I decided to try Bumble again in the midst of relative silence from Ian. Perhaps I judged the app too harshly last time. And I just wanted a distraction. I fully admitted to myself I wanted to seek out someone who captured my fancy and who was worthy of my attention.
My second experience was pretty much the same as the first. Although as if they heard my feedback, they adjusted the app so a man now has to also respond (the first time) within 24 hours. Ghosting is eliminated in the first exchange at least.
So after a couple of texts with a few men, the conversations dwindled. Nothing worth writing about. Continue reading →
My experiences recently seem to have a similar theme – what amount of communication do I expect and how these expectations can get me into trouble.
I’ve had on and off blog conversations about this as I’ve explored various opinions and insights. There are a huge variation of opinions, but most tend to agree on the following:
Constant texting before you’ve met each other is a red flag. Meaning, every day, without much pause, throughout the day and night. Many of us don’t like this even later in a relationship (myself included).
Someone who challenges why you aren’t responding quickly enough is also not a good sign early on (and I don’t mean – “hey haven’t heard from you for three days, everything okay?”)
With the feedback I’d gotten from my friends, I was trying my hardest to not assume ‘s Kyle’s lack of confirmation 24 hours in advance meant anything. We had confirmed a date and a time, just not a place. I was fairly certain he was interested in meeting and he didn’t strike me as the type to just bail.
I was mildly irritated because it was helpful to be able to plan in the morning what the hell I was doing after work. But I realized the way to deal with it was to just go about my arrangements, knowing it wasn’t a big deal, and based on what I knew we weren’t likely to meet downtown where I worked anyway. So either way, I was going home after my personal training session. Continue reading →
This past weekend, I went away – alone. I had an extra day off and no plans. My friends were all busy. Even if I wanted to use Tony as a crutch, he was away for work. And since Kyle hardly texts let alone declare his love for me on our second date (cough, cough), we aren’t remotely close to the “go away together” stage yet.
Given all the drama I’ve experienced in the last couple of months plus the work stress I’m under, I really wanted to get away.
I booked a train trip. Two nights at a hotel with a king bed and crisp white sheets. A dinner each night with one of my closest friends and her family. A day at a spa – the kind with steam rooms, saunas, hot tubs, cold water springs, fireplaces, and hammocks. A 90 minute massage with Jonathan. A facial the next day.
As I wrote yesterday, I find it very challenging to accept that extended periods of silence (as defined by me) do not equate to disinterest.
It goes against almost every other experience I’ve had with men so far, and it’s diametrically opposed to how I operate. I’m an open and enthusiastic communicator. I think nothing of telling a man I’m excited to see him, when I am. If I like you, you’ll know it.
I don’t play it cool very well. But here’s the problem – on the receiving end, how can the man know the difference between appropriate enthusiasm after a second date, and a woman who has gotten far ahead of herself on the relationship path? Continue reading →
I own my good behavior. It’s easy to write about the shit I do that I’m proud off. There’s lots of it, usually. Harder is admitting when I do shit that I know it counterproductive or just dumb.
I’ve done some dumb shit, and I own it too.
I know I’ve learned more from my mistakes than my accomplishments. This is true in work as well as my personal life. When I think back to the guys who really fucked me up over the last few years, those are the lessons that helped me get better at dating and survive what can feel like a constant onslaught of rejection and bullshit. Continue reading →
Clark wanted to get together on Sunday but I said no. Not for lack of physical desire (sex just stokes the internal fires), but I’d had my emotional fill of cock that week. He has been pursuing me, asking when we will see each other. He is single and keen for “good pussy” (Lewis’s words).
I’m seeing him on Monday along with Lewis. Maybe with a bonus (third!) dude and the woman from before. I’d be happy to have all three men at my own disposal but perhaps that makes me greedy. Fuck it, I don’t care.
I am seeing Jake on Friday. When in my latest “screw it I’m filling all my time with girlfriends” phase I booked time to see a close friend for dinner. Jake will come over afterwards in what I’m sure will be a repeat of our last date. I’m okay with that; we’ve discussed setting another date with more time together. Continue reading →
I deleted my dating profiles last week – maybe the week before – and so far I don’t miss them. I’ve had a few moments where I considered reopening them, wondering if my soul mate is one right swipe away, but they remain deleted.
I have also quite liked not being able to check the locations of anyone I’ve connected with. It brings no good to know these things. I unfriended Kyle on Facebook, with strong encouragement from Hy, and that’s been fine too. There was nothing in his profile of any interest, but the moment he posted something I could possibly interpret as bad for me, I would wish to not have seen it.
He hasn’t mentioned it; I doubt he’s noticed. I almost followed Drew on Instagram but resisted. Continue reading →