The day after his visit, he sent me a series of texts about wanting to go on a trip with me. It was a long list of random places he wanted to go. He said he wanted to travel with me. He thought I would have a good sense of where to go, how to get there or find out, that I wasn’t scared to see and try things.
Next day late afternoon he wished me a happy New Year’s Eve. I replied in kind. The next day he sent nothing but a picture of a wine bottle that happened to bear his family’s name. I replied, “fun”.
A few hours later he sent a very strange and rambling email asking whether the heads of my company had pointy heads, because that’s the sign of the Illuminati. He went on to explain that they are the descendants of an alien race which has populated the planet.
He was drunk, then telling me how many drinks he had, but unfortunately I couldn’t chalk it all up to alcohol.
I didn’t bother replying.
The next day we had the following exchange:
Him: “Dr app. Today or tomorrow”
Him: “You ever been to a korean bbq restaurant?”
Him: “Everything alright? You having any meetings today?”
Me: “I’m fine; but tired.”
And that was it.
And when I say “that was it”, I mean, I didn’t hear from him for days. No follow-up asking me how my appointment went. Even Tony called to inquire (I didn’t take his call because I was with Leo, but we spoke the following day). He didn’t call and he didn’t text.
For. Five. Days.
And yes, of course had I really wanted to talk to him I would have reached out. I’m not above a double text. I just didn’t get up the energy to call him to tell him we were done. Yet I didn’t feel right about sending him a text. I drafted a few versions, none of which I sent.
This morning he texted “Good morning Ann, how did app with dr go? Jan 11 I am going to my union hall would you like me to come over for the night?”
At that moment, I decided since he’d waited five days to ask, I wasn’t going to worry too much about whether a text breakup was appropriate. I couldn’t be bothered.
For the first time ever, I broke up with a guy by text. Sure, I’d sent “thanks for the date last night it was nice to meet you but I don’t think we are compatible” type texts. But Alan had been around for a few months and we’d seen each other probably ten times.
A few hours later, I replied: “My appointment was five days ago, Alan. It went well I suppose, but I have a long haul ahead of me. Several more weeks of a new cast and can’t put weight on it. I’m surprised I haven’t heard from you in days, again. I’ve been thinking a lot – nothing else to do – and I don’t think it’s going to work between us. You’re a kind man, a good combination of nice and naughty. But I just don’t see a long term future for us.”
I thought it was nice, for a breakup text.
His reply, two-and-a-half hours later? “I was seeing if you would even text me and you didn’t. Good luck to you and your son. Bye.”
Well, well, well. I replied “Sure, Alan” and nothing else. Two years ago I would have been hell-bent on getting him to admit it was bullshit. But I realized it didn’t matter. There’s no way he wasn’t hurt; you won’t convince me his text today was the text of someone uninterested. I didn’t expect graciousness and I didn’t get it.
And it’s perfectly fine.
I realized when titling this post that I have had breakups over text before: Fox comes to mind. He lost his shit after finding my blog and broke up with me via text. Volumes and volumes of spite-filled texts. But outside of those kinds of crises, this is the first time I’ve been dating someone for a few months and told them via text I didn’t want to see them anymore.