I’m broken.

I sprained my ankle last weekend. Unfortunately there’s no dramatic story to account for the injury; unless you consider speed + not paying attention + 3″ heels dramatic.

I’ve been limping since and only today am I able to walk normally, albeit still with pain.

I scraped both knees and the top of my foot, and there is a spot on my knee where any pressure results in a stabbing sharp pain. Let’s just say the one time I got on my knees for a man, pain got in the way of my pleasure.

I burnt myself in two places during a marathon cooking session this weekend.

I am premenstrual.

Work has been a massive cluster fuck. And not the good kind. I like to solve problems, which is good because it’s my job to do so, but sometimes it wears thin.

I had another fight with my ex husband Will at the beginning of the week. Just as we seemed to be able to at least get a denouement on the first topic, he told me I obviously considered our son to be an inconvenience, and he thought it sad he wasn’t a priority in my life.

This from a man who left the country for work once and was willing to do it again. He had the gall the next morning to ask me via text why I was angry with him.

That stress sticks with me as much as I try to move past it. Headaches came as a result.

I have no hot water. My boiler was acting up. Then it decided to leak large volumes of water. So we had no water, period. I got that addressed at the end of the week but I still have no hot water.

My favorite sports team is not doing well.

Tony did some shit that’s nothing new but still pissed me off – mostly because it just made me sad. I’m continuing to pull back.

I had a great weekend with the kid and it helped reset my state of mind. I kept my phone away and we had fun with friends and I signed off my weekend with wine and cheese with a friend struggling with deciding whether to separate from her husband of many years.

It’s the start of a new week and can only get better. I still don’t have hot water but at least I’m going to the gym today and can shower there.

I have a few pre-clearance dates this week; short meetings for a drink to gauge whether there is chemistry. One I cancelled because he was already too mushy and lovey-dovey – having not met or even spoken on the phone I took this as a yellow flag. I wasn’t feeling it and didn’t want to waste my time. I feel rather blasΓ© about them all; I honestly don’t care if they cancel.

Perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised and perhaps I will close down my profile again by the end of this week.

Either way, I’m not sure I care, and I don’t even know whether to be happy or sad about that.

30 thoughts on “I’m broken.

  1. Well damn! You need another vacation! I hope you’ll feel better real soon and everything else will fall into place as well.

    • I do feel like a vacation would be warranted lol. Thank goodness for my kid; he was the one great thing about this week and I’m glad I was able to immerse myself with him this past weekend.

    • Me as well. The ex has been okay but it’s a stalemate more than true getting along. Tony is just Tony and the shit we are going through is “simply” the process of the long goodbye and my increasing intolerance of being on the sidelines. Work will be work…I can usually handle it, but when there’s lots of other stuff then it just piles on. Once I can take a goddamn hot shower maybe things will look up. Not quite yet.

  2. Sending love Ann. Healing thoughts too. Having suffered a bad sprain only 18 months ago (has it only been 18 months? No, 2.5 years!), injuring both ankle and knee, I can sympathise. I can only hope it doesn’t last quite as long for you as it did for me.

    About the ex… try to let it go as much as you can!
    I know it’s easier said than done. You know I do. But responding to such silly statements is only what they are hoping for. Too many men still consider that a child’s welfare and care should be taken over by the mom and if she doesn’t give it her all (God forbid she wants to have a life, a job, friends too), they think she’s failing her kid(s). It is too often ironic as they don’t see that earning money isn’t the only thing a dad can do (even more ironic in your case, as he doesn’t even provide for the kid, you provide as much). It’s his karma.
    Your kid knows. That’s all that counts really.

    As for men… good for you for picking up on flags. Listen to your gut is all I want to tell you.

    Do you realize that every single thing you complain about in this post is about men? Even the job thing: I’m guessing, considering the nature of your job, that it’s a very masculine arena, and that it’s tapping into your more masculine energy, rather than your feminine side.

    I am wondering… is it the right foot you injured, right after your ex started to tell you these silly things again? Or after you suffered yet another disappointment from potential dates?
    The right side of the body refers to the masculine side. Either yours or someone else, a man in your life.
    You may think this is BS, and I won’t take it personally πŸ˜‰
    But if I’m right, maybe you need to heal some of these issues if you truly want to heal your leg…

    Again, sending love and healing thoughts.

  3. Adulting. So overrated.

    GO EXERCISE. That is often the only that lets me keep my shit kinda together (and really, its not like anyone is going to complain of the side effect of a perky bum!)

    Hang in there!

    • I’ve been twice to the gym but had to cancel with my trainer the first day after I sprained my ankle. He’s going gentle on me but I suspect tomorrow we will ratchet (!) it up a bit πŸ™‚

  4. It’s 10/14, I imagine you made it and hope your ankle is getting better.

    I remember being stuck in the dark, no light at the end of the tunnel, nor I knew where it was. All I could think of was one foot in front of the other, a step at a time.

    Ran into your site and on this page, somehow I felt I should share. Hope it’s okay. πŸ™‚

What do you think?