Kissing in the rain | Another first date story (part 1)

He favorited me on Plenty of Fish and then didn’t message me. I figured (hoped) it was simply a matter of time. He is a handsome, dark-skinned, 6’2″ finance professional with an MBA. He is separated with a young daughter, has lived in multiple cities, went to college on a sports scholarship, and likes to dance.

While I wanted to reach out to him, I stuck to my rules and didn’t message him.

Then late last week, he reached out. He was bold and polite – commenting on my profile and asking if he could take me for a drink. I said I would love to but was visiting a girlfriend for the weekend.

Will asked if he could have Liam on Monday night. So I first offered Monday to someone I have yet to meet in person (a very sweet teacher from POF), but he wasn’t available. I then asked Mr Fetlife, but he had to work. I therefore planned to actually get some non dating things done that night. Continue reading

Kissing in the rain | Another first date story (part 2)

[Part One]

Coming out of the bathroom and picking up my phone, I’m saying to myself “PLEASE HAVE TEXTED ME” and “ANN DON’T GET LIKE THIS” at the exact same time. I unlock my phone and I see he’s sent me a text:

rain 1

I do a little dance around my bedroom. I practically squeal “OMG HE’S NOT A BAD TEXTER!!” Continue reading

Wherein I make the next move and uncover what’s in his pants.

With the early morning text exchange with Lewis, I felt optimism. A nice feeling, for a change. He was flirty and sexy without being crass. I liked it.

We texted off and on throughout the day, sharing some jokes along the way. I’d been busy at work with the new role – finally – and it helped me to not worry about whether a few hours had passed without my hearing from him.

Our first date was Monday night. Through Wednesday morning, we exchanged relatively steady, if infrequent, text messages. He wasn’t as consistent as the school teacher, but he’s definitely not a bad texter.

I started to realize my schedule was conspiring against me. I also started to wonder whether he was going to ask me out again. Continue reading

The beating of my cervix. Then a slow fade.

So the last we heard of Lewis, he was on my couch showing me his massive cock. Well, massive for me. I’m sure it’s all relative.

That was Wednesday night. We planned to see each other the following Tuesday. Even if he turned out to not be relationship potential, I was really excited to experience someone of his size. Shallow, perhaps, but I wanted it to happen. If needed, I was even going to break one of my texting guidelines (generally let them set the pace of communications) in order for that to happen.

Thursday morning I sent him a “good morning handsome” text. No response. At 1pm I told him he was responsible for my inability to focus on my work. He said:

“Good Afternoon! Me? Innocent little me? Well…I’m sorry but it was worth it! I pictured you on your hands and knees and I was eating your pussy and ass out from behind…then I slept like a baby…”

It’s funny how the gut works.  Continue reading

The 48-hour aftermath 

Breakups always suck, but the amount of suckage is relative. I don’t feel like that’s a particularly profound statement but it’s what I’ve got for you right now.

As my breakup with Tony goes, it’s a doozy.

It’s not so much that I doubt the decision we made (and yes, it was we; I knew deep down what was likely to happen when I drew my line in the sand). I’m at peace with the decision and I am relieved to not have that awful feeling of mistrust and unsatisfied yearning of my heart.

What makes me sad is the loss of him as part of my day-to-day life. What has me sobbing is the losing one of the strongest connections I’ve ever had with a man.  Continue reading

I tried to sweat, talk, and fuck him out of my system.

I’ve written a few times that my weight is higher than I want – and not in a vague “oh gee I should weigh less” way, but a “jeez NONE of my suits fit” way. A practical and financial dilemma as my entire wardrobe was literally downsized when my weight went down a couple of years ago and remained stable.

I started seeing a trainer in late November and he made it hard for me to function courtesy of his short but all-body workouts on a torture device called the TRX. Sometimes I can barely lift my arms to wash my hair afterwards.

I started to also go to the gym on my own to get on the treadmill. Once before Christmas, and a couple of times afterwards. My Mom got me a basic Fitbit for Christmas which has been great to know how much of a slug I usually am. I’m starting a new project at work and am in a slight lull this week and decided to get my ass into the gym. I have plans every day but there is no reason I can’t go after work for a little bit. It’s better than going home and drowning my sorrows in alcohol and left over holiday treats. Continue reading

How does this happen so quickly, and talking to Tony.

This happens enough that I wonder if there’s some truth to an ability to just “put things out into the universe”. I won’t profess to know either way, but it does make for fun blog posts if nothing else. I can think of at least three past blog posts similar to this one.

Last week, the day I had my morning talk with Tony, I heard from none other than the Comedian. He’d gone silent in the early summer after a string of romantic and sweet messages to me. I figured he had a girlfriend and just couldn’t figure out how to stay in touch as friends.  Continue reading

Opening my OK Cupid profile is not a sign I’m damaged.

In a recent post I made a one-off comment about reopening my OK Cupid profile.

The act was not some admission or proof of my being desperate for a boyfriend or needing someone in my life who gently tucks my hair behind an ear and holds it tightly when he takes me from behind.

I’m good at listening to my gut (even when I choose to ignore it, I usually know what it’s saying). There is no desperation or pull of neediness. My self esteem is not damaged by what happened with Fox or Tony.

On the contrary, I feel fucking awesome about being able to stand up for what I needed in both relationships. Continue reading

F*cking Lewis and Clark | An MFM Story

Lewis and I have kept up infrequent contact since I reached out to him after Chapter Two ended with Tony.

He went on a long string of daily gif texts – all MFM threesomes with two black men and a white woman, usually blonde. Sometimes many black men with one woman. All in all it was hot, but sometimes disconcerting to receive in the middle of a meeting when I’m playing corporate Barbie.

He arranged for us to get together with another couple but I cancelled it – I simply wasn’t up to those kinds of shenanigans at the time. I took a rain check.A second time we arranged for an MFM, the second gentleman, Clark, cancelled. I actually can’t remember if Lewis and I got together anyway. I know I’ve seen him a couple of times at least since things ended with Tony. Continue reading

i quit online dating

I didn’t even last a week online dating.

It has been over a month after the final blowout with He Who Shall Not be Named. While I feel different and very tentative about dating, earlier this week I thought why not just open up my dating profiles again and see what happens.

The last time, I met someone who seemed awesome pretty quickly. Given my dating rules, online dating doesn’t take up much time or energy. It’s pretty low stress. I know we had debates here whether I was ready, but it wasn’t a big deal to me.

Continue reading