They aren’t catfish, but are just as bad.

This may need a new dating term – someone who uses their actual pictures, but who lies about their purpose for being online. They may actually be single as they profess, but they aren’t seeking dating or a relationship. Here’s another story of my being catfished.

The only thing they want is to get off on pictures and a sexually-charged chat.

Some may be willing to speak on the phone, but most aren’t. Some are very clever at how they present and interact, and it’s hard to realize they are not-quite-catfish.

This has happened to me three times in two weeks. 

The first will get his own post because he was the ugliest person of the three. The second didn’t have me fooled for long; something seemed off, but at first, I couldn’t place it.

His photos were innocuous, but he looked slightly different in enough of them it seemed they could have been over an extended timeframe. In other words, he may have been older than some of his pics indicated.

When we first moved to text, he asked me whereabouts in the city I lived. I was specific enough to my neighborhood, which satisfies pretty much everyone.

I asked him what brought him to Tinder and what he was looking for. His reply? “Sometimes I get bored so ya know it’s tough to meet people”.

We had an innocuous enough conversation and he signed off with “ok sleep sweet gorgeous”.

The next morning he called me “young lady” and when I told him I was having a nutty day he replied, “same, neighbor”.

Huh? We didn’t live in the same area of the city.

So I said “neighbor? whereabouts do you work?”

He asked where I was in his neighborhood. I told him (again) the neighborhood I lived and worked in. He didn’t make any reference to the fact I’d told him the same thing the day before.

We moved on to talk about our respective jobs. When I said I loved my job he said: “good girl that’s a plus.”

He asked me how my online dating experience had been and I replied that the “30-year-olds who want kids aren’t the ones for me… or anyone who just wants to bang.” He laughed at my use of the term and then called me a “naughty pants”.

At this point, all of those small oddities (young lady, good girl, neighbor, naughty pants) started to add up to something that just felt… off. I didn’t ignore it but was aware that so far we’d only communicated via text and some people’s rhythm and terms didn’t resonate.

We continued our dialogue about common interests and work. We’d been texting on my burner app for two days.

The next day, he messaged me on Tinder, replying to a question I’d asked before we’d moved to text. He’d clearly forgotten he was already texting me.

Then on my burner app he texted “I have a request.”

“Clarify who I am?” I replied.

“Can I have a pic?”

I thought it was hilarious he had no idea which woman he was texting. And dopey, since to figure it out all he would have to do is look at our Tinder message history to see my phone number.

I told him I’d already replied to him on Tinder and he said “Please yes I know miss blonde hair. You have hot hair.”

I asked whether he still wanted a picture now that he knew which Ann he was speaking with. He said he did, adding he would try to not get too graphic.

Again with the odd comments.

I sent him a fresh picture where I was imitating this emoji 👩🏼‍💻 behind my computer screen, and asked him for one in return. He said he liked my glasses, had an interesting look, and asked how long my hair was.

He sent me a picture back which wasn’t “live”. I told him the whole point of the exercise was to send a live picture and gave him a joking hard time about giving his number to too many Ann’s. “Way to make a girl feel special”, I joked. He replied he was bad and if he offered to make me feel special it could get naughty.


Ladies, if a man gets to the sexy talk when you haven’t met, I will pretty much guarantee he’s not looking for more than a “bang”.

I told him he needn’t worry, I wasn’t going to get naughty with a man I haven’t met. He asked for a full face picture and I replied that I’d established I was real. He then said, “I wish I could see your hair.”


I told him I was still waiting for a current picture and he said the one he sent was the prior week. “I will take a full face, gorgeous, but send away.”

At that point I was pissed. Do women fall for that? I told him I wasn’t sending him more pictures, that he knew who I was.

“You’re one tough cookie,” he said.


I asked him why he wanted another picture. He said it “never hurts to see a person in different lights.” and I replied that’s what a drink was for, to see if there was in-person chemistry, and maybe have a phone call before that.

I was curious what he would say when I tried to take it to the next logical step. I felt something was off but was intellectually curious. His reply? “True.” And that was it.

The next day, I replied “for what its worth, if a guy is interested that’s the time you say ‘yeah we should totally talk, when is a good time?’ lol”.

He then asked me where I was in the city.

What the actual fuck.

I decided to just answer again, instead of saying “what the fuck is your problem, I’ve now told you this three times.” I wondered if he was on drugs, or perhaps deleted chat histories and if someone texted him back, he wouldn’t know who it was but he’d ask questions to try to refresh his memory.

He then asked where specifically I lived, and I told him I wasn’t comfortable being more specific. I asked why he was asking and he simply said “Curiosity”. He seemed to want to text again so I asked him to talk on the phone. I was shocked when he called and even more surprised when he sounded perfectly normal.

We had a decent conversation, so I decided perhaps he was just a very awkward texter, and I’d still give him a try.

Image from the 1945 Hitchcock movie “Spellbound”

28 thoughts on “They aren’t catfish, but are just as bad.

  1. He sounds like he has a lot of chats on the go and doesn’t care to even retain the personal details of those he talks to. I’m surprised that he actually called!! Is he old? His choice of words sounds like he could be?

    • It’s been a while for me as well. I wonder if because I was engaging with multiple men I didn’t notice it, or perhaps was more willing to just see what would happen.

      I also think perhaps OKC may be more ripe for these things, because there are so many sex questions… someone can read a lot to know whether they want to try to have a sexy conversation. Whereas on the other vanilla sites its a bit of a crap shoot when they reach out to someone.

  2. It’ll be interesting to see how this one pans out. My knee jerk reaction at first was that he might be a spammer.
    And yeah I too got sick of the ones just fishing to fuck or trade pics.
    Thankfully I’ve caught a great gentleman.
    They DO exist!!

What do you think?