No, Leo, I’m not your girlfriend.

To read about my first and second dates with Leo the technician, follow this link.

We had our third date this past weekend. He arrived early – traffic wasn’t as bad as he’d thought – and I opened my door to him in a bathrobe, wet hair, and a towel. He was all over me and I before too long I was naked on my bed, moaning as he worked his magic.

One reason I like bigger guys is I feel small. I love the feeling of being enveloped by a man. Preferably one with a fuzzy chest and strong arms. Between orgasms, I coiled my fingers in Leo’s grey chest hair and enjoyed the stillness with someone who was all kinds of available to me. I was calm and comfortable.

Half groaning and laughing, he told me I felt amazing in his arms. He couldn’t keep his hands off of me. He said “Ann, you are sexy as FUCK. I don’t know whether to kiss you, hug you, or bite you.”

“Yes to all, please,” I replied.

He told me he didn’t plan on having sex with me, that he’d sincerely just planned on lunch. “I hope you don’t think I want you just for sex,” he said. I reassured him I was quite confident it wasn’t the case.

We didn’t have sex.

Well, for the sticklers out there… we didn’t have PIV sex.

We later went for lunch (he paid, again) and enjoyed a walk in the warm Autumn day. We had been talking a bit about dating, him again reiterating how much he liked that I didn’t want to monopolize his time. We talked about women who wanted primarily to be “taken care of”, and how not only was it not my shtick, but I had trouble accepting help and being vulnerable.

I see it as a sign of weakness. I know it’s not, but I want to be independent and strong and not need a man to fix my toilets (I did that myself, thanks) or pay for my jewelry. The right man will understand that my strong outer shell hides vulnerability. He will understand that once I trust him, I will let him help me. Maybe. He will know that while I lead in many places, I want him to take control in the bedroom.

He started to laugh spontaneously. He grabbed my hand and kissed me on the street. I asked him what was funny, and he said “I just think you’re awesome. You’re totally doing your own thing.”

I was confused and asked for clarity. He stumbled with his words, telling me not everyone was as articulate as I was.

As we turned the corner to my street, he said “I’m just wondering what we are; where I stand with you. I’m not on AFF anymore. I’m not dating anyone else right now. I mean, I know you’re not my girlfriend, but are we dating exclusively? What do you want?”

Again with him, my internal dialogue did not match my external one.

I told him (gently) since we were only on our third date, we weren’t dating exclusively. I told him I wasn’t on any dating sites, taking new applicants per se, but that didn’t equate to exclusivity. As we went back to my place, I asked whether he wanted me to tell him exactly what I had going on.

I think he realized he’d asked a dopey question – he wasn’t a HWSNBN kind of guy. He wasn’t declaring his love for me. But after telling me how awesome he thought it was that I didn’t demand too much of him, it seemed odd he was then demanding clarity from me on a third date.

He said “I shouldn’t have asked you that; yeah I realize we are only on our third date. But I think you’re amazing, I really enjoy the time we’ve spent together, and I want to keep dating you.”

I told him I had enjoyed the time with him as well. I explained I wasn’t the type to keep dating someone after I’d established they weren’t right for me. So if I kept texting him and seeing him, he could rest assured my intentions were good. I also told him I was dating a couple other men that I had met around the same time as him, and there were also a couple of other men who had been in my life casually for a while and I saw infrequently.

He seemed placated, and not at all fussed by my answer. “I’m a big boy, Ann, I’m good” he said.

I was relieved.

We don’t have the next date in calendars but I’m confident there will be another one.


All pictures from the Leo posts are from the 1962 film “Phaedra”

19 thoughts on “No, Leo, I’m not your girlfriend.

  1. This internal/external dialogue should,perhaps, harmonize at a certain point.Because this guy finds you amazing and is innocent( or confident) enough to come forward with his enthusiasm .He admires as much of your personality he can sense by your third date.He is in a process of gradual seduction by your charm, in and out of the bed.Enjoy the ride,both of you!…

    • Yes Jules – I completely agree that with the right guy, I should be able to be exactly who I am. That’s my goal. However I’ve also learned that sometimes I need to be careful in the early stages of dating. There’s also no point in being too explicit about dating other people. I won’t lie but I also know there are some things that don’t have to be said.

  2. I mean you certainly need not to be explicit about your other dates at such an early stage.Nevertheless, you will have, gradually and to the extend you like him ,to allow him an inner view to your personality, emotional needs ,sexual expectations etc.
    I guess all the above, can be summarized in “proceeding with caution”.You are exploring each other,caution is needed,I think…

What do you think?