John is romantic; I am irritated.

Previous Post

Forgot in my prior post to mention that during the game, John had trouble figuring out how to set the lock screen on his Android phone. We figured it out and his choice for lock screen picture was…. the picture I’d sent him of myself. I died a little inside… it seemed WAY too much for me. He also Facebook friend requested me, and I told him I wasn’t accepting it because it was way too soon. But I let it go.

Monday morning he sent me a few song lyrics he wrote for me (hence my reference to him as a poet). It was nice, but I chafed a little at his over-the-top romanticism.

At 10 am he sent me a text saying he’d asked for 5 days but he decided he didn’t want an answer (to whether I was willing to be exclusive). He said, “just one day at a time, you can tell me when you want.” He said he had no right to ask me to change my life for him, and he was okay.

I told him I appreciated his willingness to let me be at the pace I need to be comfortable. I told him I wasn’t good when I felt I was being pushed. Then I asked him out for that Friday. He said we could see a movie or shoot pool. I suggested the latter – I like to go out with people. He replied, “I follow my heart even if it leads me to folly.” Which was uncomfortably close to what HWSNBN used to say. I told him it made me uncomfortable when some is that intense so soon.

Folks. If someone tells you these things, you need to listen. John said he would back off. I chose to believe him. He added I was someone worth being intense about, which told me he didn’t really understand what I was saying.

We talked about perhaps meeting one night after Liam was asleep. Then he suggested we leave it until Friday night and let the desire build until then.

Fine. I clarified that seeing someone a couple of times a week wasn’t what made it intense.

His response was to then ask to see me before Friday.

Is your brain hurting with his back-and-forth? Mine was, and it didn’t get better.

He said, “I think my heart has a learning disability when it comes to you.” It wasn’t even noon yet. Then he added another boner killer: “I wrote on Facebook about a year ago that no one seems to want my broken heart. Maybe you could want it a little.”

Sigh. It started to seem John wasn’t the confident guy I thought he was. That kind of stuff he may have seen as romantic, yet I found it weak. I don’t like weak.

But I put those thoughts to the side. The man who’d said he wanted to be my “pussy’s best friend” on the weekend was still there somewhere. Right? Then he told me he thought I was so comfortable with someone wanting my body, but was uncomfortable with the idea of someone wanting all of me.

I thought again he’d missed the mark. I have had men who wanted all of me – Tony being the most notable example – but there’s a difference between thinking its rare and being accepting of it. John took my reluctance to mean I’m not open to love. I found his insights irritating when I should have found them endearing. What he didn’t understand is me putting on breaks was because I don’t like what it says about a man willing to drive off a cliff. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to get in the relationship car with someone.

Later he wrote “After all I have written today, you must think I’m a pussy.”

Sigh. I’m not on this planet to be constantly reassuring someone after just a couple of dates. I told him not to stress. His response? “I’m pushing a few ladies back a week. Strangely they are all coming out of the woodwork the moment I meet you.”

Now I was even more irritated. I replied “You’re choosing to tell me about women coming out of the woodwork now? A few a week? It’s been three days. You trying to make me jealous?”

He then told me I was the only girl for him. That it was “only” that one wanted to meet him that night and another on Tuesday and another on Wednesday. But he was mine all week. That he wasn’t available to meet anyone but me.

After the ridiculous catfish situations, I was tired of being manipulated. In some ways, it’s even more annoying when it comes from a man who professes to be a good guy. I don’t like games and I don’t like when someone uses texts like he was to try to elicit a certain response. I’d rather someone just be open about what they are feeling and deal with it head-on.

I told him I wanted him to do what he needed to do, and I didn’t want to hear about anyone else. I said, “if it is right the others will just fall away.” He apologized for telling me and said none of them mattered, just he and I mattered.

Later he told me he couldn’t wait to see me again… he needed to be between my legs again.

I caved and agreed. Sex didn’t happen: I fell asleep on his lap on the couch. He was great about it. Despite his again bringing up the topic of exclusivity and the other women that wanted to date him, I still thought perhaps it was going to be okay between us. I would see what the next few days brought.


21 thoughts on “John is romantic; I am irritated.

  1. The no job and living with his sister for a year should be huge red flags. Also, he has too much time on his hands with no job and he’s coming across as going overboard because he is going overboard. I’d tell him gently over the phone and hope he doesn’t stalk you.

    • I figured there was something going on if he’d stayed with her for so long. I know he was the one to move out… but if he was as successful as he seemed, then he wouldn’t have had an issue getting his own place. He did say he had a hard time after their split.
      And yes, I was annoyed he couldn’t stop texting during my work day.

  2. Yikes! The unemployment, living with his sister were huge red flags to me, because 2 years after his break-up should give him enough time to get back on his feet both financially and emotionally. He is way too needy/clingy.

    “He added I was someone worth being intense about, which told me he didn’t really understand what I was saying.” Oh I think he understood, but choose to ignore/discount your feelings. Glad he’s off the radar.

    • He ignored my feelings a number of times. He’d say “I don’t do what I’m told”… and all I could think was “that’s fine, but there’s a difference between being a rebel and being disrespectful.

  3. I pity the other women who are “in the woodworks”. One is bound to fall for it and suffer.
    Glad you’re as observant as you are now.
    Sigh! It would have given me the creeps too I think. I don’t like pushy men.

  4. By the way: reading your title again, I don’t believe that’s him being romantic. I think it is him being manipulative.
    I tend to have a romantic heart. I am the first one who said I love you. I didn’t expect anything in return.
    And waited close to an extra year before I allowed myself to call him sweet names. I knew he needed to take things slow.
    If he’s not willing to go at your pace, especially after you told him you needed more time, less pressure… then he is manipulative. Maybe not intentionally so, but it doesn’t feel romantic to me 😊

    • Totally agree Dawn – and ultimately his behaviors like that were why I saw huge red flags. The deal making, the attempted control of me, lack of his own impulse control, saying one thing than doing another. That’s why he reminded me of HWSNBN. They both wrapped up all that behavior in “romance”.

What do you think?