It’s still good.

I haven’t had much to say that’s new this week. The death of my friend definitely had an impact – it’s hard to talk about the excitement of a relationship when I’m also in mourning.

But Jack and I are good. Really good. We learn more about each other with every conversation, and I like what I hear. He is appreciative of my patience with his schedule issues (but really, what kind of selfish asshole would make an issue of his regular hospital visits to a sick parent?) and with my desire to understand his quirks.

It’s not one-sided. He knows I like a couple of quick check-ins during the day (not mandatory but nice) and he’s doing it. 

He and I have talked about his preference for actions over words – which is noble, for sure – but his preference has translated into an almost complete absence of compliments and commentary on how he’s feeling about me and our relationship.

He told me he wasn’t always this way, but his two serious relationships were filled with empty words and he reacted accordingly. I asked if he could be a man of actions and words and he said “yes”.

I don’t worry whether he digs me. He’s making time and showing up and is interested in me and my life. I’m becoming more comfortable with knowing that his interest is about me, versus being a passable warm body who can fill any lonely nights.

He tells me he has deliberately tempered his enthusiasm about me / us. When I asked why he explained right now I am the calm in his life, and he’s enjoying it. He said he knew he wasn’t explaining it well, but promised once he’s through the stress of the move and his ill parent, he will be more effusive and available.

I like him enough to wait it out.

I’m still not getting ahead of myself, but in the last week, I feel like I’m past the stage where I’m looking constantly for red or yellow flags. I feel calmer.

He came over one night this week – a work night – and as I knew it was getting late I asked him if he was okay to come upstairs. He said, “you know, I’d be willing to stay overnight but you haven’t asked.”

Shit.

I don’t know why I hadn’t asked. Perhaps I expected him to suggest it? More likely, it’s been a very long time since I’ve had to ask. He worked out the timing of his morning and when he had to be at work, and then said: “yup, I can do it.”

I loved having him in my bed. It was late and thought perhaps we’d just have a nice cuddle, but we ended up having sex. It keeps getting better. I need him to work on his finger skills – they aren’t long but I’m sure he should be able to reach my g-spot. Any advice welcome.

We fell asleep close to each other. I slept better than the first overnight. We woke up before 6 am and had sex. We fell back asleep and at 7 am I wanted more (I don’t think he realizes that I always want more). I played with his hard cock until he rolled on top of me. A second round in the morning is going to be my new goal with him – he doesn’t tend to cum but stays hard, so it’s perfect for Ms. Insatiable.

It’s only been 5 weeks but feels like longer. I’m calm and comfortable when I with him and so far, always want more time with him than we have.

I haven’t yet been sexually frustrated nor do I yearn for those I’ve put on hold. Lewis and Clark don’t know that I’m off limits yet because they haven’t asked to see me.

But as sometimes happens in the world, others from my past have come out of the woodwork. I received texts from Alan and Leo. From the second Faraway Lover I’ve never written about. From another lover I last saw in maybe 2015, and then another one I only saw once. It’s funny how that happens.

None of them provide any temptation. I even saw Tony for a brief visit and there was only a hug. I wasn’t tempted and he didn’t try.

And as we all know, if I’m not into someone, it’s a very different story.

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