Bruce: he of the magic…

Bruce and I had our second date the evening he came back from a vacation with friends and family. Because he didn’t know exactly what the drive would be like, we didn’t have an exact time set.

He kept in touch with me though and I found it quite courteous. He called the moment he had steady cell service – with his kids in the car – to give me an update on the rough time. He also called when he finally got home, and then when he was about 15 minutes away.

Such a stark contrast to Kyle, where I was left wondering whether our dates were still on, hours before they were supposed to occur. 

Bruce and I hadn’t talked about what we were going to do, so the default was dinner somewhere in my neighbourhood. He knocked on my door and didn’t greet me with a kiss.

I wasn’t fussed – he seems ever so slightly awkward in these situations. After all, I had to ask him to kiss me goodbye on our first date. He was super game once I broke the seal, but he seemed rather clueless until then. 

He said as much to me on our first date – that he doesn’t know when women are hitting on him. It’s hard to believe a tall, handsome, and muscular guy doesn’t have good game, but he genuinely seems to not.

Or he’s a player and he knows exactly what playing dumb does to a woman. But that’s a hooded Kermit thought right there.

I offered him a beer and after he checked out my main floor and I poured myself a drink, we sat on my couch and talked. After our second drinks, we decided it was time to go eat – it was already 9:30pm.

whoops! I hit publish instead of “save draft”… so I’m gonna leave this here but I didn’t mean to write a cliffhanger!

Don’t be a hooded Kermit.

Bruce and I have been in steady contact since our first date. He sends good morning and good night texts, and has checked in a few times throughout each day.

He left for a short vacation with his children and some friends, and had very limited cellular service. But he still tried to call me his first night there and because my phone was on silent I missed his call. He then discovered he had data at the cabin so messaged me on WhatsApp. 

One night mid text conversation he video called me. I was in bed with no makeup on and my dark “nerdy girl” glasses. I answered anyway. 

I liked that he seemed to be thinking of me throughout each day. He would sign off with “goodnight beautiful” or “sweet dreams sexy”. 

There was nothing wrong.

He wasn’t making crazy declarations of love or devotion like HWSNBN. He wasn’t overly expressive about our connection or me or anything that would give me reason to think he’s enamoured with having someone, versus enamoured with me. In love with love, as they say.

On our last date he asked me out for the night he came back.

So what is wrong?

Nothing.

But it’s been difficult for me to just be excited and happy about it. My brain, as much as I’m trying to shut it down, cycles through a number of doubts:

Bruce is a tall, athletic man. He can’t possibly be attracted to my curves so as soon as he sees me naked it’s going to be all over. – Yes, I think this. I’m pretty sure is because at some level I wonder if my physicality was what turned Jack off. He had always dated dark haired small women. So yeah, this thought is unusual for me but it’s there in the background. And yes I my pictures are in my profile and he’s seen me up close. The man isn’t blind, but still. 

If I’m his first, first date he surely just is enjoying the attention and he doesn’t really like me for me. He can’t possibly be that into me if I’m the first woman he’s met online. – This is not based on anything he has said or done (or not done), it’s simply a concern based on the situation. It’s too close to comfort to what happened with Jack (I was the first woman he met online). 

Maybe he’s actually a player and he’s lying about his situation. He just wants to fuck me and then he will be gone. – Again I have no actual reason to think this is the case. Just general doubt. I like that he calls me “sexy” and “beautiful” but as much as I appreciate a man who is cool with terms of endearment, I also question whether it’s too early for such things. So naturally then I wonder if I’m being played.

Something is going to go wrong that’s beyond my control. I’m going to like him and find out he’s hiding something or he’s going to be a player or stop texting or something. – Yeah. I know why I’m worried, it has nothing to do with him. I think I’m so hyper aware that trusting and allowing myself to be emotionally vulnerable means on occasion I’m going to get fucked over. It happened with Jack and it’s been a while since I’ve been hurt like that. 

I don’t want the doubts whispered in my hooded Kermit brain. I want to be regular Kermit. Because the doubts breed anxiety which trigger behavior which will be contrary to getting what I want. No, I don’t need to ask Bruce endless questions about his relationship with his ex or if he’s talking to others on POF or did he really not meet any other women in the last two years.

I’m going to do my damnest to enjoy our date and see how it goes and focus on whether I think he’s right for me. The more I try to protect myself from hurt, the more I protect myself from love. 

And I really want the right love in my life. 

Oops I did it again. Another first, first date.

I’d hidden my Plenty of Fish profile when Jack asked to be exclusive. When we broke up I wasn’t in a big rush to unhide it again as I had plenty of stuff (aka boys and friends) to keep me occupied. But last week after Ray decided being in different parts of our city was too far for him, I went back to it. I unhid my profile in the hopes of a good first date.

