A wine, cheese, and fatigue inspired ramble.

I slept terribly the last few nights. Normally I’m asleep not five minutes after my head hits the pillow, and I sleep through the night. Issues with relationships fill my mind.

Last night I woke up multiple times. My head was spinning. I’m cycling through so many emotions. Being familiar with the change curve intellectually only helps me to recognize what I’m going through. It doesn’t make going through it any easier.

I think y’all have figured out I have a big brain so I won’t be modest in this moment. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have the capacity to think the way I do. It’s not always a blessing.

This isn’t all about Gregory. Dude, if you’re reading, don’t flatter yourself.

I’m frustrated, sad, lonely, and angry.

Here’s what went down on the Gregory front. I wrote him an email shortly after he called it off, telling him I’d like to talk to him about what happened when he was ready. I said pretty much what I said here: that I was confused about what the root cause of his issue was, and felt if we could better understand each other’s perspectives, maybe there would be a chance to move forward.

He took days to reply. When he did, he said his big issue was that a third party could identify him from what I wrote. He said he had no issue with my journey (which he said was amazing) or my history and wasn’t at all intimidated by it. He also told me he hadn’t shared my identity with the reader we both knew.

It gave me hope, to be honest. He said he didn’t hold grudges. He provided some detail about what was happening in his life at the moment and apologized for taking so long to reply. He said if he’d missed addressing anything in my note, I should let him know. It seemed to go past someone simply being polite.

I sent him a long email in response, that described how careful I am to keep my identity and location confidential – and by extension, those I write about. I explained I never thought it would be possible that a reader would recognize someone I was dating. I wanted to impress upon him that I wasn’t careless. I was hoping he could forgive my errors. I bastardized a quote I love from Voltaire. I apologized profusely for what happened.

He didn’t reply.

Meanwhile, lots of dialogue here had me thinking about what was really going on. It would seem if it was “only” about his being outed, that surely he could forgive and move on. Yet he left me hanging.

It didn’t sit right.

By Sunday, I couldn’t take it anymore. I could feel myself getting angry at what I felt was a lack of basic courtesy. He could have said “Ann I simply can’t do it – I’m sorry” or something. I was worried about the possible scenario that the blogger who outed me may not have had great intentions when it came to me.

So I texted “good morning” Sunday morning. He replied right away.  I said I knew I had a lot in my email to him and understood if he needed more time to think, but was hoping he could spare a few minutes to let me know where his head was at.

He gave me details about where he was at the moment and why he couldn’t talk but asked if it was okay if we connected later that morning. I wasn’t able to do so but said I understood and would connect later.

Over the course of the day it occurred to me I was probably addressing the wrong problem. I’d assumed his issue was being outed – because that’s what he told me. But that’s a simple out – and it didn’t jive with the other things he’d said. Upon reflection, and with some advice from friends, it seemed perhaps it was more about where he was in his life, versus mine. He’d read a number of posts articulating how excited I was to have met him, and about our potential.

I think I freaked him out.

When I got back home I texted to see if it was a good time to connect. It wasn’t, and he didn’t offer another time. I decided to send another email. Less intrusive and more time for me to reflect and get my words right.

I explained exactly what I was excited about (someone who seemed to have the qualities I was looking for) and that I wasn’t quick to get on a relationship train. My readers know this – you’ve seen the stories of the men who are too intense, too fast – but Gregory didn’t. As excited as I was for the potential, it didn’t mean I assumed anything about moving to anything exclusive or a relationship with him. I know in my heart of hearts, I hadn’t gotten ahead of myself.

It was brilliantly written.

So that’s where it stands. I haven’t heard back. I don’t think I will, to be honest. I don’t think he cares enough and don’t think he saw the same rare connection I did. We had SO MUCH in common. I suspect he’s approaching this from a different frame of reference and has likely chalked me up as some crazy bitch. I’ve love to be wrong, for what its worth.

And what woke me up is the cycling through of emotions. I’ve reached the angry stage. I was beating myself up for misinterpreting his intentions. But then I went back and looked, and realized I wasn’t wrong. I was misled.

My first question to him was whether he was ready for a relationship. He said yes, with the right person. My answer is exactly the same. When he was away for the weekend with his children, he sent me several pictures of them. He told me that weekend he’d just informed them he was dating. He and I talked about having a deeper connection than sex. We described the relationships we were seeking in exactly the same way. He told me what had eluded him in a partner so far.

