Sometimes I feel like my weight and fitness level is the remaining area of my life where I don’t have a good handle on things. I think I can write that here without eye rolling or backlash, because hopefully any of you who’ve read more than a handful of my posts know I believe I can always progress further in everything. I never sit back and say “wow hey I’m all that and anyone should be lucky to have me.” I’m not egotistical. Yuck.
I guess said another way, I’m confident about having my shit together with work and career, parenting (most days), friendships, money… so many of the things by which we tend to measure life success. I also think I can improve on those fronts. But while I am confident about how I look most days (biologically gifted with height, a decently pleasing countenance, and hair my stylist reminds me every time I see her that people pay literally hundreds of dollars to achieve), I’m not as fit as I should be. I’d like to weigh about 15 lbs less, and have a smoother ass.
As much as I have come to love my body in the last few years, its ability to feel pleasure from so many things other women struggle with (orgasms every which way – yay!), and the pleasure it gives to others… I want to be fitter.
But so far, that pursuit hasn’t been a priority. We make things for the things that matter. I won’t ever be a gym bunny. I can’t ever see myself posting endless gym selfies on Instagram with #doessheevenlift hashtags.
As I wrote a couple of months ago, I had a very thorough fitness and health assessment, and despite the fitness assessor not accepting my invitation to go on a date with me, due to his very justified engaged-to-be-married status, I signed up for six months of personal training twice a week – and pre-paid.
I love my trainer (and he’s not the one who did the assessment). He’s very thorough, precise, and kicks my butt. I’ve seen him twice a week each week and have only cancelled due to illness once. Although I’m more aware of what I’m consuming, I haven’t changed my eating or drinking habits – he said “Ann, don’t stress about that; cortisol is bad for you. We’ll get you there, don’t worry.”
He warned me to not weigh myself and get worried – I’m building muscle and at first my weight could go up, not down. So while I’ve been monitoring maybe one a week or every two weeks, and have actually lost five pounds (hooray!), the weight loss happened before I started with my trainer.
I can feel myself getting stronger and the imbalances in my body are being corrected. There are things I can do and weights I can lift I couldn’t six weeks ago. He watches me like a hawk and knows when a movement is getting too easy. I haven’t had to see my chiropractor in a month – while the chronic pain flares up when I’m stressed and sitting for long times, it has resolved itself without intervention. “Don’t take offense to this,” I said to my chiropractor when telling him about the personal training “but my goal is to not see you anymore.”
In some ways being so busy during this time has helped. I have the sessions booked in advance and I just go and do my thing and – poof – all of a sudden not only do I feel better but I’m seeing small physical changes as well.
One day I was shaving my legs in the shower and noticed definition in my inter thigh which didn’t exist before. Wearing a sleeveless dress, I reached out to pick something up and flexing my arm looked different.
I have told myself my butt can’t possibly be looking better yet because I think it’s just wishful thinking. But I swear it’s changing too.
And then, someone who is well acquainted with my body also commented on it – how my legs feel stronger and “tighter” and they could see new muscle definition in my back. It was awesome to hear.
What prompted this post however was me getting ready recently for an after-work event. I put on heels, was in a dress and bare legs and looked at my rear reflection in a full-length mirror. I noticed a shadow on a calf and moved to see what it was. Imagine my delighted surprise when I realized the definition between the two muscles is starting to show.
I literally laughed out loud.
And just had to share.