Last week in the midst of the chaos, I hid my online dating profiles so the only men who see me are those with whom I’ve already connected.
I once referred to online dating as a sales funnel, and it’s true. Once I have a bunch of prospects I can’t handle any more, and need to have them work their way through the pipeline. It’s amazing how quickly one can go from multiple prospects to none.
Some never progress past initial discussions. In these cases, I tend to use silence to determine someone’s interest. If I’ve been the last to reply to something, I will often stay quiet to see when they reach out.
The pace of communication someone sets says a lot. Those who are keen are communicative, period. I don’t mean constant texting. Especially the men who work with their hands, they don’t text during the day – but they drive discussions forward and show interest in meeting again.
The others just go silent, and I let them. I have chased men before, and it doesn’t serve me well. While they may reply, not wanting to be “that guy” (see: Kyle), it’s not due to interest.
I’m still talking to the plumber. He texts every day a few times and we have plans to see each other again.
The landscaper who broke my sex post-surgery dry spell in still in touch. We have no plans.
The mid-week date that I felt no chemistry with? He wanted to see me again, and I sent a nicely worded thanks-but-no-thanks text. He replied graciously.
The dirty poet? I had to think about what to do and say. He was (is!) smitten, sending nice messages and pictures. I was certain a relationship wasn’t going to happen with him, but could see us hanging out every once in a while.
So that’s exactly what I said to him by text. He took it well – too well, perhaps – saying he wanted to be around to support Liam and me, and thought we could be lifelong friends. Hmm.
Tom, the contractor who I had sex with on the first date, is still around. Not hearing from him for 48 hours after he left my house made me think he had ghosted. It was confusing because he didn’t seem the type. He wasn’t dating a lot of women. He’d been equally invested in talking and meeting again.
But it was none of that. I didn’t push, and he resurfaced. We have tentative plans. Since I have Liam for a longer stretch than usual, I don’t have much flexibility. And not surprisingly, men who start their work days at 6am aren’t keen on late night meet ups.
Jake and Lewis and Tony are all around in their own way. There are a couple of other men who profess interest in meeting, but it hasn’t happened yet.