I think it’s been a year since I’ve been on an online dating site. I don’t count AFF because that was about something else.
But this weekend I decided I needed a distraction from Kyle. I also figured it wouldn’t hurt me to dip my toe in the water and see how it felt. I got tired of it quickly last time – surviving a couple of days on OKCupid and a few weeks on Bumble.
So I unhid my profile on Plenty of Fish. A site I’ve avoided for a while, but it’s where I met Shenanigans (still there!), Fox (not there; still dating the woman he met right after me), and Tony (better not be there!).
I almost shut it back down within hours. It’s a horrible site from a user experience perspective. You can’t bookmark anyone without them seeing, can’t block anyone unless they’ve sent you a message (clearly the site is run by people who don’t online date themselves – I can’t block a real life abuser), the search function sucks, and the site is hard to navigate and not intuitive.
But there are tons of people there.
I wrote a very clear profile about who I am and what I’m looking for. I even have a quick tip on opening messages (don’t stress, prove you’ve read my profile by mentioning something you like about it, and ask me a question).
Just gotta say – ugh.
I think my profile has so far weeded out the most douchy of the guys on the site. I’ve had a bunch of opening messages, I’m sure because I’m a “new” fish, and a few have been promising.
But the fun highlights have been:
- The guy who drives a Maserati but couldn’t complete his (short) profile without spelling mistakes and who only said “hey beautiful lady” despite my asking in my profile for guys to please not bother if they were only going to comment on my looks.
- The guy who told me I was condescending and to have “good luck with that” when I told him he hadn’t read my profile after he professed he’d done so but still asked me if I’d been married.
- The one who, when I asked what qualities were important to him in someone he was dating, said “smart, funny, CLEAN”. And when I asked what he meant he explained he wanted a woman to have a clean house, clothes, and body. I wasn’t aware it was a real issue and want someone who sets their standards a wee bit higher.
- The confident man who included “handsome” in his handle and had a great opening line (he said I had depth unlike the other beautiful women on the site) but who was 100% not my physical type. As in, couldn’t even go there.
- The one who clearly thought it was a good idea to use crazy face-altering snapchat filters as every single one of his close-up profile pictures.
- The best profile I’ve ever read which includes the line “I’m not Classy and not Smart”. Just perfect for me.
It’s sure to be a great ride this time around.
Image from the 1960 movie “Never on Sunday”