A picture of a tall man for texts

Kyle’s 5 day postmortem.

Monday was the date where Kyle said he’d like to see more of me, and agreed he would try to be more responsive to texts. I figured it would be good for me to write about how things go with him, to help keep me honest. Not that I’m not honest… but it’s easier to ignore a reality I don’t like when it’s not staring me in the face.

Hy and I share a quirk which I find interesting – and it’s about how we perceive time. I’ve written about this in relation to Tony and I don’t think I got my point across very well. I’m not sure exactly why this is, but I tend to think more time has passed than it has.  Continue reading

I’m in a weird – but good – place. 

I need to keep this quick because it’s WAY past my bedtime. 

I’m away for work again, another short stint. A conversation with a girlfriend last night got me thinking, and after dinner at her place I decided to walk home to clear my head and hopefully my sinuses. Because yeah, I got my kid’s cold. 

While my head stayed stuffed up, some things became clear.

I really like not having to answer to anyone, and am enjoying my personal freedom at the moment. I almost titled this post “I’m a raging slut” but then realized a) that’s not my core message, and b) “slut” is such a judgy word, and I’m cool with my actions. 

It occurred to me yesterday I have three casual lovers, all black, hung, and super hot, and I’m very lucky for it. They are infrequent lovers, especially Todd, but Lewis and Clark are around enough given how busy I am. 

What is so different for me now than three years ago is I am quite content with the pace of their communications. They reach out when they can and I genuinely don’t notice when it’s been a few days between texts. I’m not fussed. We know exactly what the deal is with each other, and are content with the status quo.

I also have a man who is very keen on deepening our relationship, and who so far has proven to be okay with my blog-big-reveal and the knowledge we aren’t exclusive. Leo and I have seen each other a few times in the last few weeks and it’s been nice. It’s lovely to have someone desire me the way he does. It’s good spending time with him, and I’m not expending much effort worrying about whether it will work out.

Que sera, sera.

A guy I met on Adult Friend Finder last summer (or maybe fall?) who I never ended up meeting – he cancelled a coffee date last minute – texted me out of the blue. He said he’d been travelling for the last 6 months and remembered we’d had good conversations and he asked if we could meet for a coffee.

Sure, why not? Perhaps it will happen next week, but if doesn’t, that’s okay too.

I’m not blasé about my interactions – I’ve had times before where I don’t feel much of anything – but I’m chill. I’m enjoying what’s in my direct path, and focusing on friends and family and work. 

I think that’s an okay place to be. 

Wading through shallow waters to find a deep end.

I hid my bumble profile again, leaving it open only to those who have connected with me. I got bored and tired of the interactions, and the few conversations just withered. I haven’t missed it.

After talking to Hy Jones, I decided to see what Adult Friend Finder had in store for me. Some of the most awesome and accepting men I’ve met came from the naughty section of a dating site I joined when first single, or from FetLife, and Hy swears there are men looking for similar things as me on AFF.

I’ve been pretty lucky to have met a number of men who are sexually open and interested in exploring. Even Fox surprised me with his kinks and interests. Maybe I bring it out in men; I suppose it’s possible. But certainly there were a number who were not my sexual match in the slightest. Continue reading

3 Night of 2am – Night 2 (part 3)

I will save all of you the effort of typing to say: I KNOW.

I KNOW I’M SELF-FLAGELLATING MYSELF (to use the words of the ever-wise Hyacinth Jones).

There. I’ve saved you the effort of typing.

I’ve been avoiding writing about Tony because it feels it will come across as all the same. There are shifts in what’s happening and how I’m pulling away but they are admittedly subtle and unlikely to come across as any progress whatsoever. I will reassure all of you naysayers there is absolutely progress in this little brain of mine. I’m very close to where I need to be and I never thought it would take so long to get there. Continue reading

Mr. Fox came to my party & I hid my dating profiles

I have a party three times a year. The summer and winter ones are wine tastings, and the fall one was a “sausage and nuts” party (get it?!)

My party has been a key milestone in a few of the relationships I’ve had in the past two years. I broke up with Naked Ironing Man after he bailed in January 2014. Johnny Id was at my August 2014 party (he wrote a few posts about the party, which were fun for me to read). Tony came to the February 2015 party and it made me so very happy he’d put in the effort.

My last party was last week. I impulsively invited Fox. Given his schedule constraints I knew if he didn’t come, I wouldn’t see him for far too long a time (meaning, over a week). I also figured why the heck not; it was a good way to see how he interacted with my friends and how he was in social situations. Continue reading

Saturday plans: Tennis, Lunch, a Craigslist sale, and a nice f*ck.

Let me take you back, since I’m writing a bit out of sequence. Two weeks ago, I was experiencing a slowly disappearing man and had rekindled and quickly snuffed out my interactions with Tony.

Mr. Fetlife hadn’t responded to a text for several days, and the Teacher who was super keen ended up not being able to make any date work before a two-week vacation, so he was out of the picture.

The Accountant was being kind of creepy. He and I had pretty much stopped texting. He didn’t ask me out again, but if he had I’d decided to give it another chance. But then he came across my profile on Adult Friend Finder and his interest was reinvigorated. He messaged me there and on OK Cupid. He started texting me again.

He told me he’d taken my AFF profile pic (it’s half in shadow), lightened it, and said I looked great. It felt creepy. Continue reading