It started with a simple status update on FetLife, a site I haven’t been active on in eighteen months. I’d gone to reply to a message from a photographer who wanted to do a photo shoot with me and noticed I still referenced Tony in my profile.
I must have shown up on search results because within 24 hours I received several messages from men. One stood out:
“Loved your profile, I like women who enjoy being shared, double penetration, gangbangs. I don’t post much on my profile, I am somewhat old fashioned in this regard, I like approaching someone I consider interesting.
I am self employed in family business and relate to your executive daily routine but our hunger for something totally different after hours.
I am 6’6″ athletic and happy to share pictures via email or text. Love your love for stockings, I find classy but sexy style very elusive in women these days, it seems just more and more trashy and trashy.
I hope we can chat further.”
I replied, saying I appreciated his outreach, gave him my email used just for dating and said I’d welcome pictures.
Shortly after, a handsome face and big smile stared out at me from my phone screen. “Handsome”, I thought, “no reason to not reply!”.
Rule I broke #1: Engage without being able to suss out the basics. There was no information on his FetLife profile. He could have been married, looking only for hookups, have 8 children on his own, or not live in my city.
We exchanged a few emails and I gave him my burner app phone number so we could text.
I learned enough that I liked, so we continued. But schedules were not on our side so it wasn’t going to be possible to meet for almost two weeks.
I was smart enough to arrange a phone call with him. We spoke for well over an hour.
We spoke again, and again, and again. Over ten hours in total.
Rule I broke #2: don’t engage too much with someone prior to meeting them. I’ve found it too hard to get my hopes up about someone just to have them dashed in person, when there is no physical chemistry.
We arranged a weekend afternoon meeting. I had been telling myself it was likely something wouldn’t be right when we met face-to-face. But of course it was impossible to not wish for it.
Rule I broke #3: don’t meet someone for the first time at my house. But we did. He’d given me his name and birthday and I’d confirmed he was who he said he was. And I knew if he was a psycho killer he was in it for the long game, and he was sure to pass a first or even second date test before he killed me in a state of post-coital bliss.
When I opened my door my first thought was “wow he really is 6’6″” quickly followed by “phew he’s more handsome in real life.”
I proceeded to break a lot more rules that day.
(And I haven’t forgotten about the MFMFM… been too busy living my life to write about it).