It physically hurts.

Most days it’s fine. 

Work is intellectually demanding and I’m in a room with others almost constantly. I’m colleague wrangling. Thankfully, my brain is busy during the day.

I try to focus on the kid when I’m with him. That helps many nights.

I am able to be present with friends, and when I’m on a date.

But then, when I’m alone, or on my way to work, or just because – the emotional equivalent of a lightning bolt strikes. I know it’s not physical pain but I feel it. My chest constricts, it’s hard to breathe, I can’t think of anything else. 

Fuck, I miss him.

13 thoughts on “It physically hurts.

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I hope as time goes by you’ll have more fond memories instead of sad ones. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to heal! <3

  2. My words can not offer advice just the knowledge that I’m thinking about you and continue to be wholeheartedly on team ASV.

  3. If its any consolation, the fact that it hurts this badly means that you are doing the real work of grieving which will move you to freedom. Feeble consolation, I know.

    Do not underestimate the power of giving yourself a hug, and I mean that literally. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze . Or, find one of your boy’s bigger stuffed animals and do the same. Or, better yet, just hug your boy all the time. Feel the power of mutually reciprocated love flow back and forth, unabaited.

  4. I’m so sorry that you are feeling this loss. I was going to write a “but” statement, however, that’s not helpful. My suggestion is to be kind to yourself. Of course you hurt. As Dan Savage suggests after a break-up, eat ice cream, go to the gym, see friends and give yourself space to heal. Hugs, many hugs.

  5. I could say all the clichés of you can do better, this will pass, blah blah blah blah blah, but it won’t help. I’m truly sorry the feelings you are feeling. I hope at you are left with more beauty than ugly and it no longer hurts in time.

  6. I hope he is unaware of how much pain he has caused to you.Because if he knows and has done not enough to prevent it,then he is a real ass…
    Anyway, you will get over it and you will be much stronger..

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