I’m on a plane flying home from New York, where I’ve been the last several days. It was wonderful but I always look forward to getting home after too many nights in a hotel room. A breakfast of bacon, eggs, some toast and coffee should not cost $35 US.
I did not seek a debaucherous vacation, nor did debauchery find me anyway. As you know, sometimes it comes to you. I am however sporting four very large hickeys on the front of my neck, with no concealer to be found. But that’s not the reason I’m writing at the moment.
My level of patience and optimism with my dating life has been cyclical – right now I’m in a place where the lack of common decency shown by so many gets to me. It’s not just my experience, it’s those of my friends as well.
We write of men who go from constant texting one day to silence the next. Who compliment us just to end up only wanting phone sex and sexy pictures. Who create fake online dating profiles or stories to solicit our attention and nothing else. Who text after months of silence because we are next in their rotation. Or who we date a few times and hear all the right things to have them simply. disappear.
I have always thought this world is largely devoid of basic kindness and courtesy, even taking into account cultural differences that can lead us to think others are ill-mannered. But my dating experience means I feel this almost daily, and it’s so goddamned personal. This isn’t seeing a young person failing to give up their seat for the elderly (I almost always intervene), this is a man who is ignoring ME.
The behavior already bothers me, so add to it happening to me and it bothers me even more. Friends have pointed out part of my pursuit of men after they are clearly not interested is because I want them to admit they have behaved badly. Once I get that I feel better. Of course, it doens’t happen, so not only is my pursuit futile, it is counter productive and embarrassing. I’ve gotten better at it, but the instinct is still there.
All this to say, it’s an unfortunate truth that being with someone who is a gentleman, who demonstrates kindness and empathy is bloody rare.
And when that kindness and empathy is combined with adoration and complete acceptance, I am rendered speechless – moved beyond words.
I’ve been given a lot of gifts through this blog, but the personal connections I’ve made are the most valuable. I realized that other than one text exchange with a friend I’ve known for years, everyone I met this trip is a blog friend. That’s pretty amazing to me.
But back to my point.
I met someone new this time. He’s not a blogger but is a regular commenter. And he doesn’t know it (well he’s about to, I suppose) but his treatment of me moved me beyond my ability to express it in person. I held back tears because I didn’t want to have to explain.
The men I have met through this blog are very special to me. I first experienced with Johnny Id the wonder of a man who knew all of my secrets and fell in love with me anyway. It was incredibly liberating. While I haven’t dated any bloggers since, there have been a few men who I know have liked me well beyond my obvious sexuality. It’s wonderful to not have secrets with someone.
The past few days, I have been treated with a respect, kindness, acceptance, and courtesy pretty damn rare in this world, and definitely rare in my dating life. Fox was a gentleman but ultimately couldn’t accept me as I was. Tony is completely accepting but not much a gentleman and his lies have caused me emotional distress. I could go on, but would rather dwell on the positive.
I was taken for dinner. Escorted to the airport. Taken to Coney Island where I’d never been and always wanted to go. Treated to beer and lobster rolls and whatever my heart desired. My bags were held for me. My brain was engaged. My endless questions about New York (thrilled to be hanging out with a native) were patiently answered. I was asked questions about who I was and things I don’t. My answered were remembered.
My whole person felt adored. My body was worshipped.
And it was almost unbearable.