I'm no Marilyn, but I will write anyway

Readers, I need your help.

I’ve decided to write my book. Enough people who didn’t want to get into my pants told me I should, so I figured I’d put my fear of failure aside and go for it. What do I really have to lose?

I know nothing about publishing, so I’m asking friends for information and guidance. A successful author said to me, “write the book people want to read, not the one you want to write,” which gave me pause. I’m not sure I know what people want to read.

Which is where I’d like your input.

Cheri once commented that my blog is “empowering and enlightening to many, validation to some, and just salacious reading to others. Sometimes it is all those things at once.”

This blog has almost 1,000 posts with an average of 1,000 words each. To put it in perspective, that million words is far longer than two already very long books: Les Miserables (655,500 words) or War and Peace (587,300 words). I’m no Hugo or Tolstoy. Given a non-fiction book is around 100,000 words, while I want to leverage the content I’ve already written, I need to start with a better understanding of what resonates.

This isn’t meant to be a love-in or ego boost: it is a sincere request to better understand the reasons you read, and which stories or themes most captivated you. Was it getting out of my marriage, rediscovering my sexuality, pursuing desire with few boundaries, the love stories, dating disasters? None of the above? It’s okay if you think I’m a train wreck and that’s what you enjoy: be honest about it.

In advance, thank you for your input.


You can comment here, or if you want to send it privately, use my contact me page.

21 thoughts on “Readers, I need your help.

  1. Ann, I found this after a short Google search:

    Check out these 10 self-publishing companies/platforms for getting your book out there:

    Lulu. Lulu is one of the most popular self-publishing platforms out there. …
    CreateSpace. CreateSpace is part of Amazon. …
    Kindle Direct Publishing. …
    Kobo. …
    Blurb. …
    Xlibris. …
    BookBaby. …

  2. For me, it’s seeing the growth, the real accounts of what dating is like. It comes from sharing a somewhat similar start, and a big part of it is empowering women to accept, embrace their sexualities, their desires.
    It is also the fact that you are kind. It shows in the ways you write about the men, even the douchebags.
    Not sure that helped much, but this is why I read you. And keep reading you. Your story resonates with me.

  3. As someone who has written a book and published through Xlibris, it was a breeze. I had something important to write and it only took me from the end of October to when the book was published and at all places that sell books that following January. Yep, it was only about 3 months.. Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc… As a matter of fact it can still be googles and many pages will appear as referral sources for my book
    What I find most intriguing about your writing is the fact that you are an executive telling your human side of who you are. My amazement is how many men you can fuck in a day or week… I’m no prude, and I find that Amazing! Not shocking, Amazing! With all of that you are not afraid to allow people to see that soft underbelly. Allow them to know that, yes you do cry and have emotions just like anyone else.

    You don’t want to write about everything you’ve been through,. Take some important part out and just write. Once I started I could not stop. I was at my home computer every chance I got. When I was done, I started editing with Xlebris. With their help I found the perfect cover for my book and the rest is history. They provided me with posters (one of which I have hanging up in my office) and book marks to hand out.

    I wish you the very best with this exciting endeavor!

  4. For me, now, it’s dating disasters because if YOU can have them, then I feel less alone in the world. On the flip side,it has been the love/strong connections stories are also what draws me in because it’s what is so elusive to me.

    • I second that. I had another catfish experience a few weeks ago and was mad with myself for wasting my time (even if I am now quite quick to filter them out, I hate every text or message wasted on them). A few days later you wrote about the last 3 catfishes you encountered and I felt less dumb and learned a few new things from you. I like that I learn quite a lot through your experiences ( I am less credulous), mistakes I dont have to make.

      Regarding the sex you are very empowering, because you dont give a damn about what others expect from you, you take and do what is best for you and that is what I want women to become. The new feminism. Women fighting for their right to be equal not by burning bras but by just living the life they want to live. You are empowering and enlighting.

      I think there are a lot of women out there who are getting divorced and have to figure out what their life will be after marriage, so a dating guide for these women might sell well.

  5. Frequent reader here, infrequent poster. I really enjoy reading about dating experiences from a wide variety of perspectives, which is what’s kept me on WordPress for years after I’ve stopped posting with regularity. I’m intrigued by your experience as someone older than myself, yet going through some very similar experiences with online dating, meeting different people, balancing casual and committed, and navigating professionalism and privacy vs writing and openness. I know very little about your married life but I have found your online dating trials and tribulations honest, entertaining, exciting, painful, and oh so relatable. Love the idea of a book.

  6. I live vicariously through you and that’s why I read you. My husband has MS so we have had no sex for years. I love your descriptions of what they do to you and what you do to them. Some with multiple partners, anal sex and at the sex club were way too much for me but I still like reading. Also, that you don’t give up and keep dating guys. Also, that you like the guys who don’t like you or are unavailable to you. I don’t judge you, just like reading what you’re doing. Also that you write about your adult life, no kid info, no work drama, just you. Your writing is very good, you don’t go on and on, you keep the readers invested in your life. But mainly I think it’s all the sex. Maybe write about your sex encounters like you do in your blog or go through your blog and pick out all the sex talks and not the drama. That you have fuck buddies but also have real relationships. It could be a guide for women who need sex, looking for sex, or living through someone who has a lot of sex. When I read about your vibrator years ago, it made me go out and f=get one and use it. You’re enlightening to many women. This is long but I’ve read you for years. Good luck and best wishes. If that’s a real photo of you, you’re gorgeous!

  7. One blogger I know took his blog and turned it into a book – there’s a way to export everything you’ve written so you can edit the shit out of it and turn it into a book. That’s not easy but then how to get it published? Self-publishing with, like, CreateSpace seems to work with a lot of people so that should be investigated… while you wrack your brain putting all of this into a form that makes sense and that people would want to read.

