I’ve had a few extra long weekends so far this year (which have been amazing) but with five weeks vacation to use, I needed to take some time off.
The last three summers I’ve taken Liam on two-week vacations. This year he’s going somewhere with his Dad, but I was able to find four nights where Liam and I can go to the ocean. But that’s not until next month.
So without plans, I booked two weeks off this month. It worked with the timing of my project and I figured I would sort out specific plans later. One of those weeks I have Liam and we will enjoy a few day trips, excursions and some visits to friends. I’m looking forward to having some relaxed time with him.
The other week I will be travelling to spend time with a close girlfriend and I can’t wait. It’s been a few months since we’ve seen each other and given what we’ve been through in that time, I think we’re both looking forward to it. I need some girl time. Continue reading →
I have Father issues. After my Dad and Mom split up, my Dad went to work in another city for over a year. I was 7 years old, and it felt like forever. I took a plane to visit him once or twice and he wrote me letters.
But despite the relatively short time and connectivity he felt as a grown-up, it was very different for me as a child.
I never really internalized my Father’s love for me until much later in my life. He was the kind of parent who praised me for my good work along with a reminder I could always do better. As a driven professional adult, I appreciate this, but as a child, it doesn’t feel good. It felt like I was never good enough and my Father didn’t love me for who I was.
He had a second child with my stepmother and he became much more overt about his love.
Of course that’s not true; I’m with a girlfriend, her parents, and our three collective children. We are, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere. It’s been a night and day of sun, water, swimming, laughs, music, day drinking, and snacks.
I haven’t had any stories I’ve had the time to make a whole blog post but I thought I’d catch up on a few things (and people).
Work has been super busy. Evenings after putting Liam to bed, weekend monitoring of emails, and the like. We are really close to a big deadline and while it’s not gone super smoothly, so far the problems are all manageable. I was brought in to save it and I really hope I prove to have done so. Continue reading →
He wanted to move to the other side of the world again. Some of you may remember he moved away a year after he and I split up and was gone for ten months, leaving me as a single parent to an angry little boy. It was during that time I met Tony. Continue reading →
My grandmother tracked everything. Who needs an app to track when you have sex? She certainly didn’t.
Unfortunately, my Grandmother died when I was only 17. She was 77, a few years older than my Mother is today. Complaining of fatigue for months, her family doctor prescribed more and more medication. By the time she was hospitalized, her cancer was inoperable and she had mere months to live.
But this post isn’t about the failure of her doctor or her death; it’s about her sex life. Continue reading →
I have consistently used my non-child weeks for lots of things: working late, going to the gym, going out with friends, dates. Sometimes lots of dates, but not lately.
This week I planned absolutely nothing except a brief after work meeting with two colleagues.
It wasn’t all deliberate – I usually plan a couple of weeks in advance, especially since most of my girlfriends have busy life and work schedule and we all need advance planning, but I have been traveling each of the last three child-free weeks. I had planned things for me and the kid, but not much else. Continue reading →
I’ve been thinking a lot about intimacy. How we build it, and what happens when its destroyed. How we simultaneously can want it, and shrink from it.
It can be fucking terrifying, yet freeing.
Many people were surprised I would spend a weekend away with someone so early in our relationship. I wanted to see what it would be like. What he was like, and what we were like together. It’s hard to be only on your best behavior for four days. And given his early declarations of love for me, I was very keen to suss out whether my gut was wrong: could he actually be needy and in love with love? Continue reading →
I’ve written a few times that my weight is higher than I want – and not in a vague “oh gee I should weigh less” way, but a “jeez NONE of my suits fit” way. A practical and financial dilemma as my entire wardrobe was literally downsized when my weight went down a couple of years ago and remained stable.
I started seeing a trainer in late November and he made it hard for me to function courtesy of his short but all-body workouts on a torture device called the TRX. Sometimes I can barely lift my arms to wash my hair afterwards.
I started to also go to the gym on my own to get on the treadmill. Once before Christmas, and a couple of times afterwards. My Mom got me a basic Fitbit for Christmas which has been great to know how much of a slug I usually am. I’m starting a new project at work and am in a slight lull this week and decided to get my ass into the gym. I have plans every day but there is no reason I can’t go after work for a little bit. It’s better than going home and drowning my sorrows in alcohol and left over holiday treats. Continue reading →
And in other news, I’m only starting to feel like myself again. This illness kicked the crap out of me the last week. I’ve seen Tony just once but we’ve talked on the phone every day. I’m not sure my head is in a much better place, in fact I’d still say I’m morose, since he told me yet again he’s not 100% sure he’s not going to go back to his ex. While I don’t want to read into it, it does help explain why he doesn’t like “labels” like “exclusive” or “boyfriend” because those show a commitment he can’t quite make. It definitely helps me explain why I haven’t met his son. Etcetera.
And there’s no vacation set yet. He asked his ex (I’m sure he didn’t say he was going with a GIRLFRIEND) and she wasn’t “all that receptive” to him being gone for five days. So looks like I’m at her mercy in more ways than one. He insists he wants to go away with me. It’s not personal.
I don’t want to write about it. I don’t want to think about it. But the record keeps playing in my head.