I haven’t missed the bullshit of dating.
I briefly reinstalled Bumble after breaking up with Leo after our vacation, less because I was serious about trying to find someone new than simply to see how it felt to put myself back out there.
It was boring. Men who can’t find anything to ask other than “hey what’s up” and “how was your day”, men who swipe right and reply once, just to ignore you afterwards, men who are not interesting at all. Men you like who don’t like you back.
I was somewhat relieved to find wasn’t bouncing right back into it. Nothing came of that brief sojourn other than one phone number of a man who said it was rare to find someone who was “down to earth, intelligent, and beautiful”. On that note, maybe I should text that dude.
It’s been a long time since I was intently online dating. A year ago it was a minimal effort, and still the experiences didn’t go all that well. Men who would be forgotten if not for their stories being documented here. The one who left a date early to go fuck someone else (and tried to tell me it was a drug deal), the one who got all weird after getting a text from his ex girlfriend, the one (Kyle) who professed his interest but who was a horrible texter (and who I still can’t get out of my head).
But the time I’m willing to spend online dating, and my overall patience with it, has changed dramatically in the last couple of years. It’s just as well, because I find I have almost zero tolerance for bullshit.
Remember Gary, who was apparently “bullshit-free”?
I should have known better. I should have listened to my gut and not let him come over that night. I sent him a thank you text the next morning and got only a “good morning” in response. I asked him about a sports event I knew he’d be watching and I got a short reply, then nothing.
I am somewhat peeved with myself for even momentarily believing there was the potential of an ongoing fuck buddy situation. I know better than that. Who knows if or when I will hear from him again.
Another man I met WAY back when, for one coffee date, resurfaced during my brief Bumble stint. I swiped right and was surprised we matched. I remembered there was another time it happened – maybe last summer – and we never met due to a ridiculous argument over what we were looking for.
He told me he wanted to have a casual partner, but expected it to be exclusive. I thought it was relatively demanding and not surprisingly, we didn’t end up meeting.
But here he was again, swiping right. We moved quickly to text and had what I considered to be a pretty normal exchange about finding a date to meet. I know I’m somewhat difficult to meet given I have Liam every other week, especially if I’m traveling for work, but I always find a way to make it happen.
There were some dates I offered up that he couldn’t make because he was shooting. He’s an actor. A hot black actor. One day we had a date set and he had to bail since he was called for a shoot unexpectedly. Then another date was lined up, but he cancelled at the last minute, saying only “Sorry Ann, I need to reschedule.”
I heard nothing back for weeks, and decided to see what the hell happened. So I texted “hey, what happened to you?” he replied with “nothing, what happened to you?”.
I explained I thought I’d hear back from him since it had been weeks after he cancelled after the last minute. His response? “Yeah well it’s hard trying to date someone with a small child.”
What the ever loving fuck?
And that’s when I realized the cynical bitch in me remains just under the surface. The next few texts between us were such utter bullshit I decided to just block him, something I rarely do.
Won’t swipe right the next time I see him, that’s for sure.
And shit, I just went back and read the post I linked to above. Next time before I swipe right on someone I’ve gone on a date with before, I’m going to read what I wrote about them. The time I spent texting him this time around is time I will never get back. Blech.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to go back to the volume of dating I did when I first became single. Which isn’t a bad thing. I also know my desire to trust and see the positive in everyone gets me into trouble, but I don’t want to be even more cynical.
For what its worth, it makes me appreciate the good ones, like Leo, even more.