A little quiet time

The sound of silence. Kinda.

I deleted my dating profiles last week – maybe the week before – and so far I don’t miss them. I’ve had a few moments where I considered reopening them, wondering if my soul mate is one right swipe away, but they remain deleted.

I have also quite liked not being able to check the locations of anyone I’ve connected with. It brings no good to know these things. I unfriended Kyle on Facebook, with strong encouragement from Hy, and that’s been fine too. There was nothing in his profile of any interest, but the moment he posted something I could possibly interpret as bad for me, I would wish to not have seen it.

He hasn’t mentioned it; I doubt he’s noticed. I almost followed Drew on Instagram but resisted. 

I deleted the men who ghosted me, and others whose expiry date had long passed. I have no way of reaching them, which is perfect.

But don’t get me wrong; this isn’t a post about being comfortable in my men-free status. I was looking at potentially seeing five different men in five days last week. I’m no alone-and-embracing-it hero. Unfortunately, Drew cancelled our afternoon plans, but I saw Lewis, Clark, Tony, and Jake (all separately, and I laugh that I need to specify that). It was a sexually delicious time – Clark in particular, and I promise to write about it.

I’m losing track about what I’ve written about, so forgive me if this is a repeat. But, Kyle is back in town after a month of business travel and has proactively asked for three dates in the next 10 days. Hy calls him Bigfoot – I will believe in him when I actually see him. It’s hard to not get excited, but I am, despite trying to talk myself out of it.

Despite bailing on me last week due to needing to help his parents, Drew says he feels terrible and has just been busy. It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen him. I joked there was only so much rejection a woman could take, and he immediately was all over me in text saying he wasn’t rejecting me. I had to tell him I was just teasing. I was, kinda.

Then the work week started and the boys got quiet. Lewis and I talked about setting a date but we didn’t start up the discussion again after the weekend. Clark is on vacation so I don’t expect to hear from him. Kyle and I texted infrequently throughout the weekend but it’s been 48 hours since our last communication (I sent the last text). Drew was quiet all weekend as he was away, then asked me when I was free yet hasn’t replied to my response. Tony and I barely texted on Sunday and as I said in my previous post, I’m not keeping things active.

The net result? Today was really damn quiet. I’m used to having some interaction every day with men I’m dating or trying to date. In moments of free time, after reading the news and trolling Instagram, I would go onto a dating site. Not only are there no dating sites with which to occupy my time, but today there were no texts either.

And it was okay. I’m busy at work. I have shit to do. Liam is back from a vacation with his father. My life is not diminished because I didn’t hear from Kyle today. Granted, if I don’t hear from him tomorrow, I will be annoyed – but I’m reminding myself on the one hand, we have a date and plan set, so why would we need to again confirm it the day before, and also reminding myself he’s likely to bail so I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

Talk to me in another 24 hours and I may be in a terrible place. If I don’t hear from Kyle or Drew it will be a test of my ability to not try to counteract the hurt with others. Normally I would reach out to Tony, or perhaps someone else. I’d go back online and try again. I believe I’m up to the challenge; I know if I can do it I will feel good about my decision.

I really hope it’s not tested.

10 thoughts on “The sound of silence. Kinda.

  1. Have you tried reading a good book in your down, quiet time, while listening to relaxing music? This helps me and I get into the book and don’t think of other things in my life. It’s also a good model for Liam to see you reading a lot instead of on some device. Kids need to read more and not play on devices. I’m a teacher so know from experience. Enjoy the quiet, it’s VERY under-rated!

    • Oh absolutely! I read, do puzzles with him, we cook, do Lego, board games, play sports outside. We listen to all kinds of music and dance around. He’s restricted for how much screen time he gets for all those reasons.
      I like the quiet too!!

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