Fox left for his week-long business trip, I went to his house for dinner and dropped him off at the airport.
That night I spent an hour chatting with a nephew who was temporarily living with him between graduation and a job relocation. It was nice to see Fox in Uncle mode.
Then I met his daughter who is about to turn 17 – she was coming upstairs for a minute to grab a few things prior to a concert. Sixty seconds of teenager; I’d forgotten what it’s like. Fox had bought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday and I offered her one. Then she was gone.
I couldn’t have messed up the minute too badly because she reported back that I “seem nice”. As did his nephew. As have his friends. Continue reading →
When I was on vacation I did a lot of thinking about Tony. I was able to get to a place where I truly could let go of him emotionally. You can read about it here and here.
And no, it doesn’t mean I was able to cut off all emotions – it doesn’t work that way. I spent too long cramming feelings into dark recesses in my heart. I’m letting myself feel everything. What it does mean is I finally internalized the knowledge he can’t give me what I need, and continuing to see him on a few-week or monthly basis doesn’t do me any good. Continue reading →
My birthday was Tuesday. Fox is away on a business trip, but made me dinner and sang “Happy Birthday” to me on Saturday night before I dropped him at the airport.
So I wasn’t too sure whether there would be anything else from him on my birthday.
I woke up to a lovely text from him. Liam made me a latte (I must be doing something right as a parent). I fielded a phone calls from Will and my Mom and Step-Dad, and some early Facebook and text well-wishes.
Liam brought me breakfast in bed (a family tradition; I picked yogurt with granola and berries to make it easy for him) and we hung out. I enjoyed how pleased my little son was at doing a nice thing for me. He told me later he could make me a coffee every morning. Continue reading →