date night couch tony dan

Thursday night: freedom, then trapped…on the couch

Thursday night was the “date night” Tony referred to in a conversation earlier in the week. We had no date-like plans, which was fine by me. I took some more of my freedom back today, but ended up trapped anyway…on the couch.

It was an awesome day, to be honest. I herded cats real hard at work, had a coffee date with a man I haven’t seen in over a year (more to come), and continued my journey of speaking my truth and closing doors.

I’ve maintained the burner phone number app for many months – I got it first to communicate with Tony, but then used it primarily for online dating. I’d recommend it to anyone.

It was still sitting there in my phone, mostly silent. I had used it for the young man who flaked on our date last weekend. The dirty poet text exchange was in there, the train conductor, a guy from FetLife who I’ve never met, and a few others who never made the leap from the burner number to the real one.

I deleted it. Before I did, I sent a text to the FetLife guy with my email address and I screen captured the conductor’s phone number. Then I was done. The number is gone and none of them can reach me now.

I don’t need the ego boost of their outreach, nor do I need the temptation of reaching out. I’m sure at some point the young guy would text saying he’s sorry he flaked blah blah blah but fuck him. Not.

It also means Tony can’t use it. He’s been using my real number mostly anyway, but that secret avenue is gone.

I burned the number before I had the time to think too much about it – it was a right-in-the-moment decision and feels even better today.

But I wasn’t done.

I worked until after 7pm – was at my desk until hunger told me to go home. Once I got there, I composed and sent the following email to Dan:

“Hi Dan – I hope your week is going well. I’ve been thinking about our interactions and conversations over the last couple of months and I don’t think a relationship is in the cards for us. I enjoy hanging out with you when it happens, and we have awesome physical chemistry when that happens… but I can’t see us having potential for more than fun FWBs.

I completely understand if that’s not what you’re looking for, but I wanted to be honest with you about where my head is at.”


His response, about an hour later?

“Sounds good.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed out loud in my kitchen. It confirmed yet again my decision was the right one.

I had a classic bachelorette dinner – scrounged leftovers from my fridge – and switched back and forth between work and finishing yesterday’s blog post.

Dan fully embraced our new FWB status. Which I found hilarious – he went from asking if we could build a relationship to…a slightly different approach. At 9 pm, he asked if I was free that night. By then I was stuck on my couch (more to come). I laughed because every other time, 9 pm was far too late. I said I wasn’t free.

Then his tone changed:

He went on to ask what I was doing on the weekend, and I told him of the sporting activities I’m doing with Liam.

That “bend you over” tone? New for Dan. It’s the first time ever he’d asked for a “naughty” picture, which I wasn’t about to send. For what it’s worth, I didn’t think the hot tub one I sent a couple of weeks ago was naughty. I was naked but underwater and didn’t know I was showing nipple. I was outside and could barely see anything.

That was the end of the exchange. He didn’t say anything about my having to go to a funeral.

Who knows what will happen with him – I’m open to seeing him if it doesn’t come with all the annoying questions and pestering.


Unexpectedly, Tony showed up on time. He said he almost canceled since he was in a bad mood – I told him it would have been fine to cancel. As he made himself at home on my couch, I said I had a bit of work to do. The truth was I wanted to work on my blog post. I had put basketball on television and was listening to the game in the background.

Next thing I knew, he’d fallen asleep. Once I wrapped up my writing I came over to the couch with my phone in hand. It was shortly afterward that Dan started texting.

He stirred when I came closer and asked whether I wanted to be the big or little spoon. I told him instead I would sit and he could put his legs across my lap. Within minutes he fell asleep again. He’d said my couch was super comfortable, and he was an expert on sleeping on couches these days.

I didn’t tell him the things I wanted to say about us. I wasn’t going to wake up a crabby man just to tell him something that has zero urgency.

My phone was dying, I was watching sports, and I wanted to be writing. I didn’t want to wake Tony up to go grab my laptop so I just.. sat. I told myself I should have the patience to be able to do at least that. I ignored the magazines on my coffee table.

Eventually, it was late enough that I wanted to go to sleep. I woke him up and told him I needed to sleep. He went upstairs to my bed, I turned off all of the lights in the house, got ready for bed, and went to sleep in his arms. He let himself out a while later, locking the door behind him.

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