Clearing the stable – for me.

I told my Instagram people on both my Ann St. Vincent and my real life account that I was taking a break for a while. I found myself doing dumb things like looking at certain men’s accounts who I was trying to move beyond. It was silly and unproductive.

I went through all of my messaging accounts and deleted the men who I was hoping would maybe come back, but knew they wouldn’t. In WhatsApp, I even deleted the archived exchanges (after downloading them, in case I ever wanted to reference them for the blog). The temptation is too strong when I see a text history.

I took it a step further with something I rarely do: I deleted them from my contacts. For a couple, I screen captured their contact info before I did so (baby steps, people!), but will upload the pictures to my dropbox and remove from my phone.

It’s all about trying to create the conditions that reinforce better decisions. I’m not impulsive generally, but sometimes with men, I can be. Especially those I want who don’t want me back.

Men who are gone?

Bruce – after yet another aborted attempt to meet and his not having the courtesy to reply to my last text.

The guy who kissed my friend and me on the same day. After two months of no contact, I sent him a text asking if he’d be interested in a coffee. He said no, he was seeing someone. I expected him to say no, but needed to hear it. I was instantly done.

Gregory. He never replied to my brilliantly worded emails, and I don’t want our messages sitting there, taunting me.

The contractor who flaked on a date last weekend and never sent a follow-up note to say he was sorry.

Other men, some who have been named and some who haven’t. But they are gone. My stable is cleared out, leaving only the horses who make an effort and want to be there.

23 thoughts on “Clearing the stable – for me.

    • Thank you Charlotte! At the moment I have zero interest in continuing with anyone where our interactions aren’t balanced. It doesn’t feel good; it’s not additive to my life. It feels better to have fewer distractions, but higher quality.

      • This !! You deserve the best, so refuse the ones who don’t make an effort. Put yourself first. Forget the ones who don’t see your worth. Use your time to create a premium stable and be strict about who deserves to be a part of it. And I am sure you’ll find your champion this way. Use the free time to write your book <3

  1. I deleted the last of G’s messages (few there were) before I left work Friday (long deleted from FB and he’s not on other social media, thankfully). I am off for 18 days so now it’s just coming to peace with the end of the year and trying to decide what, if anything, to do about this foreveralone situation in 2018.

    Here’s to you clearing the stables and making room for a thoroughbred.

  2. Good for you Ann! And good riddance to those who you’ve deleted. They’re not worth another wasted keystroke from you.
    A clean slate…Enjoy the love and company of your true friends and family this holiday season. Relish it! And be freed from the quasi interested ones.

    I have a feeling you will meet a man who will really knock your socks off in the coming year.

    I used to think that I wouldn’t find a man that’s the whole package of what I desired. Yes it’s taken me almost 5 years of a few flakey ones and about 3 almost relationships with men who were unavailable in one way or another, but it CAN happen! And yes it did happen when I more or less had given up. But there again I would talk to the powers that be, universe, angels, whatever you want to call it about what was on my heart and what I truly wanted in my life and in a partner, and boom! It happened!

    Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas!!

    • I’m working on relishing it! Definitely feels great at some levels… I know it’s the right decision. Too often I cede power to someone else who hasn’t earned it / doesn’t deserve it. I like getting some back.

      I do believe it will happen, someday. But I’d rather be single than with someone who is wrong for me.

      I’m very pleased you’ve found someone wonderful for you.

  3. Good for you Ann!
    And if they ever try to contact you again and you have to say “Excuse me but… who’s this?”, then it shows them you’re past them too!

  4. My rule is tell people how you feel or what you want. Sit back and wait. If they are interested they will be in touch. I’ve had three similar experiences recently. Ladies disappearing then popping back up to disappear again. Leave them to it. My self respect will not allow myself to be messed about.

    • It’s a good approach Jay. I’m able to do it with casual partners (Lewis, Clark, etc) but it’s been a challenge for me with others. And my expectation is that men are straightforward when they aren’t interested anymore. However it’s not the case. Men will say things to avoid fully closing the door or hurting feelings – but in my opinion it’s way better to be straightforward.

  5. New rules for the New Year:

    Hot and cold…he’s out.

    Words and actions don’t match. He’s out.

    Stops replying and goes dark for several days without explanation..out. Blocked!

    Confused about what he wants ….gtfout! take the trash with you!

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