I didn’t suffer from confirmation bias.

I don’t want to label Gregory as a common douchebag, but it would seem – in the absence of evidence to the contrary – that like others, he was unable to be honest about what he truly was seeking for fear a woman would have no interest. Even with me, after he knew who he was dealing with.

So yeah. Waking up with that anger in the middle of the night is probably good for me.

I’m also frustrated. When I reflect on the men this past year I’ve actually been excited about, here’s how it went down:

  • Jack, who locked me down for exclusivity right away, pursued me hard like only a professional salesman could, then dumped me saying he wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend when in fact it was that he never liked me all that much in the first place.
  • Bruce, who kept me laughing and had a magic penis. And a really jealous not-as-ex-as-she-should-be wife. He thought he was ready to date, but just couldn’t get boundaries established and his life sorted out.
  • The high-end tradesman who was a great conversationalist and a terrific mix of dominant and respectful, who similarly to Bruce hasn’t gotten his life sorted with his ex and doesn’t have the emotional or practical energy to date.
  • My first offline setup; one of the best first dates I’ve ever had, with a guy who ended up making out on the same day with the friend who introduced us, and then couldn’t deal with the aftermath. Ruined a friendship and any potential he and I had.
  • Gregory.

Not a big surprise I’m a little fed up. Yes, there are men who would love to be with me. But they aren’t right for me and I refuse to settle. I did it for my marriage and won’t do it again. I’ve ended far more relationships than the reverse. I know I am making the right choices for me, but it’s difficult to be romantically alone as a result. Especially over the holidays; the only time I am so viscerally aware of being single.

Negative thoughts twist through my brain; they are unwelcome but I try to feel them, honor them, then tell them to get the fuck out of my head.

Thoughts like “none of the men I want, want me back” or “I’m too much for any man to handle; too intense and too invested” or “I’m doing this all wrong” or “there won’t be anyone who will accept me for who I am”.

It’s not only about men. I’m also feeling vulnerable about my friendships. I’ve reached out to a couple of people these past weeks, who haven’t made time for me. I have close friends but sometimes feel like I’m the one driving those friendships forward. I know it’s temporary.

I feel like I’m nobody’s primary. It’s one of the benefits of being married – perhaps the only thing I miss. That no matter what, you are somebody’s primary relationship. I don’t have it anymore. Most times, I don’t miss it. But this isn’t one of those times. Perhaps irrationally, I feel if I stopped texting everyone, it would be weeks before most notice.

Don’t worry; it’s starting to turn around in my head. I have been thinking a lot about gratitude. There is much I am grateful for – I have so many blessings in my life. Instead of worrying about whether some dude saw my worth, I’m going to focus on all the things I have to be thankful for and what I can give to others.

And I’ve decided to write my first book.

57 thoughts on “A wine, cheese, and fatigue inspired ramble.

  1. Ugh, I can understand that whole over-thinky thing pinging around in your head and stopping you from sleeping :(.

    I’m not sure which is worse: you with excitement over potentials who don’t work out or me who never feels excitement over anyone ever :/.

    I’m hoping the title of your book is ‘Douchebags I Have Shagged’ :D.


    • Oh Ferns, I really do love you. I tell myself better to put myself out there and be open to the feelings than not… but gosh does it hurt sometimes. I’ve come across friends who are super chill but underneath they are afraid of intimacy. I rush towards it and get shafted when it doesn’t work out. Not sure which is better, either.

      I was thinking: “Lessons I Learned the Hard Way”. Maybe yours could be the subtitle!!


  2. Whooo-doggie—this is one content-laden post! 😮

    And, land o’ Goshen, talk about a whole new standard of cliffhanger!! 😦

      • Whoa-whoa-whoa, hold the phone there, luv. Blame need not be lain anywhere—“content-laden” is neither complaint nor criticism; it is earnest and admiring appreciation.

        As for thoughts, at present I wouldn’t know where to begin. (Hell, after having read it mid-day yesterday, I’m still pondering “Cat Person”.) But, to keep from seeming thoroughly avoidant, I can offer this: Ms. St. Vincent, you remain peerless. 👑

        Now, if just sort of off-handedly tacking on “And I’ve decided to write my first book” is not a lulu of a cliffhanger, then I don’t know what’s what!

