[Part 3 of our date is coming, but I wasn’t in the right head space yesterday to write it – Jack and I have had a slight communication hiccup (I’m sure that’s all it is) – and I knew it would affect my accurate depiction of the rest of our night together. So here’s a post I’d scheduled originally for tomorrow.]
It’s the difference between “sure, this is okay” and “FUCK YES”. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. I did about Kyle, but his unresponsiveness killed it. He was a “fuck yes” for me, but I wasn’t for him. (And if you haven’t read the Mark Manson article on it, check it out here). Online dating sometimes serves up a great potential match.
When the intellectual and physical chemistry is truly there, all others fall away. And if they don’t, that person isn’t doing it for you.
I hid my POF profile on Sunday. I told the two men I was having conversations with that I was going offline because I’d met someone I wanted to focus on, but if I came back I would reach out. They both replied they appreciated the message and wished me luck.
The other date I had on the weekend – it was a first date – was cancelled. He is moving and apologetically said he couldn’t make it work. If he reaches out again I may go on that date, just to see what it’s like, but if it doesn’t happen I’m not too fussed. If Jack and I don’t work out, there’s no harm in reaching out again.
And that’s how it should be. With the other men this past year, I didn’t want to be exclusive, but I think that was mostly because I wasn’t sure about them. They weren’t a “fuck yes”. So why would I give up some great fuck buddies if I wasn’t sure?
I’m not saying I already know things will work out with Jack: that would be ludicrous. As I’ve said before, while I can assess intellectual and physical chemistry quickly, the emotional / behavioral takes longer. Sure there are early behavioral indicators that can be red flags, but when there aren’t any, they could always start flying later.
Jack has said in person and via text that he is only interested in dating me. It’s mostly what led me to hide my profile: I wanted to be respectful to him and also don’t see a need to continue to fill my pipeline of potential dates.
I’m also really busy, and figure if I have the time to text anyone, or go on a date, it should be with him.
He hasn’t hidden his profile, which I find interesting. He mentioned at dinner that since meeting me, he’s only gone online when someone messages him, which happens about once a day. He said most of the women were over 55, and he had no interest in an older woman.
I’m trying to not get too fussed about his keeping his profile open. It’s mostly irritation, given he’s the one that said he dates only one woman at a time, and he wants to date only me. Had he never said it, I wouldn’t have taken steps to shut down conversations with others. Sure I own my actions but I’m curious to hear why there’s a seeming discrepancy between his statement and his actions.
I do believe I’m the only woman he’s dating, but building a pipeline or keeping your leads warm is still kinda crappy.
So then I have to hold myself to the same standard. I haven’t heard from Lewis or Clark in a week. Lewis seems to have gone silent again which can sometimes last for a few weeks. I’m completely fine with it because I don’t need to face any moral decisions. I know that it’s not exclusive until you’ve talked about being exclusive, but I’ve never felt great about playing that game.
Jake (not Jack!) and I had a great night together a week ago, and I had to cancel on him on Friday due to a migraine. I know he will ask to see me again. I also know it will be no big deal if I tell him I need to pause for a bit until I see if I’m going anywhere with Jake. I worry a little bit more that in telling Lewis the same thing, I may lose him forever – but it’s a risk I will take if its right to do so.
Leo seems to have quieted down finally. He sent me a “happy hump day” meme last Wednesday and I said “thanks, same to you” but since then there’s been nothing.
So we shall see what happens. I know any day, at any time, something could kill the potential and I may not be a smitten kitten anymore. And that’s okay. I’m not getting ahead of myself nor am I assuming its going to fail. I’m just content to see where it goes, and if needed, to tell those in my stable that they won’t be getting groomed for a while.