Ferns, you’ve got to know I’m thinking of you with every word. And indeed, with some of these decisions I confess to thinking “oh gosh Ferns is gonna kill me from across the planet”.
Ian. Even before the Kyle bail, I’d been thinking about my summer plans and the things I wanted to do. I want some guys to spend time with and I got it in my head that Ian might be fun for some good nights. Other than that weird third date we had great nights together and good conversations. Not the easiest thing for me to find.
He had asked to keep in touch, so I sent him a text and said I was wondering if he’d be interested in getting together some of the times he’s in the city this summer.
He was thrilled and asked if I was free on Monday. It’s beautiful weather here so we are expecting a nice patio dinner and whatever strikes my fancy.
Drinks and dinner after work with a girlfriend.
Okay, I don’t want the lecture. I’m seeing Tony. He wants to give me some gifts he bought for me. I would like to receive them. I have stuff of his in my house to give back. But really it’s an opportunity to continue my long goodbye.
He’s moving back into the house with his formerly-ex-wife. He doesn’t know when but he’s committed to doing it. She’s given him a list of things she wants him to fix first before he does so – and when I pressed again trying to understand why, he sighed and said “Ann, that’s just how she is.” He told me he knows what he’s giving up. Both everything we have together and any potential for more. He’s broken and I’m sad for him.
I’ve told him we need to end our physical relationship, and he agrees. Right now I can’t imagine not having him in my life to some extent. We joked about how he wants to be able to take me for dinner and complain about how miserable he is and live vicariously through my happy life. There’s probably more truth to that then we’d like to admit.
But we both know any contact once he moves back will be difficult. I’m putting aside for a moment whether it’s even something I want with anything more than a yearly check in. He doesn’t know how it will work and I know just thinking about him doing some of the family things I envisioned being the one to do with him will be difficult.
My bet? We will see each other every few months, probably in secret, and it will be wonderful and connective and depressing. I will question whether it’s worth it and what I’m gaining from it.
It will eventually fade to nothing. Maybe 15 years from now or more he will come back to me just like my grandmothers boyfriend did with him. Maybe I will be happily married or maybe he will find me single and unhappy and I will welcome him gladly. I will be around age 56 when his son graduates from high school.
I don’t know, I can’t predict, and only time will tell. Like I said before, I don’t want a lecture.
Lewis!! He was my “plus one” for a recent formal event I was invited to by a senior executive at my company. We had a wonderful time. A colleague thought he was my husband and I didn’t get a chance to correct her so it became a source of great amusement.
We made plans to see each other on Thursday.
A part of me still hopes there could be more with him – if only because it seems to make sense. We have good intellectual and physical chemistry and seem to be pretty compatible. But sex seems to be what we are all about, and since its great I will take it. And no, it doesn’t mean I’m constantly yearning for more.
No plans as yet. Maybe a night with someone I had one night with two years ago right before a two week vacation. We faded to nothing as I never followed up with him after I returned. If memory serves I was in the middle of being open-no-closed with Johnny Id and things were complicated enough.
I find it interesting that he’s been in touch every day since. Just a quick few texts, asking how my day was, that kind of thing. It’s precisely the kind of communication I’ve maintained is clever if you are interested in someone. It’s not clingy, not time consuming, not intrusive, but makes me feel his interest.
Smart man. I don’t actually remember much about the night with him because I never wrote about it. I ended up having sex with him but I wasn’t my most discriminating at that point in my life.
He’s an interesting partial distraction. Maybe nothing will come of it or maybe I will be pleasantly surprised.
I’m taking a girlfriend to dinner and the symphony.
I get my kid back.