The conversations with Jack are starting to meld together. It’s the problem when living my life outpaces my ability to write about it. I’m going to try to get caught up with this post with our dating status.
We had the kind of fourth date made necessary by single parentdom: a late night visit. It was a three-act play similar to the third date: a drink on my couch with lots of conversation, moving to my bedroom for some good sex, and then talking far too late into the wee hours of the morning.
This time, instead of waiting for me to suggest it, he asked to take me upstairs. I liked it.
The sex was better. He went down on me and it was divine. We still don’t have the right angles all sorted for regular orgasms, but I have faith. He was more comfortably aggressive this time, and I liked that too. But he had some hydraulics issues, losing his erection a few times (but it would come back). I wasn’t too fussed in the moment but later did wonder what contributed to it.
We lay in my bed for a long time after sex, talking about anything and everything. He disclosed things about the breakdown of his marriage and last relationship. I told him about Tony. I learned he doesn’t like to hear stories about past sexual experience. While I get it at some level, inwardly I cringed since I’m pretty open about things, and of course I got to thinking about the blog.
In the days that followed, he texted me about the ED issues, saying:
I realized what happened the other night with my physical troubles. I’m so happy to have an intelligent conversation with you and be attracted to you that I wasn’t finished with the first part and I moved us to the second part. If that makes any sense.
Not sure I follow.
I get both with you. Intelligent conversation that I can relate to and share similar interests, as well I have a physical attraction to you. In my prior situation it was mostly physical so having both with you is an incredible bonus to me. But because I haven’t had a normal conversation with a “normal” woman in so long I really enjoy that part. Normal meaning someone who is logical, savvy about the world, and isn’t incredibly flighty. Huge turn on and makes things last.
Okay, I’m following you.
As in, I don’t just want to fuck you and leave. I want to be challenged have a real conversation about the world fuck you and not leave.
I held my phone in my hands with a huge smile. Perhaps not the most romantically phrased statement, but it spoke to my most inner relationship desire: find a man who wants to fuck me, make love to me, and talk to me forever.
I’ve seen him four times in total. We’ve spoken on the phone most days. He has his kids two weeknights a week, and every other weekend. Thank goodness our child-free weekends are aligned. He doesn’t seem to be attached to his phone when he has them (a positive) which means his texting is erratic sometimes (a negative).
But I remind myself he’s got a parent in the hospital and he’s moving, so things are likely more chaotic than usual. He tells me he’s usually very consistent, so I’m not worried about it.
When I told him it would be helpful for me if we could plan a few dates a week or two in advance, as I often book things with friends and family, he said “get out your calendar”. We booked two dates for next week and another one a couple of weeks out for a big sporting event.
On the weekend, we had a late night conversation each night. Meaning on Friday night, drunk after an evening with girlfriends, he called me and for two hours I (mostly) blathered on about things such as why he didn’t keep his eyes open more during sex and how vulnerable I felt being exclusive with him (things he took completely in stride, it would seem) and didn’t hang up until 2 am. Saturday night we spoke for another two hours. He mocked me gently for the night before. We didn’t hang up until 1 am.
He’s bad for my sleep.
My Mom asked me if there were any red flags. I can’t see any yet (tell me if I’m being blind!) but a few things are on my radar. The first is actually about his interactions with me during sex. He says he is all about his partner’s pleasure, yet often he’s not watching my face. Perhaps it’s nothing. I know I’m used to Lewis and Tony who get off on my pleasure, so they paid really close attention.
Jack seems different, which isn’t bad or wrong. But I can’t help but wonder whether it means anything.
But then I also wonder how he ended up in a second long-term relationship with someone seemingly incompatible (other than physically) and why it took so long for him to get out. I guess my fear is he’s not into me as much as he is the idea of me or a relationship…. perhaps he’s the kind of person to not want to be alone (although he was for a year after his split). So he closes his eyes during sex because it’s not about our connection. He’s complimentary via text but not in person because it is not about me.
Please understand, these are not things that are taking up a lot of my time. They are nagging thoughts that occasionally come up. They are my interpretation of things, which are most likely entirely wrong.
I know I will figure it out as I get to know him better. I can’t point to anything concrete that has me actually worried. It’s very early days, I’m taking each day as it comes, I’m enjoying the time we spend together, our discussions, the feeling of having someone be into me. Our next date is tomorrow night.
But I do need more sleep.