    Even I’ve been told I need to write a book and, strangely, publishing it isn’t the issue – it’s taking everything I can write this book about and putting into a form that people will want to read and that’s so bothersome that even though I’ve been published before, I don’t know where to start.

    But, sweet Ann, if you write it, I’ll read it!

  8. It’s interesting. I am and never will have the sexual prowess you do because I am way too sappy and romantic but there is that carnal urge in every human being which we are taught as women to repress. You don’t, you also are successful and have a family life which means you aren’t trashy and are overall the average woman. It’s refreshing. Your manner or writing keeps you interesting, you use humor correctly and although sometimes you are emotional it’s not overused.

  9. Writing books is fun but a monumental task. They say everyone has a book in them, Mine is published next month. But it takes time. Putting the stories together in whatever format you decide to won’t happen straight away. Once you’ve decided on the direction (look at the current market and see how you can fill in the gaps) compile the stories to fit it. Are you going to write lots of short pieces into one book, is it going to be a fictional narrative or is it autobiographical? I’ve thought about turning my blog into a book of sorts eventually but my narrative needs a lot more time to grow! Good luck. I think you have something worth producing here but let it grow naturally. Good luck. I look forward to seeing how your journey progresses!

  10. Ann,

    First, I’ll be glad to help you with the mechanics of publishing. I’ve published over 20 books and have made most of the mistakes like Farmers Insurance.

    I would try to self-publish as getting a book in print is very difficult when you don’t have a track record. Self-publishing or being an Indie writer is not difficult at all.

    Contact me off list if you need any questions answered.

    Good Luck!

  11. For me I love reading about your stories, dating disasters, positive dates just your experiences in general and definitely your growth and your developments through your experiences.
    I’m in the process of writing my own book I have paid in advance arrowhead publishers for them to edit my book and then I will be self publishing on Amazon when I finish.
    Good luck with the book my biggest advice I can give you is stay true to you.

  12. I read you for your introspection, how you make sense of the relationships in real time, how other people’s actions make you find out things about yourself.

  13. It seems to me that you have enough material for more than one book. So rather than trying to compress everything into one book you could think about a series. The challenge will be picking a chunk of material that will make the most interesting start. Once option to consider is if you have one theme around trying for a relationship and a separate one to provide more detail on the sexual encounters.

    Thinking about it though. I am a relatively new reader to your blog. I would like to read the earlier stuff but going back and catching up it a bit daunting because i don’t know where to start. So something that might interest me It is if you go back to where you started the blog. But rather than trying to cover right until the present day aim to stop at some key point. Something that makes a nice conclusion. This might give a guiding theme or two for the first book (i.e. your sexual reawakening and getting back into the dating game). Then if all goes well you can do book 2 from there with perhaps a different them (i.e. dealing with the douchebags and how you got to your dating rules, advice to new online daters).

  14. Good for you!!!!

    I read your blog because, to me, it is a tale of a women reclaiming, recapturing her sexuality. In today’s world that is a very important tale to hear.

    We live in a world where women are to be presued. Where women are supposed to be the gate keepers to sexuality (or at least to straight sex). To read a tale where a women makes a conscious and clear choice that she likes sex and presues sex herself. That flips the script. That is why I think it is so very important that tales of contemporary female sexuality are heard.

    We are living through a moment in history where the classic male female roles are being renegotiated and reformed. If we don’t want a world of more “# me too” women’s sexuality and sexual agency needs to be redefined (men’s too, we need to stop being the presuers).

    That is why I believe your voice needs to be more widely available in this discussion

    • I enjoy the idea of roles being renegotiated and reformed. I enjoy Ann’s voice because so much of her speaks for so many of us. It’s not so much that we want to be like her as much as not being judged or valued to a greater or lesser extent because of sexuality. I think her stories and thoughts need a brighter light of day in something other than a blog because they are so ordinary and yet so hidden. I want her to write a book and I want it to have broad appeal for that reason. How to write another 50 Shades of Grey is the question. I am hoping that can happen.

      That said, #metoo seems to be less about women’s sexuality and agency and more about the acceptance of a sense of entitlement to predatory behavior just because of preponderance of testosterone and sometimes power. I wish agency and sexuality effected that. #metoo befuddles me because it’s so surprising to so many. Well, metoo, and everyone I know. Now, if only the metoo voices and nothankyou voices were safe from repercussions. That isn’t the case yet but maybe more Ann’s holding the reins of executive power, more redefining what is not acceptable, more defining of what is predatory and what is bad and sometimes anti-social behavior, might.

  15. I like your voice, the way you tell a story. I disagree with the person that gave you the advice to write the book people want to read. You have to write the book that you want to read and would want to read. If you write for others your voice will be uneven and uncertain. If you write for yourself you’ll love it and that’s what matters. At the end of the day, you’re probably not going to be a commercial success, but if you write a book you’re proud of, you’ll be happy no matter what.

    I self-published my first three books and recently signed with a small publisher. If you want help, advice or just encouragement feel free to reach out to me via email.

  16. I read because I relate to you. We’re similar in many ways… have experienced the same post-divorce timeline and events and have had a sexual revolution later in life. I read for the dating stories, the love stories, and the journey.

    You have a way with words and I like your introspection.

  17. I read your blog because you have a life I’ll never have. I’m a gay single man of a certain age. I’ll never have children. I find your encounters with men fascinating. I like reading how you take charge of your life and your relationships. I love how you call men out on their bullshit. I’ve learned a few things from you. I’m fascinated by your ability to balance a child, work and a very active sex life. To sum it up, I think you have most interesting life. And probably a really great son.

What do you think?