The beauty of an honest f*ck buddy.

If you don’t know the history of Jake, you may want to read his back story (and as a sidebar, if any of you know how to get the results of a Tag search to come up oldest to newest, please let me know!).

He and I are both seeking similar things – an exclusive, very sexual, intellectual relationship. One where perhaps the occasional additional pleasure will be sought out with others, but always together.

While relationship may be too strong a word to describe what Jake and I have, it’s one of the most honest and open I’ve ever had.

He’s never tried to hide from me that he’s dating others, nor has he been too open with information I don’t want. He’s told me the nature of his interactions without being specific. For example, when we were both on POF, he said he was sometimes on there late on night when he was bored (honest!) or when he gets a message. He knows I could see when he was online or last online, so instead of leaving me wondering he told me head on.

He went on to say he isn’t interested in most of the women who reach out to him. He told me the few times he’s gone on dates, but usually in passing and always because there is some interesting tidbit – like a woman he went on one date with a while ago reached out to him again and told him she dated someone for 6 months who robbed her of almost $40,000.

One week he asked me whether I’d been naughty lately. I asked him to clarify what he meant and whether he was actually asking to hear about my experiences with other men. He said he was.

He went on to tell me he knows how much I like fucking him from the look on my face, and he also knows there are things he can’t provide me (a big black cock, for example) and so he doesn’t mind, and the thought turns him on.

So I told him a little bit about my time with Lewis and Clark, who I had both fucked that week. But I wasn’t too explicit, nor did I choose to tell him the sex with Clark was the best I’ve had in a very long time. None of them, including Clark, need to know that.

Jake and I had a bona fide date a couple of weeks ago. Instead of an evening rendezvous at my place, we went out for dinner. I’ve always enjoyed talking to him; he can talk about anything and everything, and he’s smart.

He made some side comment about wondering why I was interested in him – and it wasn’t self-deprecating as much as it was a statement of our differences. He’s always been sensitive to me being a white-collar executive living in an expensive neighbourhood, to his blue-collar world. He struggles with money and I don’t. I am very careful about this, but no matter what I say or don’t say, the differences are there.

I told him I was interested in him because he was smart, and interesting, and I liked hanging out with him, and he accepted me for who I was. I asked him what he liked about me. It was the usual blah blah… But what impressed me was he also said while he wasn’t sure we had long term potential, he liked hanging out with me.

In other words, he and I are in exactly the same place. We know there is just far too much difference in our day to day lives to really integrate. And that’s okay. We enjoy each other’s company, and we see each other one every other week, sometimes more.

And the best part for me? We both know exactly where each other stands. What a breath of fresh air.

22 thoughts on “The beauty of an honest f*ck buddy.

  1. Ann,
    you are the only one who has a first-hand experience of him.So, if you say that in your every-day lives there is too much difference, forbidding a fullest relationship,no one is to contradict.
    Yet,being a man, I can tell that dudes are capable of some unimaginable transformations of themselves,if they sense that an amazing woman will commit.It has happened to me (YEARS ago!),I also saw it on a number of other cases.
    In Jake`s case, I think your white-collar status/success is the unspoken ,underlying reef.He ,perhaps, cannot see himself swimming beyond it, to the ocean.Unless the mermaid would be willing to entice him and she would stand by him in the deep, un-chartered waters…
    He is a very good lover,smart,accepts(=respects) you as you are.From what you have written about him,my guess is he likes you so much that he has in all occasions swept his masculine pride aside (for two years!), in order just to hang out with you.That is, in order to get from you as much as you have allowed him to get.He will, most probably, fall in love with you, IF you want him to! Do you, young lady?

    • Oh Jules, I can’t see him falling in love with me. We haven’t really set ourselves up to have the frequency and kind of intimacy which would allow for that. I also don’t think it’s a matter of him transforming to meet my needs…he’s good with his lifestyle (not withstanding wanting to have more money) but I absolutely hear you about his being willing to put aside some pride. It’s the thing he’s said has kept him from being really comfortable with me. And I’ve shown him from my actions it doesn’t matter to me at all.

      It’s been nice to spend time with him; not sure how long it will last but for now, it’s good.

  2. I really like what Jake said.
    I also wonder: does it always have to be scripted? Do we always have to know where we’re going? Can’t there be a little bit of adventure on the way?
    Why decide now that there is no potential? Why need more than the fact you both accept each other for who you are, fully, and enjoy the moments you have together.
    I guess that’s my European approach to dating and love, opposed to the North American way 🙂

    Anyways: I wish you all the best Ann, as always. Enjoy what you get as much as you can, and keep being who you are, for you are a beautiful woman.
    XO

    • I’m not sure that I have a North American approach to dating necessarily. And there’s no need at all to predict anything, but I’m saying I know from what we have shared and what I know about his life, that’s it’s not a life I want to fully integrate with. He and I are both keenly aware of the differences and that it’s highly unlikely either of us want to bridge that gap. It’s simply a fact.

      But we are absolutely just enjoying hanging out together even knowing there is ultimately no big romance or long term future. And that’s perfectly fine.

  3. I like the sound of this guy. Maybe you’re not going to be with each other for ever but it seems to work at the moment. Run with it and I hope you get to do the odd nice thing together out of the bedroom. Xx.

    • He’s a stand-up guy, no question. I don’t think there’s much we will do together outside the bedroom other than some sporting events. I will always ask him if he wants to do other things (theatre, galleries) but not sure it’s his thing. Will be interesting to see if he says yes anyway 🙂

What do you think?