        (Also, I have every confidence that you paraphrased, not “bastardized”, Voltaire. 😉)

    • But, by the same token, I absolutely hear you on the negative self-talk. I do that sometimes I want to kick myself! It’s so unproductive but sometimes so deliciously horrible. LOL. I love a good pity party sometimes.

      • Well…it’s part of how we process change and grief. And yes, the term grief may seem dramatic in this context, but it’s all relative. We all go through the stages, in fact psychologists would argue you HAVE to. But we do them in different speeds. It’s true for big changes and little changes, or big griefs or little griefs (which I know is not correct grammar). It’s also not always linear – we go through one stage then can go back into another one, depending on stimuli.

        The stages are (from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s book “On Death and Dying”) denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

        As I commented in my post, knowing I’m going through them doesn’t lessen the feelings, but I do find it interesting to know it’s perfectly normal. As a blogger, I happen to write when I’m in any one of the stages, which perhaps can give the impression the feelings are bigger than they are. But it also helps me move through them and recognize what I’m feeling, and why.

    • Exactly. I have so much great stuff in my life. Just because some dumb boy (and yes, he’s neither a boy or dumb) didn’t see the same potential I did, well, it’s a small thing in the grand scheme of things.

  3. i hear you. i sometimes feel the same way, especially around christmastime. and all i can do is read and nod. and think how great it is that you’re going to write a book. I’ve said that since I was 19. still haven’t done it. ah well. good luck! You’ll be awesome, I’m certain.

    • There are a couple of times a year when that feeling of not being anyone’s “primary” come to the surface. Christmas is one of them. And I don’t want to sound like there is nobody who cares for me – my family is amazing and they would notice my absence! – hence why I’m going to practice more gratitude instead of focussing my thoughts on the lack of a romantic partner.

      And yeah, it’s why I said it here. I want to do it, so trying to make myself accountable to people which will lessen the likelihood I won’t make it happen. You should do it!! What’s stopping you?

  4. Wow! A book- Curious to know more! Gregory….you have to realize he really doesn’t ‘owe’ you anything. I know this may hurt ( trust me I’ve been there), but you weren’t an ‘item’- as much as you would have liked. Listen- I’m single( divorced -narcissist husband verbally/emotionally abused me. And Cheated on me). Been divorced a few years. I’m attractive & have a fun personality. Own my home, Have a good job. Have No kids. You’d think I’d be a Perfect catch for any guy. All the ones I’ve had first dates with that I like – I never hear from again ( I’m over having been abused & no, I’m not making bad choices). It’s unreal & boggles my mind. Meanwhile, I’ve got guys interested/ approaching me on these online dating sights that are not a fit for Me( like you I’m not going to settle and no, it’s not that I’m Not givIng some guys a chance).
    I’ve dabbled in the ‘lifestyle’ and that still temps and intrigues me, but I know deep down I want a conventional monogamous relationship where I can share more than sex with someone.
    So Ann, I know you Know this, but you are Not alone in this journey. It’s frustrsting and disappointing more than not. Especially as another year comes to close.
    Meanwhile my ex, has reappeared – SHE is out of his life apparently. He won’t discuss her. He’d like to pick up where we left off. SMH- he raped me financially in the divorce, has nothing to offer me. Uses his addiction rehab steps ( former alcoholic and some pills)as the only explanation needed … he’s a manipulator too.
    The holidays make us ( people in general)melancholy for what we don’t have.
    Like yourself I have to remember to practice GRATITUDE. My mother reminds me of this all the time.
    Sorry for rambling about Me. I just needed to tell you – you’re not alone in this particular area in this segment of this journey called Life.
    Sending you a big 🤗❤️

    • Thank you Suzy!
      Yes, I know he doesn’t owe me anything. What I find maddening is that he read my inner thoughts and made a decision based on that, without the full context or any conversation about his real issue. But, I know there’s probably more to it which I won’t know and have to make peace with the situation.

      I do appreciate you sharing your story with me. Thank you. And I find it incredible your ex would come back.

  5. You are doing it tough. I do think it’s more than just being outed. You had dialogue and you made it perfectly clear you still want him. He knows how you feel. If he wants you he will find you. Chin up! X.

    • Indeed yes. And now I think I’ve addressed the actual issue, there’s nothing more I can do. I was denied dialogue, which is frustrating, and hence why assume he doesn’t care / didn’t think our connection was strong. But if that’s true then better to know that now than after many dates. My experience with Jack was terrible and I don’t care to repeat it.

