Perhaps I spoke too soon.
Is it normal to have relationship hiccups so early? Misaligned behaviors or communication styles which cause friction? I’m hard-pressed to think of men it hasn’t happened with. Leo, perhaps… but only because he was a very responsive communicator and generous with his time and attention.
It’s the stage of dating that can really suck – when you know enough about someone that you know you want to spend more time with them, but you aren’t secure enough in how they feel about you, and how you are with each other, and you aren’t a priority in each other’s lives yet.
So many issues can arise at this stage – and the anxiety associated with these “hiccups” is pretty awful. How can I know the difference between a sign that someone isn’t into me, versus simply overwhelmed, nervous, feeling pressured, and the like?
Should I ignore the loss of his Friday-night erection, and being twice turned down for sex the following morning, after I woke Jack up with my mouth on his cock and he stopped me mid-ride to say he had to go pee, never to return to my depths?
Should I read nothing into a lack of communication the following night or morning, even though I too neglected to text, afraid of being ignored in addition to unwanted?
Should I tell myself it’s not the beginning of the end when he texted last night saying “I imagine by your lack of communication with me today that you’re upset with me”, and I replied I was out of sorts, partly due to him and partly due to the memorial service for my friend, and he replied he was in the same situation?
Should I forgive that he brought it up but couldn’t talk, and ignored my text messages that night and this morning?
Can I get convince myself it’s simply a matter of a lot going on (children going away for the summer, loss of erection, perhaps too much sharing of my inner thoughts, perhaps too much godddamned pressure), instead of a final realization that he’s just not into me?
I’ve been unsuccessful as yet.