Bruce is one big scheduling challenge.

That’s probably not a fair title, but right now it feels that way. I’ve been home for days and I still haven’t seen him. Worse, we don’t have a firm plan in place.

I returned on Wednesday afternoon. When I was away, we made plans to see each other for a date Friday night. I knew even if he couldn’t stop by on Wednesday or Thursday for an after-work kiss, we had Friday locked down.

Wednesday and Thursday didn’t work out as planned. Bruce doesn’t have control over where he’s physically located each day. His boss tells him in the morning where he needs to go. While often he is downtown relatively close to me, he can be all over the city. He also lives an hour’s drive away in rush hour – but only about thirty minutes without traffic.

So depending where he is at the end of his day, he’s not going to drive back to my place, just to turn around and go home again. I get it.

I didn’t feel neglected – we’ve spoken multiple times each day – nor did I think he was playing games. But I very much was looking forward to see him. On Thursday he had bad news – his ex had to end a vacation with the children early to go visit a critically sick relative several hours away. Which meant Bruce was going to have his children Thursday and Friday night. And no date.

It also meant he didn’t know when he’d be free – if at all – later that weekend after Liam went to my ex’s. 

During one of our conversations, he told me since his ex had had the kids for two weeks, he was going to take them the following week. Completely understandable, but it meant we were now on opposite child weeks. My heart sank.

I tried to not get all fussed, but asked a couple of questions about whether he was going to have them also for two weeks in a row so they preserved their long term schedule. He said he didn’t know. I asked him another question, and while he was patient with me, he laughed and said “Ann, you and I have now talked about my child schedule more than she and I have. I will figure something out. Don’t worry.”

It was hard to not worry. Living a distance away is one thing, but add to that opposite child schedules and how the heck am I supposed to see him enough to know if all the talking is worth it?

For all of you cynical bunnies, rest assured I was on alert for any indication this was him pulling away or that he’d lied about not dating others. I got no such vibes. We talked about some other possibilities of squeezing in a drive-by visit. But bottom line was, we had no plans.

Nothing worked out on Thursday or Friday. It was my birthday weekend and I was disappointed I wouldn’t see him. I made plans that Friday night for dinner with a girlfriend. Still getting over my jet lag, I had worked from home and didn’t have many calls. Bruce and I spoke three times that day.

The last time we spoke was right before I left for dinner. “Have a great time, Ann, I’m off to get the kids and may crash early tonight. I will call you in the morning.”

At home after dinner, I sent him a goodnight text. He didn’t respond, but given it was 10:30 at night I figured he was a sleep. Early Saturday morning came and went. It was odd to not hear from him, but given he had his children I figured perhaps he was busy. At 11 am I texted “good morning, you okay?”

Nothing.

Nothing on Saturday, nothing on Sunday. His Whatsapp “last active” time showed 6:20 pm Friday night. He hasn’t answered his phone.

What the fuck happened to Bruce?

(And yes, this is a cliffhanger, because this is exactly as it happened with me.)

18 thoughts on “Bruce is one big scheduling challenge.

  1. Sucks when they go radio silent, in my experience it often ends up being something legit but it does not stop your inner bitch from creating all kinds of shitty scenarios!!

  2. I know it’s disappointing but just keep your options open. It’s still early days and it’s possible he’s not thinking along those lines yet. I find the best thing to do is to match their communication level. It’s not game playing, but it keeps you from getting overinvested and the space you give yourself will help you become confident again. Don’t worry!

    • Thinking along what lines, Charlotte?
      I agree with you on matching the communication pace and that’s what I do. It was a nice surprise that Bruce checked in so regularly and wanted to talk (on the phone and by text) when I was away.

      • He’s been very consistent and his words and actions are aligned. We actually talked about intentions in our second week – that we both like each other and want to see where it goes, but neither of us are getting ahead of ourselves.

        • Speaking as someone who has gotten ahead of herself before and ruined a good thing, I just think it would be wise to lower your expectations. You guys aren’t a couple yet, and he shouldn’t feel obligated to contact you or feel he has to respond to you. I once had high expectations of a guy when I didn’t hear from him and he said “Charlotte, we’re just dating, you’re not my girlfriend.” Now this guy had no filter and was insensitive, but I understood what he meant. He was just getting to know me. Just offering my perspective. My advice is to step back a bit and see how things play out.

          • I do understand what you are saying. I used to get ahead of myself and after having broken up with many men in the last few years, I know generally how to pace myself and not ask for something I don’t want. I didn’t write much about Bruce’s and my conversations when I was away, but he and I were both clear that we liked each other, didn’t have enough time to focus on more than one person, and that we were interested in sussing out whether there was any potential with us. We have been remarkably in the same place with similar attitudes, and things have progressed nicely. We are equally keen. But not too fast, no declarations of anything, just a recognition that there is interest.
            And you’re quite right about obligations – I wasn’t mad because I thought he was obliged to contact me and didn’t, I was worried because he has been very communicative for over 5 weeks, so this was out of character. Neither of us has ever left the other hanging.

  3. Hmmm.. Maybe he and the kids went for a walk Saturday morning and his phone went for a swim in a pond? :O
    Or has this prince turned into a toad?
    I really hope not.
    Guess I’ll have to stay tuned like the rest of us here.
    Chin up Ann.
    XO

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