I realized as much as I may say “I’m all done with online dating” or “I’m not going to do what I did before”, it’s at this point less about behavior change (I don’t do as much dumb time-wasting stuff since I’ve been looking for a relationship) and more about mindset.  Continue reading

what attracts men

A depressing experiment.

I created a fake profile on Plenty of Fish. The reason was singular but it matters not. The profile served its purpose, but I experienced something completely unexpected. What attracts men, anyway?

This is one of those situations where I don’t really know what to make of what happened. It has caused me to question things I’ve told myself, and I’m curious what you think.

I created a profile of a 39 year-old woman. She was pretty but not stunning, but had a very hot body. There were four pictures on her profile. The main profile picture was her in a small bikini walking out of the ocean and smiling, in dark sunglasses. There was a closeup of her face, smiling, and two pictures of her outdoors. None were selfies and they didn’t show cleavage. Continue reading

Three rejections does not a happy Ann make.

I am not happy. I am angry and sad and hurt. I know it won’t last, but rejection in any aggregate form is really difficult. I suppose by now I should be used to the peaks and valleys of dating, but as much as my brain knows it, it still takes my heart by surprise.

First, there was Jack. Thank you, Maggie, for the parable…I’m still carrying him in my head and need to get him out. It hasn’t helped that Liam has been away so I’ve only seen him once in three weeks. My child is a huge help for having my head in the right place.

I was behind on posts about Ray but now I’m sure it’s worth catching up. We had three dates in total and many more conversations. He would greet me in the morning via text and ask to call me to say goodnight. It was nice. He was nice. The chemistry wasn’t mind blowing but it was good enough to keep going to see how things progressed. Continue reading

You can train for Axe, but not for kindness.

Life has been a little hectic the last few weeks. Not just with sex parties and disappointment, but also time with friends and some additional work responsibilities that have made my days far more intense.

I didn’t want to get too behind on writing so I put up two posts about Ray, the one who reached out on FetLife and with whom I had an unconventional but nice first date.

Some of you may have noticed I didn’t talk much about Ray; just how things went down with us. It was deliberate but only so I could get through the date itself. He’s an interesting guy and is yet another man who makes me think through what I want, versus what I actually need, and how the two intersect. Continue reading

I’m angry for me, and the sisterhood.

Previous Post | I was so angry I was shaking. I sent Jack a text that said “You’re back on POF? Wow.” Not surprisingly, he didn’t reply.

I tried to call him twice – once right after my text. and then at night. I’d looked at POF again and saw he’d been active again just a few hours prior. So he had time to be on the site but not reply. Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me

Before bed, I sent a text that said “Call me back please. This isn’t the time to play fucking games with me.” I knew he used non-responses as control and I was having none of it.

The next morning I woke up to a text he’d sent past midnight saying he’d just gotten home after a long drive and he would call me tomorrow. Continue reading

He’s a lying sack of shit.

Jack and I spoke last week midweek. I’m not sure I will ever speak to him again.

He’d asked for a copy of the dating story about us I’d written for a local paper. We’d had a brief text exchange in which he said “you can text me anytime”, to which I replied given he was so bad at responding with any speed it didn’t make me want to text him. He said he was in therapy and was learning that not replying was a form of control for him.

I called him because I didn’t want my reply to be spread out over the course of several days. I said my issue was that a lack of response was inconsiderate and disrespectful. He sounded like crap. I asked if the therapy was helping and he said he’d had only two sessions so far. He said he’d talked to his ex-girlfriend which helped him process things, but she had little time for it because she had already worked through it. Shocker. Continue reading

dating rule breaker

Breaking rules like the dating badass I am.

Previous Post | Yes, I’m a rule breaker sometimes, even when the rules are my own. But this time, it paid off.

We had planned to go out – I wanted to take him to a great river walk a few minutes from my house. If we were getting along, I knew we would have dinner. And we’d already talked about our views on first date sex.

He was running a little behind and I was so nervous I started pacing. I was so hoping it was good in person because it had been lovely talking to him on the phone.

I’d wondered if he’d show up empty handed like so many men before him.  Continue reading

Group sex relationship dynamics.

I find the dynamics of group sex fascinating, especially when some of the participants have ongoing “relationships”.

Lewis continues to be an excellent source of hot lovers. I’ve never really known men like him – he genuinely seems to have zero jealousy or possessiveness. Granted, while he and I have some level of affection for each other, it is 90% a sexual relationship.

But even then, in the same conditions – regular lovers over a two year period – I know few men who would willingly and continually share someone when that sharing is quite literally in their face.

But Lewis gets off on it.  Continue reading