Dinner date with Zane

Wednesday night: declined sex yet again

Something may be wrong with me, people: I had the opportunity to get laid and said: “no worries, I’m tired too.” But, my dinner date didn’t end as planned. Perhaps it’s a phase. Perhaps it’s personal growth.


Zane and I had our concert date. He’s not very familiar with the city core and also seems a bit directionally challenged. It’s interesting to me; while I recognize everyone has different skill sets and am pretty understanding, for some reason it’s irritating to me when men I date lack that particular skill.I gave him very straightforward driving directions and he still got muddled. I was fine, as I was nursing a happy hour glass of rosé in a comfortable restaurant lounge.

During our date, I realized with certainty that Zane is not someone I could have a relationship with. He’s nice to spend time with but I’m just not on that track with him. He’s doing nothing wrong, I simply know by our interactions and my irritation level that it won’t work.

I don’t want to detail the reasons. They will sound petty and the reality is I don’t need to outline a bunch of reasons. I have reasons, and that should be good enough for me.

This is the precise moment that years before, heck even maybe as recently as last year, I would keep going without saying anything, thinking perhaps it would change, perhaps I was wrong, perhaps I was being too harsh.

But it’s never ever changed. I haven’t been wrong. I’m not harsh; I simply know what I want and what won’t work for me.

We had a perfectly nice time. Drinks and dinner and the symphony. I was happy to take him to his first. We were both tired – there’s something about calm music and sitting still that makes one almost fall asleep. He nodded off at one point. He had his hand on my leg and I knew the moment it happened because he was suddenly relaxed.

He drove me home and I asked him whether he was going to come up – I proactively said if he was too tired I would completely understand.

“Well,” he said, “if I come in and we have sex then I’m going to have to leave right after and I don’t want you to be angry with me for that.”

“I wouldn’t be angry; I completely understand. I’m tired too.”

“You’re worth more than just a booty call, Ann.”

I snort-laughed. “Yeah, I know that Zane. But thank you.”

He kissed me in the car and asked again if I would be annoyed if he left right away. I reassured him and said I was tired as well, it was perfectly fine.

He asked what time I “got off work” the next night. It’s not a concept I’m familiar with; I don’t work shifts and the nature of my job is I have to work as long as it takes. I asked him why he was asking, and he said perhaps he could come over after work.

I told him it didn’t work with my schedule. I had plans with Tony, but he didn’t need to know that.

We kissed a bit, I said goodnight and got out of his car.

As much as I could have used a few orgasms, I was perfectly fine to be alone.

And I knew I needed to tell Zane where my head was at.

But first, I had to deal with Dan.

8 thoughts on “Wednesday night: declined sex yet again

  1. I think given Tony’s increased interest it makes sense that you would have less interest in others. As much as you might protest or try to fight it, it feels like you’re a little more hopeful of progressing further with Tony. There isn’t going to be room for anyone else until Tony let’s you down. Again. In spite of that both of these other guys just don’t seem right for you.

    • I actually don’t think it had much to do with Tony, and everything to do with realizing I’m not on a relationship path with Zane. I was irritated with his waffling and his continued questioning of whether I would be okay. Now that I’ve started to create more space in my life, I’m more comfortable with getting even more of it.

  2. Creating space for yourself is a very good thing. I’d go nuts if I didn’t have some me time. But there again, I’d go nuts without orgasms too! 🙂

  3. I like this Zane relationship. Someone you can spend time with. Seems honest and not just wanting sex. A true friend with benefits. I’d have loved the concert myself.

What do you think?