Don’t be a hooded Kermit.

Bruce and I have been in steady contact since our first date. He sends good morning and good night texts, and has checked in a few times throughout each day.

He left for a short vacation with his children and some friends, and had very limited cellular service. But he still tried to call me his first night there and because my phone was on silent I missed his call. He then discovered he had data at the cabin so messaged me on WhatsApp. 

One night mid text conversation he video called me. I was in bed with no makeup on and my dark “nerdy girl” glasses. I answered anyway. 

I liked that he seemed to be thinking of me throughout each day. He would sign off with “goodnight beautiful” or “sweet dreams sexy”. 

There was nothing wrong.

He wasn’t making crazy declarations of love or devotion like HWSNBN. He wasn’t overly expressive about our connection or me or anything that would give me reason to think he’s enamoured with having someone, versus enamoured with me. In love with love, as they say.

On our last date he asked me out for the night he came back.

So what is wrong?

Nothing.

But it’s been difficult for me to just be excited and happy about it. My brain, as much as I’m trying to shut it down, cycles through a number of doubts:

Bruce is a tall, athletic man. He can’t possibly be attracted to my curves so as soon as he sees me naked it’s going to be all over. – Yes, I think this. I’m pretty sure is because at some level I wonder if my physicality was what turned Jack off. He had always dated dark haired small women. So yeah, this thought is unusual for me but it’s there in the background. And yes I my pictures are in my profile and he’s seen me up close. The man isn’t blind, but still. 

If I’m his first, first date he surely just is enjoying the attention and he doesn’t really like me for me. He can’t possibly be that into me if I’m the first woman he’s met online. – This is not based on anything he has said or done (or not done), it’s simply a concern based on the situation. It’s too close to comfort to what happened with Jack (I was the first woman he met online). 

Maybe he’s actually a player and he’s lying about his situation. He just wants to fuck me and then he will be gone. – Again I have no actual reason to think this is the case. Just general doubt. I like that he calls me “sexy” and “beautiful” but as much as I appreciate a man who is cool with terms of endearment, I also question whether it’s too early for such things. So naturally then I wonder if I’m being played.

Something is going to go wrong that’s beyond my control. I’m going to like him and find out he’s hiding something or he’s going to be a player or stop texting or something. – Yeah. I know why I’m worried, it has nothing to do with him. I think I’m so hyper aware that trusting and allowing myself to be emotionally vulnerable means on occasion I’m going to get fucked over. It happened with Jack and it’s been a while since I’ve been hurt like that. 

I don’t want the doubts whispered in my hooded Kermit brain. I want to be regular Kermit. Because the doubts breed anxiety which trigger behavior which will be contrary to getting what I want. No, I don’t need to ask Bruce endless questions about his relationship with his ex or if he’s talking to others on POF or did he really not meet any other women in the last two years.

I’m going to do my damnest to enjoy our date and see how it goes and focus on whether I think he’s right for me. The more I try to protect myself from hurt, the more I protect myself from love. 

And I really want the right love in my life. 

20 thoughts on “Don’t be a hooded Kermit.

      • Good. Because the truth is, you don’t know how this will turn out, or what can happen. You can’t predict the future. As Caroline said, YOU might be the one who ends up finding something unappealing about HIM. Who knows? So there’s no point in going over every possible “what if?” scenario in your head, when it’s out of your hands anyway. Just try not to think about it, and take it all one step at a time.

        • I am definitely not going through all the “what if” scenarios… I haven’t decided yet whether I want to be with him – it’s way too early for that – but I also don’t want to assume the worst. Because then I will retreat and end up driving for answers I don’t need right now.

      • I have written so many such posts to exorcise my thoughts out of my brain that I do sympathise. I think it is a great thing you were able to put them to paper before seeing him again.
        XO

  1. Yes, just enjoy him and others. Don’t stop your life for someone you barely know like you did with Jack. No Exclusivity… in other words, you don’t (meaning either of you) know know someone well enough after a few visits to request such a thing. That’s what causes heartbreak, giving one’s self completely to someone and they are actually punking you. Start with finding a good male friend (yes with benefits) and then see where it goes. The thing is, most women can’t have sex with a man without falling in love with him., whereas men can have sex all day every day of the long without falling in love.

  2. I think you’re over-thinking way too much about things that haven’t even happened yet. Just try and think about something else, distract your mind and then enjoy the time when you’re with him.

  3. You obviously know you are overthinking this. Go out with him and if he is worthy of you things will work out. If not, there are a lot more fish in the sea.

  4. Ann I was just going to say that. Don’t punish him for the past experiences you’ve had. And please! don’t sell yourself short. I’ve got a belly and lumps and bumps I don’t like on my own body, but parts of me are perfect. Most men they say, don’t really pay attention to the flaws we see or perceive about ourselves while in the moment anyway. Enjoy him for who he is. I’d place bets that’s what he’s doing with you. And yes there really are men in existence that truly are dumb to womens advances. I find men like this endearing. In my belief, men that don’t see themselves as a handsome hunk tend to be the most real and down to earth types.

  5. Oh god, I do this all the time! I worry about the most ridiculous things and then my behavior changes, fulfilling the prophecy.

    It’s my inner Anxious attachment style and the only way for me to deal with it is to get distracted with something or someone else. *blush*

What do you think?