  6. Sometimes even in marriage, one isn’t the primary. Just sayin.’ And I know you know that. I wish for you to find someone who can handle all that you are and be a man about it. I believe he’s out there, somewhere, but I think he may also be a rare find. That said, you’ve also articulated that if you find someone worthy of that commitment, some things would naturally fall away and that you’re okay with that. Now, to find that man….

    • Yes, it’s a good reminder Tara. I think it is worse to be lonely in a marriage than lonely when single. I’ve been both.

      I have to believe he’s out there too. When I used to have shitty experiences I’d ask myself “would I rather still be in my marriage” and the answer was always no. Still is. But now, perhaps, I should ask myself whether I’d rather be in the relationships I walked away from. Johnny Id, Fox, Leo, HWSNBN, Alan, etc. The answer is still no… and that’s now a better reminder. Because I’ve decided to not settle, I’ve made the conscious choice to choose being alone over being with someone who isn’t right.

      • I agree, it’s better to be lonely when single than with a husband sitting right next to you, which is how I felt more Christmases than I care to remember.

        Yet, still, it sucks to be alone for Christmas. I know. I’ve made the decision to tell my family about my relationship, even though the mere thought of him sharing Christmas with my family is… unthinkable. Not ready yet, neither one of us. So I’ll be lonely this year again. No kids either. And the ex trying to make me feel guilty for not having them. And telling them I don’t want them…
        Yeah, for sure I don’t regret walking out of THAT relationship!

        But there are still times when I too feel lonely. At least, for Christmas, I’ll be with my family (parents, siblings). For NYE, I’ll be stuck at home with a few kids too young to take out to a club, but no friends to celebrate it with so far. I would love to go dancing, but I won’t get that.

        So I feel for you.

        Hang in there Ann. And yes, let’s focus on the positives.

  7. I recognize those feelings. i have felt the same at times. i think it was most common when heading into a Northern Hemisphere winter which combines with Christmas and other holidays. It might not seem like it now but as long as you focus on the positive those feelings will pass.

    • Sorry to hear you are familiar with those feelings, Hope. But yes, winter and those holidays. Blech.
      I do know it will pass – I am able to pull my head out of my ass, if nothing else 🙂

  8. I hope your mind quits for the night and you can sleep better. Sleep is very under-rated. I also know you’re Liam’s and your mom’s primary and they’re yours. This time of year people are super busy so don’t think your friends are ignoring you. And for what it’s worth I would LOVE to be single. I’m in a trapped marriage and every new year that comes I get SO mad that I’m still in this trapped marriage but will eventually leave this country and retire and go back to my home country. So enjoy Liam and your mom and watch some funny movies and forget Gregory, for goodness sakes!! He’s not that into you and you don’t need him nor will he provide you the answers you want. And a good title for your book could be.. Shit Happens!!

    • I managed to sleep through the night thank goodness. I rate sleep very highly! I’m a wreck when I’m over tired. I’m sorry to hear about your marriage. Do you think you’d be able to get out of it?
      And you’re right about Gregory. That was today’s recognition, fueled by yesterday’s thoughts… if he’s not into me enough to even reply, then he’s not someone I’m going to waste any more emotional energy on.

      • I rate sleep highly too and am also a wreck when I don’t get rest. My husband has MS and is more or less an invalid and I stay out of guilt but once I retire, I’m leaving. I’m glad you’re at the accepting stage and hopefully will be happier and calmer soon. Good luck!

  9. Also… I think you perfectly pinpointed the reason this time of year feels so lonely for me: I am not anyone’s primary. I’d never realized it before you mentioned it but that’s a biggie for me. When I was married, I came first. I miss that part about being married. 🙁

  10. Hi Ann!

    I’m a long time reader but never really commented. You helped me get through a rough divorce.

    In my post divorce dating I dated a guy very similar to Gregory. From the very beginning things were similar…he seemed to say and do the right things but yet there were clear misses. He always brought up sex. ALWAYS. Even if it was just one comment. Randomly had times he just wouldn’t respond. Sent me pics of his kids and all that jazz….then I find out he’s married thanks to a mutual fb friend with his wife.

    The whole thing just went eeriely similar. He broke up with me because “he was moving to Florida” a few months before I found out. Once I did it made everything so clear…but until then I totally had the same night time pondering as you.

    Good luck with everything and remember some people are just awful and very good at acting.

