Blech. Leo Redux.

Ever since I broke up with him, Leo has been asking me out every couple of weeks.

“Hey Ann how about a drink after work on Wednesday?” he will text. I’ve consistently said no. I’ve even said (gently) that since we broke up, I wasn’t interested in continuing to date.

“It’s just as friends, Ann” he’d protest. “You have a friend for life.” Continue reading

I’m recovering. Kinda.

This is going to be short. It’s late at night, I’ve had too much red wine, I’m tired, sad, and my gut hurts.

I had my gallbladder out a week ago. Those of you who follow me on Instagram would know, but I didn’t write about it. I’ve been recovering and just went back into the office today. I experienced a common after-effect of surgery – depression – which thankfully didn’t last but was disconcerting regardless.

The sadness lingers but yesterday I could finally feel it starting to lift. My middle still hurts but each day is an improvement. Bruce has been in touch most days to send me wishes that I’m feeling better. It comforts me he’s been in touch – perhaps he wasn’t lying about it not being me. He’s been consistent in that he’s not calling, not having long conversations. Which is fine. Continue reading

The world is small, the dating world, smaller.

Two of my friends are freshly separated – less than a year. They are in the midst of negotiating settlements and getting used to their new normal. Both have recently started dating and we have an ongoing three-way text chat to share our highs and lows. And dick pics.

The first friend is looking only for casual sex. She’s on Adult Friend Finder. One guy she met had the same name as someone I went on one date with, perhaps three years ago. It’s not a common name but not rare, either. She shared a picture (as we tend to do) and I didn’t recognize him.

They went on a date a week or so later. She mentioned they went back to his place, where it was located, and that he had some erection trouble. My spidey sense tingled. “Hey, can you share a pic?” I asked, via text. 

Oh good lord.

It was the same guy. The first pic he had sunglasses on but the second was his LinkedIn profile.

The hilarity ensued. I don’t think I wrote about him – if I did it’s buried in a text about dating fails – because as nice as our date was, he was weird when we got back to his place and he wasn’t able to perform. Hence why he’s not on my “men I had sex with” list.

What we both found funny is we are polar opposites in looks – I’m blonde, fair, and curvy, and she is a dark-skinned, lithe athlete. He has good taste, that’s for sure.

They had a rather chill fuck buddy situation for several weeks. She never told him we knew each other lest it freak him out. 

Then yesterday I was hanging out with the other friend. She’d had a good first date with a man named Leo who was from the same country as my Leo. But not the same guy – we checked. I asked her if she had any more dates lined up.

“Not really,” she said, “but there’s another guy from [foreign country] who is there right now but I may see him when he’s back”.

Hmm. Same country as someone I used to date. But that’s common. Still.

“What’s his name?”

“Sevag.”

Ummm. 

“Hey do you have a picture?” 

It was him. He Who Shall Not Be Named. I told her the highlights of our story, which are removed from the blog – the intense first few dates, his third date declaration of love, his stalking my social media which led to his finding my blog, his descent into crazy jealousy, the threats and the police getting involved.

She isn’t going to keep in touch with him. I hated being the bearer of bad news, but she doesn’t like what she now knows he’s capable of.

Oh, and she used to be best friends with Tony’s again-wife, and she’s work friends with Jack’s ex-wife.

I live in a big city and continue to be amazed at how small it seems to be. I suspect this will keep happening. 

Jake, not Jack

It had been many months since we’d seen each other. When I activated my profile on Plenty of Fish, he was there. I was a bit surprised since I figured his contribution to our mutual fadeaway was having met someone else. He sent me a short message and we quickly established the fade wasn’t deliberate on either of our parts. He thought I was no longer interested, and I told him since he’d left my last text message hanging and never reached out again, he had moved on.

Wrong.

He’s a parent as well, so finding a time to meet is never a slam dunk. But we settled on a date to go to a sporting event together, and when he expressed dismay at having almost two weeks to see me, we agreed he would come over one evening as well.

I have always liked his physicality. He’s a tall man at 6’3″, and is also big. He’s broad shouldered and bulky. He’s gained some weight and ironically perhaps is the same weight as Leo, but his physicality is so different it didn’t literally or figuratively get in the way.

He greeted me with a big messy kiss. I didn’t remember his kisses being so… wet. It got better throughout the night but I’ve got to say, if your partner needs to wipe their mouth and face after a kiss, tone it down.

He’d told me he hadn’t had sex in a while, but I still expected a little more conversation before he wanted to go upstairs. But I was happy to be in the capable hands of a good partner. 

I’ve said before about Jake: he’s got the right mix for a casual partner. He’s a technically proficient lover, and he’s also sensual and emotional. He’s not the fuck-and-leave type. Nor does he want to sleep over. He loves to please his partner, and I’m quite willing to be on the receiving end.

