A wee rant about cancelling.

Sometimes, I wonder if men really understand why cancelling last minute is super annoying for women.

The plumber and I have now had two nights where we’ve made plans, and he’s cancelled both at the last minute. I have Liam for an extended period of time, so if he wants to see me, it has to be at my place for a drink after Liam is asleep.

I suppose 9:15 pm is late for someone who starts work at 6am, but I’m in the camp of “don’t make plans if you can’t follow through.”

While nowhere near as serious as standing someone up when they are meeting you at a restaurant, or even cancelling last minute when you are going out, still. There’s a lot I do to prepare for a casual pop-by.

In the morning, I shower and shave a number of body parts. Because I’m blonde I can’t have laser hair removal so it’s legs, armpits, bikini line. I trim the bush, and remove the hair on my upper lip.

I tidy my bedroom and my house. I think about what I will wear later that night.

When I get home from work, I wrangle the child and tidy the house, again. I have a boy – shit happens. I make sure there is enough wine in the fridge. Contemplate snacks. Sometimes take out cheeses to get to the right temperature.

I make sure I’m wearing nice underwear and a non-boring bra. Wrangle the child some more, hustle him to bed in time. Brush my teeth when he brushes his. I don’t get changed into my pyjamas, as I usually would. I get changed, depending what I wore to work. I make sure my hair looks somewhat reasonable. I put my contacts in.

I sit with Liam as he falls asleep.

I get the text:

“Hey Ann, I’m laying down. I hate to miss out seeing you. But 6am comes early and I’m tired.”

Sigh.

17 thoughts on “A wee rant about cancelling.

    • First time it was fine by me because I was exhausted and needed the sleep. I didn’t make it a big deal. Second time I told him I was irritated. I think he would have no idea the work I do to be a good hostess. If I thought for one moment I was being played, I would be out.

  1. I know that feeling. Sometimes, I’m irritated that, since we always meet at mine, I’m the one having to do some sort of tidying up, at least of my room, change sheets, shave, shower… wash my hair (he has close to none left)… all these things take time.
    But then, I remember that I’m the one who often cancels on him, or at least ask to change plans, and he never said anything when I was too unwell to clean or tidy up much, and doesn’t complain about helping do the bed if need be. So it’s really just remnants of conditioning I’ve had in my previous relationship. I’m learning.

    But when it’s a first date, or close? Yes, it takes time to get ready, and they don’t seem to understand it!

  2. It’s difficult when you are a single parent and have to juggle all the roles in your life. I’d suggest not giving him another opportunity to disappoint you by last-minute canceling. If you can meet earlier or on a night when he doesn’t get up for work, maybe. But it seems fairly clear your schedules and lifestyles are not routinely workable no matter how good his intentions to see you.

    • Yes, thank you Janelle. I think he genuinely wanted to, but shouldn’t have promised. So we now have a date for an evening event next week that starts at 7. And we’ve said “maybe” he will come by Sun night but I am not going to do any prep expecting it to happen.

      • Maybe you should have. To me it was very inconsiderate. I understand people have to cancel sometimes, but there are more considerate ways to do so. That’s just my two cents. I don’t know the man, so I can’t really judge the way you can.

        • I think I also give off a pretty relaxed vibe when it comes to plans like that, so he could be forgiven for thinking the plans were tentative / casual. He’s usually the one that is texting often and confirming plans, so I don’t get the sense he’s a player or super inconsiderate. We shall see, maybe it will be a mistake to try again.

What do you think?