chemistry and sensual sex

A dinner date for my history book: Part 3

Previous Post 

It didn’t take long after sitting on my couch before we started kissing again. We’d had almost four hours of talking and there was no need for any more.

Luxuriating in a kiss is truly one of life’s great pleasures. There’s a time and place for moving quickly, but this wasn’t one of them. Jack and I had amazing kissing chemistry. I’m a responsive lover: I will often match someone’s pace and style, which is likely why I’m told I’m an great kisser. In this case, we were already well matched.

Jack was slow to take things further. This was not a five-minutes-of-kissing-then-shove-a-hand-down-my-pants experience. He took his time to explore.

Continue reading

when online dating brings you a good match

When the others fall away.

[Part 3 of our date is coming, but I wasn’t in the right head space yesterday to write it – Jack and I have had a slight communication hiccup (I’m sure that’s all it is) – and I knew it would affect my accurate depiction of the rest of our night together. So here’s a post I’d scheduled originally for tomorrow.]

:::

It’s the difference between “sure, this is okay” and “FUCK YES”. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. I did about Kyle, but his unresponsiveness killed it.  He was a “fuck yes” for me, but I wasn’t for him. (And if you haven’t read the Mark Manson article on it, check it out here). Online dating sometimes serves up a great potential match.

When the intellectual and physical chemistry is truly there, all others fall away. And if they don’t, that person isn’t doing it for you.

I hid my POF profile on Sunday. I told the two men I was having conversations with that I was going offline because I’d met someone I wanted to focus on, but if I came back I would reach out. They both replied they appreciated the message and wished me luck. Continue reading

A dinner date for my history book: Part 2

Part One

We drove to the restaurant, talking about driving styles, swearing with our children in the car, and again it was just easy and seamless. The kind of conversation of people who have known each other forever…or who just “click”.

We parked near the restaurant. I didn’t wait for him to come open my door – it didn’t even occur to me. Unlike Fox, I was not scolded. Fox would get super irritated when I’d dare open my own door. I enjoy a gentleman but his rigidity was unattractive.

As Jack and I walked, I noted his shoulder seemed lower than mine, and I wondered whether I was actually taller than he. It didn’t matter – of course I’d like someone taller but it is not a deal breaker.  Continue reading

Intellectual, emotional, and physical chemistry

A dinner date for my history book.

I’m going to preface this post by saying I know 100% that there is no way to know if something is going to work out, after two dates. I know this right to my core.  I can quickly assess intellectual and physical chemistry, but the emotional / behavioral can kill a relationship.

I’ve sacrificed some intellectual and physical chemistry for the sake of strong emotional chemistry, and ultimately that doesn’t work. I’ve found incredible intellectual and physical, just to later experience an emotional mismatch.

But Jack has the potential for all three. I’m over the moon at the moment and am determined to enjoy it. Continue reading

flirting via text

The coffee date flirtatious follow-up

I bounced up my stairs and got my stuff together for work. We had an awesome text exchange throughout the day, and I think the best thing is to just share it verbatim. My texts are in Italics.

10:12am

It was a pleasure meeting you! (I really wanted to kiss you goodbye, BTW).

Think about the anticipation for our next date. I did and do too, BTW.

Oh indeed. And I’m glad to hear it!

11:20am

Now I wished I kissed you. Lol. Continue reading

online dating

Some decent swimmers in the shallow end.

I was the new face on Plenty of Fish which always garners more attention, as does being on the site a lot, which I don’t have the time or inclination for. Welcome to online dating.

I didn’t keep track but I’d say about 15 men reached out to me in the first 10 days. A few had messages or profiles which clearly meant they didn’t read mine. No harm no foul. I don’t bother replying in that case.

There were several that sent nice messages but based on my review of their profile I wasn’t interested. I sent them polite “thanks but no” messages. Nobody called me a bitch in response which was kind of a nice change – yeah, it happens.  Continue reading

defining attraction and appeal

Defining attraction and appeal

A recent post by a fellow blogger got me thinking about what really matters to me in choosing who to engage with on an online dating site. Who am I attracted to, and why? How does attraction work?

As anyone who has been reading me for a while knows, I am rather analytical. It’s one of the things that makes me very good at my job and naturally it carries over into my personal life. And the things I learn at work apply as well – in this case, my approach to dating can be summed up as “test and learn”.

I’m not going to get all corporate speak on you. But the idea is when making changes, try some different things, see how they work, and learn from it.  Continue reading

there's no lack of attention online dating

Balance and patience when online dating.

I’m back online dating on Plenty of Fish and as expected, it has not been without hilarity and offense. Contrary to popular opinion that its filled with bottom feeders, I believe there are plenty (see what I did there) of quality men on the site. After all, it’s where I met Fox and Tony and no matter what happened in our relationships, bottom feeders they were not.

I don’t think the site has changed since I’ve been on there last (a year, maybe two?), but I definitely have. And it makes all the difference in how online dating feels. Continue reading

back in the online dating shallow pool

I jumped back into the shallow end.

I think it’s been a year since I’ve been on an online dating site. I don’t count AFF because that was about something else.

But this weekend I decided I needed a distraction from Kyle. I also figured it wouldn’t hurt me to dip my toe in the water and see how it felt. I got tired of it quickly last time – surviving a couple of days on OKCupid and a few weeks on Bumble.

So I unhid my profile on Plenty of Fish. A site I’ve avoided for a while, but it’s where I met Shenanigans (still there!), Fox (not there; still dating the woman he met right after me), and Tony (better not be there!).  Continue reading

a real dating fail

I knew better. Or did I?

Well, he lasted 5 days. I knew it was unlikely he would suddenly change his behavior, but I did have hope there would continue to be progress. After all, he said our date last week that he wanted to see more of me, and that he’d try to be more communicative. But yet, another dating fail.

But really, what kind of person says that, and hears someone say “look I get that you’re busy but all I’m asking for right now is that you don’t ignore my texts, and just 5 days later does exactly that?

I know how this will play out if I bothered to call him out on it: Continue reading