I briefly reinstalled Bumble after breaking up with Leo after our vacation, less because I was serious about trying to find someone new than simply to see how it felt to put myself back out there.
It was boring. Men who can’t find anything to ask other than “hey what’s up” and “how was your day”, men who swipe right and reply once, just to ignore you afterwards, men who are not interesting at all. Men you like who don’t like you back.
I haven’t written about Drew much because I haven’t seen him much. After our hot couch session, almost three weeks went by before I saw him again. He kept up a decent communication pace with me, checking in most days. But he is in a similar industry to Tony and therefore, rarely knows his schedule in advance. It’s frustrating but at least I understand it.
One day we were texting back and forth – the same weekend I was preparing myself for Kyle’s penultimate cancellation – and talking about some tentative plans to see a sports event. I told him while I didn’t expect him to sleep over if he was uncomfortable, he was more than welcome. It would mean he didn’t have to drive an hour home that night, or try to arrange something with a friend.
He said thank you, and followed with “you and I both know what this is.” Continue reading →
As I wrapped up my blog post, my phone pinged with Kyle’s ring tone – he said “be there in 10 minutes”. Geez, really?
I decided to not change out of my pyjamas, I didn’t want to make any more effort.
He knocked on my door about 20 minutes later – 90 minutes after he was supposed to show up – and I said “hey sorry for being in my pyjamas but I figured you weren’t showing up when I didn’t hear from you.” Continue reading →
I’d had a lot of time over the last few months to try to figure out, without overanalyzing, what the fuck Kyle’s deal was. I didn’t doubt his interest in me – he had the intention to see me / date me – however in practice it completely fell down.
Bottom line, dating me was not a priority. I would have bet he wasn’t dating others, so I didn’t get the sense he had other women that came first. Of course, being the last wife in the harem holds no appeal to me. It was harder to accept that even if I was the only one he was interested in, his behavior was still uncool. Continue reading →
I think this might be a record for slowest relationship start – scratch that, since I don’t know if this is the start of anything whatsoever. The magic 8 ball aka my Mother says yes but this has not been an auspicious start.
This is the longest it’s taken me to have four dates with anyone. I don’t count Jake since we stopped after the first.
Dates isn’t even a great term. The first meeting was a pre clearance date. Then a dinner date, then a spontaneous late night discussion on my couch, and most recently, another couch conversation in lieu of what was supposed to be a date.
I shut down my OK Cupid profile and my just-recently-opened Plenty of Fish profile. Bumble went down as well, after sending a note to just one man telling him I wasn’t unmatching him and giving him my number in case he wanted to reach out.
It’s not for lack of messages. If I only wanted to men to take me out for dinner or have sex I’d be golden. But I’m ultimately looking for a boyfriend. So as I’ve said for a long time now, I don’t engage with every man who comes along. And I don’t mind the bad, rude, crass, or simply inane opening messages. I don’t mind hearing from 21 year-olds who swear I’m the hottest thing they’ve seen. It’s just noise and sometimes the messages are amusing.
I wouldn’t even be in this mental place if I’d met some guys and went on some dates and it didn’t work out. I’m okay with either me or him deciding the right dating chemistry isn’t there between us.
But what I can’t stand is experiencing shitty and dismissive behavior over and over again. Don’t like me? Fine. But grow some fucking balls and exit gracefully. Continue reading →
Of course that’s not true; I’m with a girlfriend, her parents, and our three collective children. We are, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere. It’s been a night and day of sun, water, swimming, laughs, music, day drinking, and snacks.
I haven’t had any stories I’ve had the time to make a whole blog post but I thought I’d catch up on a few things (and people).
Work has been super busy. Evenings after putting Liam to bed, weekend monitoring of emails, and the like. We are really close to a big deadline and while it’s not gone super smoothly, so far the problems are all manageable. I was brought in to save it and I really hope I prove to have done so. Continue reading →
I don’t regret many of the men I’ve had sex with. Certainly not that many in the last three years; just one. Unfortunately I have to add Doug to the list, I’m afraid. It’s not a strong regret but simply – it was sex I could have done without.
Doug is being set adrift.
After our first date, I knew there wasn’t long-term potential. There were too many divergent interests, attitudes, and behaviors. But he was fun and I could see perhaps spending a few rowdy nights hanging out on his boat. Continue reading →
As I wrote yesterday, I find it very challenging to accept that extended periods of silence (as defined by me) do not equate to disinterest.
It goes against almost every other experience I’ve had with men so far, and it’s diametrically opposed to how I operate. I’m an open and enthusiastic communicator. I think nothing of telling a man I’m excited to see him, when I am. If I like you, you’ll know it.
I don’t play it cool very well. But here’s the problem – on the receiving end, how can the man know the difference between appropriate enthusiasm after a second date, and a woman who has gotten far ahead of herself on the relationship path? Continue reading →
I remained confused about Ian’s general ambivalence. He’d sent me a Happy Mother’s Day text but then not much else. The Tuesday morning afterwards I texted “Good morning – you’ve been rather quiet.”
Later that night, laying on the floor all angry and hurt about Tony, I enjoyed a (brief) moment of levity when not 5 minutes before he showed up, Ian called. I didn’t answer the phone.
Later that night I saw he’d texted “hi” at 10:30 then later, “you have time to chat?”. The next morning when I woke up I texted that I would call him later that day. No “oh sorry I missed you”. Wasn’t feeling it, so didn’t say it. Continue reading →