    • I’m so pleased to read I helped you get through a rough divorce, but sorry you went through it.
      That’s brutal about the married guy. The level of deception some men will go to (perhaps women as well) is really incredible.

  11. Don’t really have much to say except that I have found out over the many years that the bed we lie in at night is of our own making.

      • Really? What ever gave you that idea. My comments are only my observations based on what you post. My feelings towards you as a person are completely neutral. As much as we want to believe that what befalls us is the responsibility of “the other”, it is most often not. When I “toss and turn”, as you have been, I find myself pointing the finger at other people. The truth is that may state is the result of my choices. If this observation falls under “if you dislike me so”, perhaps my comment contains some truth.

        • Whatever gave me that idea? Let’s see…

          With Bruce, you criticised me for not proactively discussing my other sexual partners in the early days of dating. I could argue Bruce neglected to mention he was nowhere near as separated as he proclaimed to me.

          In a post talking about men who were catfishing online, with the sole goal of receiving hot texts or pictures (which I declined to send them), you accused me of having “sudden morality” about the fact one was married. You said perhaps the catfish was justified in his lies because I hadn’t established I was trustworthy. You said when I have a lifestyle of “anything goes”, this is what I get. That’s a whole lot of judgment there, Wayne. I won’t even begin to decompose why you’d think because I’ve chosen to have casual partners (or whatever you think deems me to have loose morals) that I deserve to be treated like shit.

          You suggested through following my Instagram account that I never consider my partner’s needs and its always about me. You suggested I was spoiled as a child. Well, this blog is about me, and yeah, I’m trying to find the right person FOR ME. But I think there are many stories on this blog that prove I will also stay with someone too long, to my own detriment. I beat myself up taking accountability for things that aren’t my fault.

          You used Drew as an example of my selfishness. A guy who on a date ended up sending me a text meant for another woman he was meeting right after me, and lied about it.

          One of my favorite sayings is that the one common feature of all my failed relationships is me.

          I am keenly aware of my own responsibility in all of my interactions. I own my own shit. However I refuse to take on responsibilty for all of the actions of others.

          I would say your comments don’t ever come across as neutral. They aren’t balanced, they have each been critical and implying I am the only one to blame for the behavior of the men I write about. The judgment and bias behind them drips from your words.

          I don’t need people to agree with me all of the time, and I appreciate a good challenge, but you have demonstrated no kindness or empathy at all. Hence my curiosity.

          • That is a long list of my transgressions. I apologize for missing the instructions on your blog requesting that comments be “empathetic and kind”. While I can, from time to time, demonstrate kindness, empathy has never been a strong suit for me. I believe it to be non-productive and of little value. I must, with all due respect, disagree with your assertion that you do not need “others to agree with me”. There might very well be some other minor reasons for your blog, but the central purpose of it is the validation and support for your choices, decisions, and actions . All of us, including me, want to believe others find our choices and our actions to be right. Your blog affords you the opportunity to achieve that.

          • You asked why I thought what I thought, and I answered you. And the assertion that my blog is primarily to validate myself serves to reinforce that you don’t actually understand me at all. It’s not why I write. Yes, for sure it’s nice to hear when it happens, but I equally value the people that call me out and challenge me on things. I’ve said to friends it’s as if I have many therapists, and it’s exceedingly valuable to my journey.

  12. I am still not sure how that blogger connected your posts to Gregory as they seemed to be rather unidentifiable, but I guess sometimes shit happens. I think you dogded a bullet with Gregory and I am glad you realized the root of this matter. I wish you all the happiness in the world <3

        • I’m not sure he’s welcome back at this point – he has not demonstrated he saw my worth or felt the same connection, so why would I want something casual and ongoing with someone who doesn’t?

      • A few comments. 1 I was hoping you’d comment on cat person. 2 I’ve been the guy on the other side of the blogger comments. She wrote about our interactions after they happened, and in most cases the inner dialog was as the public dialog. But a I couldn’t help but check to see what she wrote after the encounter, and b when doubts and uncertainty was present after what seemed to me an experience irl free of doubt and uncertainty, I was thrown for a loop. I hoped I knew who I was with irl, but that knowledge of an inner dialog with a blogger audience that seemed more authentic than a dialog with me irl was frustrating or confusing or unknowable to say the least. Does that make sense? It’s as if the truth occurred in two spaces. I wouldn’t call her a liar irl to me, but, serious romantic feelings in this case, may have been like policy writing or sausage making. We all want elegant presence and immediacy?

