a real dating fail

I knew better. Or did I?

Well, he lasted 5 days. I knew it was unlikely he would suddenly change his behavior, but I did have hope there would continue to be progress. After all, he said our date last week that he wanted to see more of me, and that he’d try to be more communicative. But yet, another dating fail.

But really, what kind of person says that, and hears someone say “look I get that you’re busy but all I’m asking for right now is that you don’t ignore my texts, and just 5 days later does exactly that?

I know how this will play out if I bothered to call him out on it: Continue reading

A picture of a tall man for texts

Kyle’s 5 day postmortem.

Monday was the date where Kyle said he’d like to see more of me, and agreed he would try to be more responsive to texts. I figured it would be good for me to write about how things go with him, to help keep me honest. Not that I’m not honest… but it’s easier to ignore a reality I don’t like when it’s not staring me in the face.

Hy and I share a quirk which I find interesting – and it’s about how we perceive time. I’ve written about this in relation to Tony and I don’t think I got my point across very well. I’m not sure exactly why this is, but I tend to think more time has passed than it has.  Continue reading

post-breakup with Leo

I’m cold-hearted.

Before I broke up with Leo, we’d arranged to go see a sporting event together to which I had tickets. When we broke up, we agreed to still go as friends. Classic breakup mistake.

Awkwardly, it was supposed to be the night I went on my date with Kyle, so when he asked me, I worked it out with a friend who had tickets to the game the next night to switch – which worked better for them anyway. I simply told Leo I needed to change the date – and turned out he had the date wrong anyway. So the comedy of errors was resolved without incident and I made myself free for Kyle.

Leo and I have had little contact since the breakup. We haven’t seen each other nor talked on the phone. A few text messages here or there. He’s had some illness in his family so it was mostly about that. Continue reading

International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia

I rarely get political here, but today I make an exception, since it’s the international day against homophobia and transphobia. That this is still rampant in otherwise “evolved” societies makes me very angry.

It’s easy to fear and hate from behind the comfort of our phone screens, and easy to misunderstand when we have no personal experience with the issues. But that’s no excuse for hatred, ignorance, and bigotry. Ask questions. Educate yourself. Practice empathy.

As a white cisgender woman, I have incredible privilege. I don’t know what it’s like to face discrimination daily. To know my body doesn’t reflect the gender I feel inside. To worry about being killed for who I have sex with or love.

But it doesn’t mean I won’t support my friends and colleagues and all the people out there I don’t know who face this every day.

Ann Continue reading

When time evaporates. 

Knowing he was likely in meetings all day, I didn’t bother trying to make plans with Kyle in advance. Despite a bad track record, we’d confirmed the previous day and we agreed to sort out the specifics the day of.

He knew I was going to see my personal trainer after work and I’d be free at 6pm. We’d agreed to meet in our neighbourhood (we live about 10 minutes apart) and to the time, so other than the place, there wasn’t much to confirm. Therefore I waited until I was leaving the gym to text, and we had the following exchange:  Continue reading

The pursuit of Kyle.

I’ve avoided writing about him, but granted there is little to say. I’ve admitted I can’t get him out of my head – the man with whom I have three great times together, physical and intellectual chemistry, and who has a terrible track record of bailing on dates.

Kyle.

His appeal to me isn’t the chase; he’s on the surface very close to what I’m looking for, with some added bonuses. Crazily tall, dark, and handsome. A good job and unthreatened by mine, long-ago divorced with a good relationship with his ex, a family man who has taken his Mom on vacations. Intellectual banter and humor. Great kissing chemistry. And although I haven’t seen it, he seems to be packing a lot in his pants. Continue reading

a threesome with two stallions

A very thorough f*cking.

I’m sore in many places, from my core to my ass. And by ass, I mean anus ;), thanks to a particularly awesome threesome.

I have been thoroughly fucked, perhaps in the way only possible when you’ve had two lovers tag team you for hours.

If you don’t know that pleasure, add it to your list now.

I have seen both Lewis and Clark since my injury, but only once each and not together. Continue reading

Leo and I figure things out.

The trip with Leo had my head spinning. I sat on the plane, watching the sunset, listening to music, and turning things over and over. What was it I really wanted, why wasn’t I content, could anything be done about it. What did I say to him, if anything.

Sometimes things are clear for me in dating and I only need to figure out what I want to say.

But with Leo it wasn’t as straightforward. On the plus side, I knew he was trying. He is a solid family man, a good dad, and has close friends. He’s self-confident and kind. He was chill about my blog and seemed to have no issues with my sexual history or even my current ask to be non-exclusive. None of these are qualities to be taken lightly.  Continue reading

When my irritation level runs high.

I have an unfinished draft about a crazy-good threesome but need to get the next update with Leo out.

He joined me for two nights at the tail end of a business trip to the East Coast. It was one month since Leo’s “give me another chance” conversation, and I knew it was a chance to see if anything had really changed in that time.

Leo had been slightly more communicative – meaning he whispered a few more things in my ear during sex – but other than a couple successful drug-free sexual encounters, things were essentially the same as before. Continue reading

I’m one delayed response away from being a cynical bitch.

I haven’t missed the bullshit of dating.

I briefly reinstalled Bumble after breaking up with Leo after our vacation, less because I was serious about trying to find someone new than simply to see how it felt to put myself back out there.

It was boring. Men who can’t find anything to ask other than “hey what’s up” and “how was your day”, men who swipe right and reply once, just to ignore you afterwards, men who are not interesting at all. Men you like who don’t like you back.

I was somewhat relieved to find wasn’t bouncing right back into it.  Continue reading