Group sex relationship dynamics.

I find the dynamics of group sex fascinating, especially when some of the participants have ongoing “relationships”.

Lewis continues to be an excellent source of hot lovers. I’ve never really known men like him – he genuinely seems to have zero jealousy or possessiveness. Granted, while he and I have some level of affection for each other, it is 90% a sexual relationship.

But even then, in the same conditions – regular lovers over a two year period – I know few men who would willingly and continually share someone when that sharing is quite literally in their face.

But Lewis gets off on it. 

Regardless, in multiples situations I have always treated him as my primary lover and I expect the same in return. So when Todd and I met and forged a strong intellectual and emotional connection, we were careful to shield Lewis from it. He knows we have seen each other when I’ve travelled to New York, but he doesn’t know about the times Todd has stayed with me when he’s been in my city. He doesn’t know we have a steady whatsapp conversation.

Granted, Lewis may not care. But ever the diplomat, I’m careful to not hurt his feelings.

So Todd and I were both careful during the MFMFM to not demonstrate too much emotional connection or familiarity. But my discomfort with the evening meant I clearly made a bad call on a few fronts. Not establishing myself as primary with Lewis. Not talking to Todd in advance about how to navigate the night. And maybe, spending time solo with Charles early on wasn’t a good call either.

Todd slept over as planned and the next morning we talked about how the night went down. I told him how it felt to see him with Bobbie in my kitchen and how I wanted to have that kind of sex with him too. I also shared my dissatisfaction with not feeling like I got the same level of attention as she did. He said he understood and since he knew he was going to see more of me, he deliberately spent more time with her. We agreed it was a mistake on his part.

When I told him Charles and I talked about seeing each other again he admitted he felt a pang when he saw Charles’s business card on my fridge. I said “this from the married guy?” and we had a good laugh about it. I suppose Todd is fine with me fucking other men but he also cherishes the emotional connection we have. That’s harder to share or put at risk.

Charles and I haven’t seen each other or set a date. He is an entrepreneur with no set schedule so he’s difficult to pin down and he doesn’t plan in advance. I also get the sense that dating isn’t a priority for him. I’d love to see him again but recognize it could make our next group sex night even more complicated as I have to negotiate three relationships.

Not like I’m not busy enough as it is.

10 thoughts on “Group sex relationship dynamics.

  1. I must say that I’ve never had sex in front of The Dancer with someone I have a close relationship with. Not even a woman. I am not sure how he’d take it… even though he too gets pff on sharing me…
    Maybe something to discuss next time I see him 😉

    • Dear Ms Dawn D, I was a reader of your blog before it went private. The blog says request for a password and I have tried several times, but to no avail. Is there a possibility to get a password and to be a follower?
      Thank you in advance,
      ma

  2. This makes me miss my very open lover I used to have 3 somes and moresomes with and he had not a single ounce of jealousy in him. Of course now he’s married some Russian girl, and I no longer see him. Searching for another like him is no easy task.
    Enjoy what you have Ann (I’m sure you do) And good luck!

  3. Everything you wrote makes sense and shows your high emotional IQ. Now you know that next time needs a bit more pre-planning and communication, so nobody’s feathers get ruffled. Hey, it still beats an evening with your vibe!

  4. One thing that occurs to me… you were hosting. These people were all in your space, which is incredibly intimate. While an orgy is something quite different than a dinner party, I would imagine that in either case, as the hostess, I would be concerned about the experience each person has, I would be on the look out for how they respect my space, and I would invariably going be invested in how they interact with me. I would feel, on some level, responsible for their experience, and I would definitely be concerned about how long they stayed. These concerns may not be on the forefront of my consciousness, but they would be there, nevertheless. I wonder if I could be more detached if I was at someone else’s house, or at a venue?

What do you think?