Men in the mix

I wrote this page in the Fall of 2017 after I’d gone back on every single dating app with the (ridiculous) belief that if I wanted to find someone, I needed to take the same approach I take to everything else in my life: do it full-tilt.

The combination of Tinder, Bumble, OK Cupid, The League, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Plenty of Fish was way too much, and I quickly found myself in a situation I hadn’t been in since I first became single: there were too many men.

I couldn’t write quickly enough about them. As anyone who has dated online knows, you can go from stoked about someone to nothing in the span of a few hours. So I put this up to help readers know where things stood with the men I was engaging with.

The list is much shorter now, so there’s no need to update it. Only the stable is the same.


I have the page of men I’ve had relationships with (although now somewhat dated) and a list of every man I’ve had sex with.

In the stable (aka my casual lovers)

  • Lewis (every few weeks)
  • Jake (really infrequently)
  • Tony (yeah, I know)
  • Todd (a few times a year, when we are in each other’s cities)
  • Clark. It’s been months since I’ve seen him. I rarely reach out to him proactively but welcome the opportunity to see him, whenever we can make it work.

Made it past the first meeting, seeing what happens next

On Ice

  • Gregory‘s story is over, unfortunately.
  • Another Tinder guy who travels to my city and isn’t available for a relationship, but I figured he could be good for some fun now and then. Our schedules have yet to align. We had an after-work drink set up but I canceled because there were too many things going on.
  • A policeman I met on OK Cupid. We haven’t managed to meet yet, our schedules haven’t worked out. He hasn’t replied to my last text but if he does, I’m going to tell him I need to wait to meet.
  • A younger man who reached out to me years ago on FetLife interested in joining me for my gang bang night. He messaged me and we started chatting again, moving to text and made a tentative date. He didn’t confirm the date and it was just as well since I was already rather busy.


  • The landscaper was in contact for a while, but he hasn’t asked to see me again, and I haven’t asked either.
  • I guess I should list the dirty poet here. He kept in touch, but I told him I wasn’t interested.
  • The guy I picked up on public transit. Crazily, I got onto his train again one night this week. We flirted and kissed. He was taller and more handsome than I remembered. We are trying to find a date to meet. We met. Turns out he WENT TO MY HIGH SCHOOL at the same time as I did. He’s not a soul mate but it was an okay time. Am on the fence about seeing him again. I texted and told him I enjoyed meeting him but I didn’t think we had the compatibility I wanted for a relationship. He still reaches out.
  • John, an older gentleman who is a 98% OK Cupid match and very keen to meet. He’s not wasting any time. We’ve had two decent phone calls. A Friday after-work date got canceled by him, but we rescheduled for Sunday. In the wake of the train conductor not being available on Saturday night, I asked if we could move our date up. I’m seeing him for dinner. Well, my friends, this could be something. He was better looking and taller in real life. A great conversationalist. He’s in his late 50s but doesn’t look it and has the libido of a 20-year-old. He touched my hand and inner wrist at dinner and I felt sparks I haven’t felt since Tony. Our first date lasted 17 hours and we are seeing each other again very soon. He’s a little too into me and it’s freaking me out. I’m trying to get him to chill and so far he’s failing. I just told him I couldn’t go forward with him. It was a relief.
  • A guy who reached out on OK Cupid who is a 99% match. He’s another contractor which makes me laugh; not sure what the universe is trying to tell me. We had a coffee date set for the weekend but I texted him to ask for a raincheck. Given my reservations about John, I think I’d like to meet him. We are currently talking about when to meet for a coffee or drink. Ugh, we had a really boring first date. Was difficult to talk to. Didn’t kiss me after and he never texted even to say thank you. Neither did I, so clearly we were on the same page.
  • A guy who reached out on FetLife (it happened again!) who is tall, handsome, and smart. I can’t figure out if he’s actually available for a relationship, but I’m very intrigued. So I asked and he told me he and his wife still share a bedroom. They aren’t intimate. I’m resetting my expectations. Perhaps a fuck buddy but nothing more. We had an insanely hot chat on the phone yesterday. I’m meeting him tomorrow. We met. I took him back to my place in record time, we had crazy chemistry, he fisted me, got freaked out at the blood from the tail end of my menstrual cycle, and before he left told me he didn’t think he was what I need in my life. Since then he hasn’t bothered texting. What a jerk.
  • Another mid-fifties gentleman who has had a really slow start in communicating. He told me he was semi-retired and had a country property. I imagined something a little different than the reality he described for me when we finally spoke on the phone – including a basement apartment he shares with another tenant. But worse, it was one of the dullest phone calls I’ve ever had.
  • Tinder guy who was way better on the phone than by text, but I’m starting to wonder if he’s not who he presents to be online, since he’s not made an in-person meeting happen.  He turned out to be a catfish of sorts. Weirdo.
  • A guy I met on OKC Cupid who got me really excited because we were a very high match, he was attractive and older and we shared some kinks. But he was my third “catfish” and turns out he just wanted to have a sexual conversation and when I wouldn’t give it to him, he disappeared.
  • A handsome guy I met on Tinder who ended up having dated one of my college roommates. Damn, the world is small. On our clearance phone call he seemed overly concerned with his public persona (he used to be an actor) and I found it annoying and self-absorbed.
  • This guy? Let’s just say I’m going to write a post called “Anatomy of a Liar”. I knew there was something off and it became an intellectual exercise to prove my gut was right. Of course it was.
  • He picked me up at a bar when I was on a date, but turns out he is married. I see him as a potential source of single friends.
  • The first date wasn’t great, I told him we had no chemistry and he replied gracefully.
  • Kyle. I finally got him out of my head. Unfollowed him on Instagram and deleted his number from my phone.
  • Bruce. We kept in touch for a while but I decided to wait a few weeks before I connect again, since I’ve been the one driving things lately. I waited three weeks to text him and see how he was doing. We texted back and forth for a bit and he said perhaps we could see each other after work later this week. I’m not going to get my hopes up but it was nice to connect with him. Of course, it didn’t work. Seems nothing has changed.

Zombies – those who keep trying to come back

  • Leo, who I let come over in the Fall nd regretted it. Afterward, he asked for a “cuddle night” and I told him I didn’t want to have a physical relationship with him at this point. He waited three weeks to reply and then said he still wanted to hang out even if just to talk. How can I tell him I don’t even want to talk to him?? Ugh.
  • Alan, who is currently trying to convince me he’s had a major life change and wants to tell me all about it
  • A guy who I went out with a couple of years ago, who texts every once in a while to talk about work. Then doesn’t ask me out. So strange.