Tony and I have had two short conversations about his again-wife finding out about us (side note: yes, she’s his wife, again. I’m honestly afraid if I just call her his “wife” I’m going to get trolled like crazy, and the truth is they were separated when I met him).
In the first discussion, he told me she’d found out about Jamaica. I was confused because it seemed an odd “discovery” at this time, 14 months ago after we went. I asked how it was possible that us seeing each other after the sports game could possibly have led to that.
He was vague. He said “Ann, I don’t want to relive it again right now. There was a lot of screaming and crying.”
He told me he wasn’t allowed in the house and was back at his apartment. He said he told her we broke up after their trip to the Caribbean last Spring. You may recall that trip – it’s the one he lied to ME about going on. Ah, the irony. It was that trip where they decided he would move back in.
It occurred to me after the fact that his lie was convenient – of course the narrative is in his favor when he tells her it was after that agreement we broke up. Makes it sound like it was his decision and their reconciliation was the driver. When in fact, I broke up with him months prior when I learned he was even more of a lying sack of shit than I’d believed (I’m paraphrasing, of course).
And I’m certain he wouldn’t volunteer he’s been in my bed far more recently than last Spring.
He asked me to call him the next day. He sounded terrible (when I told my Mom this, she said “good, he should!”), and said again he did’t want to talk about it. He said he did take his son to school that morning but isn’t allowed back in the house and she isn’t talking to him.
I tried again to get some clarity about what happened. He said:
“Ann, you know I don’t have many friends or acquaintances. It’s a small circle I roll with, and she knows every one of them. When you started liking my Instagram photos she was screaming at me about who you were.”
Here’s the thing. He had an account but it wasn’t active until after we broke up. He started posting pics again during a big job he was doing around the world. At the time, we weren’t in contact other than the occasional text and email. I point blank asked him whether it was okay that we interacted on his Instagram account and he said it was. Okay, then.
He said “How could I explain I was seeing someone new when I don’t talk to anyone new?”
I asked again how she found out about Jamaica and he said she didn’t tell him. He said “I think she got old information, maybe saw some old texts.”
He’s been deleting our texts for quite a while. But if I could figure out his phone password ages ago, I’m sure she had as well.
He said “It’s not your fault, or mine”.
Yeah, he actually said that. I chose to hold my tongue.
I asked whether she’d asked him to not contact me again (because come on, of COURSE she will) and he said “yeah, it was mentioned, but Ann she was screaming, saying lots of things.”
I asked whether he knew what was happening. “I don’t know, Ann, it’s serious, it’s really bad. I don’t know where I stand. She won’t talk to me right now.”
He asked me to please not contact him at all, that he would reach out. He said he would call me the next night but I’m not expecting to hear from him.
Yes, I’m turning it all over in my head, and yes, I know none of it ultimately matters to me. But I wonder what she found out, and how. I wonder whether they will reconcile (my guess is yes). I suspect she’s known something for quite a while, and perhaps decided to let it go, thinking it was truly over.
I wonder if he’d told the truth about dating me way back, some of the hurt could have been avoided.
I’m coming to terms with the fact it’s between them and I may never find out. But I will speculate, and you’re welcome to as well.