Harper told me once he didn’t believe in fate or things happening for a reason. It was a happy accident the Tinder algorithm decided to show my profile to him. I don’t know what I believe – is it true you get what you put out into the universe? That the universe sends you signs all the time, the key is being open to them?
Could it be someone or something cares enough about what I do that Harper finding out about my blog is the universe punishing me for any perceived misdeeds with Tony?
I don’t know. I’m a practical sort: I actually don’t spend a lot of my time thinking those big universe type thoughts. I’d like to believe in karma and reincarnation. According to a noted psychic, in one of my past lives, I was a very powerful healer. Dunno. But I do live my life as if it’s the only one I have.
One thing I know for certain is whenever I get temporarily down about a loss of potential, men come out of the woodwork without my having actively done anything to make it happen. These men all reached out within three days of Harper ending it.
In this case, it’s none of the ones I actually want, which makes it even more ludicrous to me.
Bruce and I have kept up an infrequent text conversation. The day after Harper “called it”, Bruce offered up that he was free on Saturday. Harper and I had booked a Saturday night date so I was now free. Although I knew nothing had changed with Bruce (we’d had another aborted attempt to see each other a while back) I welcomed the opportunity to not be home alone with my thoughts.
Of course, it didn’t work out with Bruce. His son decided he didn’t want to go with his Mom overnight so our date was called off the day of.
Not an hour later, Tony reached out. He called asking if he could come over to work. Since I was working anyway, I was fine with it. It was actually perfect. I worked all afternoon and night until I went to bed. It was nice to have another person in my house – to share order-in sushi and make me feel like less of a loser: dateless and having to work.
And no, we didn’t have sex. He stayed overnight until mid-day Sunday. I worked the whole time. Got through hundreds of emails in the backlog.
Leo texted me, asking if we could get together. He took three weeks to reply to my “thanks for the cuddle offer but I’m not interested in a physical relationship with you anymore” text, which I had to send because my attempts at being more subtle hadn’t worked. I thought he might be gone for good. But no. He said he wanted to take me for a drink since he still likes talking to me. I didn’t reply.
Poor John sent yet another text. This time it made me laugh out loud, then I felt like an asshole: “I wish I was your boody call.” Spelling mistake his. I haven’t replied to his last few texts and didn’t reply to that one either.
The contractor reached out after a few weeks of silence. After our last failed attempt to get together I simply stopped engaging him. He’s been busy with work and his divorce proceedings. We had a frank discussion where I said it seemed dating wasn’t a priority for him, and he reluctantly agreed.
I get it. It’s like Wayne and a few other men I’ve encountered. There is no space in their lives for dating. I’ve mostly stopped thinking if only they were into me, it would make a difference. For these guys, I don’t think they have any emotional capacity for anyone, even someone as amazing as me (snort).
John told me he was nervous to reach out – he thought I might be angry. Nope. I kept the door open for him to reach out but don’t expect anything to change. There was nothing wrong with him, if he’d been keen we could still well be dating.
I heard from Clark. It had been months. His timing was perfect; I could have used some great sex to get me out of my head. It didn’t happen.
I did get that great sex, however, from Lewis, who also reached out. It was a pretty standard Ann-and-Lewis evening. A drink, some talk about work, sex. I thought of the situation with Harper almost the entire time. It served its purpose though; I fell asleep minutes after he left and slept through the night. There was no 5 am wake up with my mind spinning.
Alan resurfaced. It had been many weeks. He pursued me relentlessly when I declined to see him. When I finally relented he backed off and I thought he was gone for good. He told me he was coming through my area mid-afternoon on Sunday and asked to take me for a drink. I had no obvious reason to say no – he’d told me he had lots he wanted to share about some major life changes he’d made, and I was willing to hear it.
But it didn’t happen. His schedule got messed up and he canceled. It was fine.
Ray came out of the woodwork as well. He said he missed touching my soft skin. Perhaps it won’t be too far a drive from him if we decide to get together.
The train conductor resurfaced as well. I’d told him I saw no relationship potential for us since I didn’t feel strong compatibility. He wanted to know why, and I didn’t reply. I didn’t really know how to phrase it. But he texted on the weekend asking to see me. I was neutral in my response. He’d perhaps be fun to hang out with as long as we are clear I’m not interested in anything more.
But I was busy that Saturday night with working Tony, and Sunday I got Liam. I told him I had Liam for the week but would be in touch when I was free. He’s back on ice.
Dan the plumber is still around. He was traveling on the weekend but was in regular contact. He’s as odd as ever. We’ve seen each other a few times, had no sexual activity to speak of, and I am prepared to tell him I see no relationship potential. Simply haven’t had the opportunity yet.
I don’t know that any of this made me feel any better. It’s nice to be desired and pursued, I suppose. But at the very least, they were all a good distraction for the moments that work didn’t occupy my thoughts. And I definitely needed the distraction.