I don’t think I breathed until I saw Gregory’s reply: “Trust me, nothing shocks me.”
“And so have I done those things”
“And that answer was fluff, testing the water”
Yes, of course it was. It was already nerve-wracking enough telling him something I rarely tell anyone. So I said “It’s a big risk to talk about this stuff. I have found men either can’t handle it because it’s intimidating, or they feel insecure about it. Or worse, I stop being a fully fleshed-out woman and become only about sex.”
“You are describing boys and dogs, Ann. Not men.”
I could be in real trouble with this one.
I replied, “my challenge is if I met an amazing person who was open but perhaps not as willing to play on the edges, then I’d probably give it all up. So I don’t ever want to give someone the impression that I’m not. I want to find the right person to be in a relationship with. Some of the stuff I’ve done was me exploring my boundaries and getting my mojo back.”
He said, “I am big on the edge”. He asked if I’d been to one of the local sex clubs and I replied that I had.
He asked if he could call me.
We spoke for a while as I prepared for my party. We talked about sexual experiences and established more things we had in common. I asked him whether he considered himself monogamous. He said it was a great question and revealed it was something his therapist had recently asked him. I loved that he was open about being in therapy, and honestly, that he’s even in it. It demonstrates to me a sense of willingness to admit one can use help and guidance, and a belief in personal growth.
But his answer really threw me, because he described almost exactly how I think about my ideal arrangement, with the same caveat that it’s all theoretical. He also wants to be in a committed relationship but is open to exploring with his partner.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was simultaneously worried that all this sex talk was going to steer us away from a potential relationship path, but it wasn’t because of anything he was saying or doing. Past experience has proven to me its a very rare man who can discuss sex but still want more from a woman he’s dating.
We spoke more about some of the things I’d done. He told me he loved MFM threesomes because they are all about his partner’s pleasure. The way he described it increased my heart rate.
It seemed we could talk forever, but I had to get ready for my party. We said goodbye.
A few hours later, he said “quick question, what is the name of the street you live on?”
I answered him and didn’t think much of it, figuring perhaps he was putting my address into his phone. I sent him one more question before my girlfriends arrived: What thing has most eluded you in your search for a partner? And what is something others perceive you to be, that you aren’t?
A few hours later I saw he’d replied to both. The first was “finding the whole package…brains, quick, clever, good-looking, kinkster, gregarious.”
Check, check, check, check (ish), check, check, I thought. I hoped he saw the same checkmarks I did. The second he answered very truthfully and I knew he felt vulnerable when he added: “…and that, btw, is me opening up even further than anything I can say sexually.”
I liked his answers and that he felt comfortable sharing, and texted so in my reply. I told him my friends were over and he asked me to text him later.
At midnight, he texted he was going back to his hotel and asked if I was still up. He asked if I had a good night and then said: “odd question, was there a surprise for you?”
“No. Like what?”
He told me he called a friend who lived near me and asked him to drop off a bottle of his favorite champagne. He said, “would have been killer if it worked.”
Wow. I was impressed and flattered, and starting to become convinced perhaps I needn’t worry he had put me in the “sex only” category. He asked if I could call him which I of course did. We spoke on the phone for 90 minutes. I wasn’t sober and may have at one point said “oh Gregory, this is so so so so great. I’m really glad I met you.” Which I didn’t feel too bad about since he reiterated he felt the same way.
We hung up just before 2 am.
I got a text just afterward: “FYI (and at the risk of being way too frank) I am totally going to be masturbating thinking about you in about two min”
“That’s awesome Gregory, I’m very flattered. I hope I can do you proud in your thoughts”
“No you are doing yourself proud, trust me”
“I oddly do trust you already. Now I’m thinking about you and what you’re doing. Goodnight Gregory. xo”
“As you should be. Will let you know the visits tomorrow. Goodnight”
I was asleep within a few minutes, thinking of a man who seemed too good to be true.
Image from the 1949 movie “The Great Sinner”, starring Gregory Peck.