Some of you recommended a scorched earth policy or an immediate “block and delete” response. But that’s not my style – that’s an exceptional action reserved only for dudes who harass me. Like the weird dude who sent texts like “are you ready to meet yet I’d like to chew on your clit”. Ewww. Or the guy who said “watch your fucking mouth cunt you’ll be sorry”. He’s the one who has been exorcised from this blog.
I haven’t seen Tony since I wrote my last post. He’s asked a few times, and each time I’ve said “no”. Each time he’s said “oh it would be so awesome to see you” or “I really missed seeing you on the weekend” I haven’t replied in kind.
But let me back up a bit.
After the weekend where I blocked him just so I wouldn’t wonder when if or when he would reach out, I unblocked him late that Monday.
Nothing from him. Tuesday late afternoon I sent him a blank text. Just a little blue bubble. It was an accident but not a big deal. He replied right away “hey…tried to call you.”
I made a snarky comment about no longer being blocked. Let’s just say the ensuing text conversation just made me mad:
Him: Babe you were blocked for like 45 minutes when I had to go to emergency with the kid. Probably would have been a bad time for a call. Sorry if you called or messaged and I missed it but it was quite the weeknd. And not going much better now.
I made reference to the post on Instagram which had spurred me into commenting via text, just to find out I was already blocked. And let’s just say there’s no way he would have posted it from the hospital.
I reminded him I have asked countless times to just tell me when he can’t communicate, instead of blocking me. In the time it takes to block he could have sent a quick text. I told him it just sets me up to get hurt again. He said:
I’m sorry. I didn’t have plans – was offered a chance to go out to do stuff with the kid and I did – I don’t want to apologize for that.
I call bullshit. If it was true he could have texted, period.
I tried to call you but couldn’t reach you – tough to call from the kids bed.
Again, bullshit. He didn’t call that day.
I had also mentioned his use of “my living room” in an Instagram post to describe their house – not his apartment. In the vein of “of course it’s your living room…stop lying to me and I in turn will stop fooling myself.” He replied:
It’s tougher to explain – my separated wife’s living room or my old houses living room in an Instagram post. I got yelled at by her because I call it my old house. I can’t keep either of you happy and I’m not having any fun trying. Just don’t want to argue anymore.
And that my friends was when I went from frustrated to – right. Baloney. I’m a huge believer in owning one’s own shit and for Tony to frame things in that way is just… no.
So I said:
“You called me yesterday at 1pm and I was in no mental place to talk to you. I’ve had more than enough pain.
She is the one to keep happy Tony. She’s the mother of your child and you are moving back and have made her your primary relationship. You have called her your wife and called it your house with me since the very beginning.
I don’t want to have this discussion via text.”
And we concluded our text exchange conversation shortly afterwards.
Wednesday mid-morning he called. I didn’t answer, but then realized I would need to talk to him eventually. I called him back. I said a lot of what I needed to say. It was essentially what I’ve written in my last few posts – my ultimate frustration with his inability to make a decision for almost two years now, being tired of the lies, and not wanting to be part of what now amounts to an affair, etcetera.
He took it all in and agreed with what I said. I said I had been debating whether to follow through with the overnight we had planned. He said “well it’s over, right? Don’t you want to go out with a bang?”
We share the dark sense of humour.
I decided to go through with it.
Since then we’ve had minimal text conversations. As I said at the beginning of his post, I have said no to his multiple requests to see me since then. It has helped immensely.
I know our overnight won’t make things easier, I know it will just make all the good stuff front and center, I know it has just delayed the goodbye. There’s nothing really I need to experience before I can say goodbye – it’s simply something I want to do with him.
But I’m steadfast in what I know needs to happen afterwards.
Wish me luck. My tickle trunk is packed.