Something may be wrong with me, people: I had the opportunity to get laid and said: “no worries, I’m tired too.” But, my dinner date didn’t end as planned. Perhaps it’s a phase. Perhaps it’s personal growth.
Zane and I had our concert date. He’s not very familiar with the city core and also seems a bit directionally challenged. It’s interesting to me; while I recognize everyone has different skill sets and am pretty understanding, for some reason it’s irritating to me when men I date lack that particular skill.I gave him very straightforward driving directions and he still got muddled. I was fine, as I was nursing a happy hour glass of rosé in a comfortable restaurant lounge.
During our date, I realized with certainty that Zane is not someone I could have a relationship with. He’s nice to spend time with but I’m just not on that track with him. He’s doing nothing wrong, I simply know by our interactions and my irritation level that it won’t work.
I don’t want to detail the reasons. They will sound petty and the reality is I don’t need to outline a bunch of reasons. I have reasons, and that should be good enough for me.
This is the precise moment that years before, heck even maybe as recently as last year, I would keep going without saying anything, thinking perhaps it would change, perhaps I was wrong, perhaps I was being too harsh.
But it’s never ever changed. I haven’t been wrong. I’m not harsh; I simply know what I want and what won’t work for me.
We had a perfectly nice time. Drinks and dinner and the symphony. I was happy to take him to his first. We were both tired – there’s something about calm music and sitting still that makes one almost fall asleep. He nodded off at one point. He had his hand on my leg and I knew the moment it happened because he was suddenly relaxed.
He drove me home and I asked him whether he was going to come up – I proactively said if he was too tired I would completely understand.
“Well,” he said, “if I come in and we have sex then I’m going to have to leave right after and I don’t want you to be angry with me for that.”
“I wouldn’t be angry; I completely understand. I’m tired too.”
“You’re worth more than just a booty call, Ann.”
I snort-laughed. “Yeah, I know that Zane. But thank you.”
He kissed me in the car and asked again if I would be annoyed if he left right away. I reassured him and said I was tired as well, it was perfectly fine.
He asked what time I “got off work” the next night. It’s not a concept I’m familiar with; I don’t work shifts and the nature of my job is I have to work as long as it takes. I asked him why he was asking, and he said perhaps he could come over after work.
I told him it didn’t work with my schedule. I had plans with Tony, but he didn’t need to know that.
We kissed a bit, I said goodnight and got out of his car.
As much as I could have used a few orgasms, I was perfectly fine to be alone.
And I knew I needed to tell Zane where my head was at.
But first, I had to deal with Dan.