When time evaporates. 

Knowing he was likely in meetings all day, I didn’t bother trying to make plans with Kyle in advance. Despite a bad track record, we’d confirmed the previous day and we agreed to sort out the specifics the day of.

He knew I was going to see my personal trainer after work and I’d be free at 6pm. We’d agreed to meet in our neighbourhood (we live about 10 minutes apart) and to the time, so other than the place, there wasn’t much to confirm. Therefore I waited until I was leaving the gym to text, and we had the following exchange: 


Needing some time to get ready, I made the decision that 7:30 would be just fine, and went ahead and called the restaurant. I noted he’d replied quickly, and was pleasantly surprised to see his “on my way” text.

While getting ready I texted Hy, who reminded me of all the times he’d bailed and that if he did so again (or hurt me) she would stab him with a butter knife. I told her I’d pass the message on, and later, I did just that.

When I’d made my reservation I told the owner my date was really tall and could he make sure we had a table that would suit. “How Tall, Ann?” he asked, and when I told him he said “oi! that IS tall!”

I arrived a few minutes before Kyle and the owner greeted me and asked me who was joining me tonight. He said the moment he saw me he figured it was a date. I wore a sleeveless black linen dress with a v-neck, fitted at the top but with a full skirt. Classy and simple. Nothing too fancy or revealing, although underneath was black lace and stay-up stockings. No jewellery except a vintage pewter cuff. The highest stable heels I could manage, as the ankle still doesn’t like my 3″ pumps.

I told him yes, it was a date, and I was pretty excited about it. He smiled and laughed and called me Bella, and then said “oh he’s here” as Kyle walked in. Pretty easy to spot the guy who’s close to 7′ tall.

I’m sure if my Mother saw me at that moment she’d say I was glowing. Despite all of the “he will probably bail” self-talk, I was super excited. I have liked Kyle since our first date, actually since our first few moments together.

He greeted me with a kiss and I couldn’t help but say “I can’t believe you are actually here in front of me.” Cue the banter. We joked it might be time to reconsider my religious beliefs since miracles can occur. He told me he was supposed to fly out for work that night, since a client asked for a meeting the next morning. He said “I told them I couldn’t do it, that I had something tonight I couldn’t miss. I knew you’d kill me.” I concurred with his assessment and thanked him for rearranging his schedule.

The next couple of hours just evaporated. We talked a lot about work, how we are dealing with our responsibilities and the teams we lead. We traded funny work travel stories and talked about how tall our children are. He touched my arm on occasion and we leaned in to be close.

After dessert was served, he brought up a few of the mishaps we experienced in our communication. How during a time I wasn’t talking to him (his words) he noticed I liked a picture his cousin posted on Instagram (his cousin has a very cool photography based account). I explained to him why I stopped following him there:

“Kyle, I believe we all have discretionary time (to a greater or lesser extent), and we make choices to to spend it on things that matter. I couldn’t handle it when I was waiting for you to text me back and I’d see you were instead choosing to be active on social media. But it wasn’t because I didn’t want to follow you there.”

“Hmm, yeah, I get that Ann. There was that time I was sick and remember you got mad at me because I’d been active there.”

It took him a few minutes to remember the whole story, yet I knew exactly what happened the moment he brought it up. He’d agreed to come over one night and then went silent, and I was surfing IG and saw him active there, and hours later he told me he was sick and had been sleeping. Which sure, he may have been asleep on and off, but the way I figured it (and still do), if you have time to play on IG you have time to reply to someone’s text when they are waiting for you to show up.

I told him it was water under the bridge, because it is. I’m not going to ignore the past, but neither does it do any good to continually berate someone for it. I’m pretty sure I knew why he acted the way he did, and while that doesn’t make it right it does make a difference. My ability to discount bad behaviour because of good intentions is not a blessing, but at least I’m aware of it and try to keep it in check.

All too soon, he said “okay Ann I will walk you home; I have an early meeting tomorrow and need to get to bed.”

Damn, I thought, I was really hoping to make out with him and yeah, maybe have sex (!) with him. Quickly followed with an alternate thought – his waiting to have sex can’t be bad.

He walked me to my door and came inside. I had to pee and asked him to not order his Uber just yet because it had been since August since I’d kissed him. He laughed and said “don’t worry I won’t do anything while you’re in the bathroom.

When I came out he was on my couch. I sat down next to him and we talked about art. He asked about the amazing embroidered anatomical heart that Maurnas made for me. He remembered it wasn’t in that spot the last time he was there. I was impressed.

He asked if I was going to kiss him and I huffed saying two of us had the opportunity to do so. More banter, then he said “oh just come here” while he grabbed my arm and pulled me into him.

There was too much joking around for us to get too heated. Which in hindsight was fine since he was leaving. I asked him how we were going to see each other again with more frequency. He said “Ann honestly I don’t know, but I do want to spend more time with you.”

He told me while he joked about being afraid of being killed had he had to leave that night, he said it was more about actually wanting to see me. He said he was trying to be more responsive and hoped I’d noted that (I had). He reiterated one of his challenges is he doesn’t know his schedule much in advance, and it changes.

I told him I understood his travel and schedule challenges, however my issue was when he went silent or didn’t reply to my texts.

He explained: “Ann I think the thing for me was I didn’t want to keep disappointing you. I’d know I’d say I’d see you on a certain week and then it would be Friday and I wouldn’t be able to and I knew you’d be upset. And to be clear I know that’s not the way I should have handled things, but that’s what I’d be thinking.”

Which was pretty close to what I’d figured. His defensiveness when I’d scold him via text told me he knew he was in the wrong. Anyway, who likes to be criticized and scolded?

He said he would try. That once he knew his schedule for the next couple of weeks he’d reach out.

I said “Kyle, I don’t want to text every day all day. I don’t want to be with someone who wants all of my time. I need my own time and time for friends and the kid. I just want the opportunity to date you; to see if we have the potential I think we have. I was so excited to see you tonight, and I haven’t felt that way about someone in a really long time.”

He said he was equally excited to see me and knows that’s what I want. He said he wants the same thing and agrees we have that potential. He reiterated he wanted to spend more time with me.

He kissed me goodnight, and Kyle and his good intentions went off into the warm Spring night.

13 thoughts on “When time evaporates. 

  1. I’d be ambivalent about his good intentions. If there’s a will, there’s a way. It seems like he is making too many excuses. Actions speak louder than good-intended words. I do hope he calls our bluff and is surprisingly calling and seeing you again soon. Good luck!

    • I’m not at all ambivalent about his intentions. His ability to figure it out? Totally not sold on that, for obvious reasons – I don’t think I’m fooling myself at all on that front. He travels every week, frequently internationally, and has his son on weekends. He hasn’t seen his best friend in a year (and I know that’s true because I know him), which while it doesn’t give him an excuse to not text me back, it’s also not like he’s seeing lots of people at home and just not seeing me. There’s no excuse for going silent, but I sense you think other stuff is BS too?

What do you think?