A couple of days of texting later, I asked whether he wanted to meet for a coffee or drink. He said yes, but he didn’t “really know” where I was. When I said my precise location didn’t matter, he called me “miss spy”. We made plans to meet after work that Friday, and our texting for the next day was perfectly normal.
That was Tuesday.
He didn’t text again.
On Saturday, the day after our supposed date, I texted “what happened to us going out yesterday after work” and he replied the next day “I don’t know, I never heard back you disappeared for two days.” He said he wanted to try again.
Now I was really curious about this man who seemed totally off by text but fine on the phone. I fully expected nothing to come of it. I’d experienced enough weirdness that my gut suspected we were never going to meet in person.
On Sunday, he said we would set something up.
He didn’t text again.
I was now playing with him. Five days later, on Friday, I said: “so…when are we going to ‘set it up’?”
He asked again where I worked, and I was slightly more specific than before. He said he worked nearby, which was different than what he said before. When I inquired, he said he worked at a different location on Friday’s. I suggested we could meet for a drink after work since we were so close. He said, “okay I will see what time I finish, gorgeous.”
We had some admittedly fun banter off and on for the next couple of hours. We’d agreed to meet around 8 pm after I’d met up with some girlfriends.
At 3 pm he said, “I am stuck at work late.”
I replied asking how late was late, and he never replied.
When I was finished with my friends, just before 9 pm, I texted asking if he was still working. No reply.
The next morning I woke up to see he’d texted “no” at 2:30 am and then “yes” at 10 am. When I asked him what happened he said he got stuck at work and then his nephew called.
Right. I asked him if he wanted to talk on the phone.
Five hours later he said, “got tired had a nap”.
I asked him what he was up to that night. He said he was going to a masquerade downtown. He said he was wearing a tux but wasn’t on a date: he was invited by the company given some of the work he used to do.
At 9 pm, I asked him to send me a picture. At 10 pm, he said he will wait to take one. He then said he would take one “in a minute” and asked for one of me. I sent him a face pic from a haircut I’d gotten earlier that day.
He sent me another stale picture, then told me I had “hot lips and hair.”
He said, “I am curious to hear how you talk at some point.”
Oh for the love of Christ.
“We’ve spoken on the phone,” I replied.
“I know, but up close.”
This guy had an answer for everything.
I asked him for a picture again.
He tried to steer the conversation to one of a sexual nature and I was having none of it. I told him he only got the goodies after we met.
Imagining him at a table with other guests, I asked him for a picture of his view, if he couldn’t take one of himself.
He sent me a picture saying it was a “promo video in the dark”. If he was in a banquet hall, it had the lowest ceilings I’d ever seen. There were no lighted tables in the background. I’d put money on it being his big television in his basement.
I asked him where the event was and he told me a different location then when I first asked. He kept trying to get me to engage in a sexual discussion about what would happen if I was there with him, while I wanted to see how far I could push him to show me himself before he just shut down again.
I asked him to send me a better picture and he sent me another old one. He said “your turn”, telling me he’d send me one of him in his tuxedo when the lights turn on. Sure. He asked for a picture again.
He said, “if your hair was wet and gently draped down your back it would look gorgeous I’m sure.”
Hair fetish, maybe? Is that what I was dealing with?
I asked him if he had a thing for hair. He said, “I am a hair guy, amongst other things, but we don’t discuss those, and do you have another pic.”
I told him I was feeling uncomfortable and didn’t want to have such a sexually laden conversation. He said he understood totally.
We’d now been communicating somewhat steadily for three hours. He never took a pause to drive to his “event”. Never found 2 mins to snap a selfie. And at 11 pm, when I added it was because I didn’t know him and had never met him that I wasn’t willing to have that kind of conversation with him, he said he understood.
I asked him for a “penguin pic”, referencing an earlier comment he’d made about looking like a penguin. He never replied.
The next morning I woke up to a text he’d sent at 4:36 am: “I would hate to overly sexualize the conversation with that.”
It all fit the pattern I’d experienced before. When I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, he stopped trying. Then became sarcastic and mean.
I said “I see. I don’t know why you’re lying and what your issue is, but it’s too bad.” I went on to say he was obviously smart but there were too many red flags, and said if all he wanted was a hot chat perhaps he try Adult Friend Finder where he could get that in spades.
I closed with “don’t screw around with women who genuinely want to meet someone. Most aren’t experienced enough to know when they’re being played. It’s cruel.”
And I knew there was no point. I knew I was right, and I knew that he would never say “wow Ann you’re so right about me, I’m a predatory jerk! Thank you!” but it made me feel better sending the text.
It didn’t last. His reply made me mad: “I am none of those things. And you are not being played. But when I meet someone who demands pictures then says they don’t want to sexualize a conversation and never return the same courtesy then I think why is this person single, perhaps they are not well-adjusted. After that rant then perhaps its that. Enjoy your loneliness you are dismissed.”
I blocked him on Tinder and my burner app and reminded myself my gut doesn’t let me down.
Image from the 1945 Hitchcock movie “Spellbound”