The sex was great. I was reminded that someone’s weight is not necessarily a predictor of their physical capability. Where Leo could only handle one position and only went down on me twice, Jake expertly moved me from back to front, took me from the end of my bed with him standing on the floor, made me squirt, cum from oral, and the list goes on.

We missed our sporting-event-then-sex date because I was felled with a migraine. I thought perhaps he would come over just to hang it and perhaps increase my blood flow (it helps with my migraines) but he chose to spend time with his son instead.

Shortly after, Jack asked for exclusivity and I said yes. 

I let Jake know via text (I don’t think we’ve ever spoken on the phone):

Hey Jake – hope you had a good week and some fun planned for the weekend?

I wanted to let you know I met someone I met on POF who prefers to date one person at a time… he may have some potential so I’ve agreed to do that. Figure I will know pretty quickly whether there’s anything real with him…

But it does mean I’m not going to mess around with anyone else in the meantime.

I know you’ll understand and I do want to keep in touch if you’re okay with that.

He was totally cool with it. We both know it could happen with either of us and I appreciate him being chill instead of weird.
He said he hoped it would work out for me. Which is the sign of a quality  dude, given he’s perhaps permanently losing a lover.

I choose well.

defining attraction and appeal

Defining attraction and appeal

A recent post by a fellow blogger got me thinking about what really matters to me in choosing who to engage with on an online dating site. Who am I attracted to, and why? How does attraction work?

As anyone who has been reading me for a while knows, I am rather analytical. It’s one of the things that makes me very good at my job and naturally it carries over into my personal life. And the things I learn at work apply as well – in this case, my approach to dating can be summed up as “test and learn”.

I’m not going to get all corporate speak on you. But the idea is when making changes, try some different things, see how they work, and learn from it.  Continue reading

A picture of a tall man for texts

Kyle’s 5 day postmortem.

Monday was the date where Kyle said he’d like to see more of me, and agreed he would try to be more responsive to texts. I figured it would be good for me to write about how things go with him, to help keep me honest. Not that I’m not honest… but it’s easier to ignore a reality I don’t like when it’s not staring me in the face.

Hy and I share a quirk which I find interesting – and it’s about how we perceive time. I’ve written about this in relation to Tony and I don’t think I got my point across very well. I’m not sure exactly why this is, but I tend to think more time has passed than it has.  Continue reading

post-breakup with Leo

I’m cold-hearted.

Before I broke up with Leo, we’d arranged to go see a sporting event together to which I had tickets. When we broke up, we agreed to still go as friends. Classic breakup mistake.

Awkwardly, it was supposed to be the night I went on my date with Kyle, so when he asked me, I worked it out with a friend who had tickets to the game the next night to switch – which worked better for them anyway. I simply told Leo I needed to change the date – and turned out he had the date wrong anyway. So the comedy of errors was resolved without incident and I made myself free for Kyle.

Leo and I have had little contact since the breakup. We haven’t seen each other nor talked on the phone. A few text messages here or there. He’s had some illness in his family so it was mostly about that. Continue reading

Leo and I figure things out.

The trip with Leo had my head spinning. I sat on the plane, watching the sunset, listening to music, and turning things over and over. What was it I really wanted, why wasn’t I content, could anything be done about it. What did I say to him, if anything.

Sometimes things are clear for me in dating and I only need to figure out what I want to say.

But with Leo it wasn’t as straightforward. On the plus side, I knew he was trying. He is a solid family man, a good dad, and has close friends. He’s self-confident and kind. He was chill about my blog and seemed to have no issues with my sexual history or even my current ask to be non-exclusive. None of these are qualities to be taken lightly.  Continue reading

When my irritation level runs high.

I have an unfinished draft about a crazy-good threesome but need to get the next update with Leo out.

He joined me for two nights at the tail end of a business trip to the East Coast. It was one month since Leo’s “give me another chance” conversation, and I knew it was a chance to see if anything had really changed in that time.

Leo had been slightly more communicative – meaning he whispered a few more things in my ear during sex – but other than a couple successful drug-free sexual encounters, things were essentially the same as before. Continue reading

I’m one delayed response away from being a cynical bitch.

I haven’t missed the bullshit of dating.

I briefly reinstalled Bumble after breaking up with Leo after our vacation, less because I was serious about trying to find someone new than simply to see how it felt to put myself back out there.

It was boring. Men who can’t find anything to ask other than “hey what’s up” and “how was your day”, men who swipe right and reply once, just to ignore you afterwards, men who are not interesting at all. Men you like who don’t like you back.

I was somewhat relieved to find wasn’t bouncing right back into it.  Continue reading