        Not saying that’s where you and Gregory were headed, or that you had reservations, but there is always the maybe. And perhaps he had baggege to that end in his background?

        • I’m still processing the “cat person” article; it really resonated.

          Let me see if I understand you… You’re saying it was difficult to reconcile the conversations you had IRL with the blogger, with what you were reading on her blog? That she discussed doubts about the two of you which she hadn’t discussed? Is that right?

          I wasn’t sure what your reference to “policy writing and sausage making” and the phrase “we all want elegant presence and immediacy” meant.

          With Gregory, I don’t think it was that I had doubts…it was that I was excited to have met him. More excited than he was about me, apparently.

          I can completely understand that it would be offputting. I also know that as a blogger, I spend time unpacking certain thoughts I have that I might not yet be willing to share with someone. I write to help me process – and sometimes, the thoughts may be transitory and therefore not enough to share with someone yet. Does that make sense? I want to make sure I understood your point before I respond more to it.

          • Yeah, you got it.

            I guess the “laws are like sausage making, not a pretty sight” is a Bismarck quote. And I injected it to mean that getting emotionally to a good place in a relationship is often fraught with termoil. I don’t mean that one settles as much as one seems to adjust and temper, raise and reraise expectations and drama and HOPE.

            I think that’s one of the essential qualities of what blogs can do, in fact, and I really like how yours takes us on that literary ride. But at the same time, I’m reminded of that great line from Gatsby about “priveleged glimpses into the human heart.”

            Seeing how somone processes their reactions to me is probably the scariest thing I’ve ever emotionally experienced. It’s so much easier to live in the sanitized world of reality and presence and action and immediacy.

            As for Gregory, I’m sure, if you liked him he must have been worth a damn, that he knew that much much more complicated magnificence and analysis and introspection on your part would be on the horizon. I mean, that’s the best possible outcome, right?

            Even if he knew only that you blogged, he should have been able to figure out the possibilities.

            I’m not saying he acted correctly, just that anyone would be intimidated by the idea.

          • I sent you an email by the way. Hope you don’t mind.

            You’re so right about the turmoil in the early days of relationships / dating. There is so much to sort out with the other person and we make many assumptions. I was thinking about that (and other things) when I wrote the post I put up. Hope, expectations, and the like.

            What happened with that blogger? Were you able to get past seeing her reactions to you written for anyone to see? I’m sure it’s very offputting. I have said to my friends if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t want to know I’m dating a blogger – maybe after we’d been dating for a while in a good place, and only if they’d been transparent about what I would read. Otherwise, it’s not information I would want to have.

            I thought he was worth a damn. But it was very early days and I didn’t really know. Are you calling me complicated and magnificent? I kinda like it if you are.

          • Idk why I can’t reply below, but…

            Ultimately, she dumped me.
            But we only went out for 3 months.

            Basically, she wrote to try to figure out why she didn’t like me as much as she thought she should have,

            It was my first post divorce relationship, and, of course, we are still friends. She is a wonderful person, and a very talented artist, and I hold nothing she said against me.

            Also, she was upfront about her blog from the get go, but not used to people like me who would read everything.

            But yeah, the first rule of dating a blogger.: don’t take anything in the blog personally. Nothing written there is as important as what happens in real life.

            Even as I read that above statement, I question its veracity.

          • Well… I think there’s a balance. With someone like my most recent dating fiasco, He definitely didn’t have all of the context which pisses me off. Perhaps he wasn’t all that into me anyway, which meant he had no reason to care for me to explain.

            But… there have been times when I’ve had my doubts about men I’m dating and I wrote about it. I think it’s one thing to read an occasional “this thing happened and I’m not sure how to process it”, which may not be something I would bother telling the other person about… and a totally different thing if it’s “hmm I don’t think this person is right for me at all”. It sounds like your scenario is the latter. In that case (and I know I’m making a lot of assumptions) it would seem you were a victim of the delay between someone thinking something and being willing to discuss it.

          • There was always lots of discussion in my case.

            And again, in Gregory’s case, it’s not the truth that matters but how he may have understood his role in your narrative.

  13. Good luck with your book, I know it will be great!!
    I understand your feelings so well, there have been many times with my friends or lovers that I have felt like an “afterthought”

What do you think?