When I arrived back in my city, I sent him a text to let him know. We exchanged four text messages that day….none of which were him saying anything close to “hey thanks for last night I had a great time.”
The next morning I sent him the following: “Good morning handsome 🙂 The nightgown I was wearing last night smelled like you and it made me smile…”
What did I get in return, three hours later? “Hey good morning to you. Not as nice and sunny when you were here yesterday!”
And before y’all get up in my face telling me I shouldn’t expect more, I know this. Why on earth a man would think it wise to say just one small something about having a good time, or thinking the woman who drove a total of 4.5 hours just to have a date with him is a fine specimen, or looking forward to seeing her again… I know. It’s crazy.
^^ By the way, if anyone has an idea for a sarcasm font, let me know. I need it for the paragraph above.
With his truck still out of commission for a week, and knowing our child schedules didn’t align, it was going to be two full weeks before I could see him again unless I was willing to drive to him. We had talked about it – he said he knew it couldn’t happen unless I was willing.
I was willing. I also didn’t want to push myself on him. His pace and style of communication told me he needed to take it slow. I chose to believe his intentions were good, that he meant what he said and he was interested.
The shitty thing about dating is it’s practically impossible to distinguish between someone who likes you but is being chill about it, and someone who’s disinterested. The texting and communication can look exactly the same. It’s all about the context.
Knowing all this, and deliberately choosing the non-cynical path (although it was there with the trail markers clearly visible), I texted the following midday on Sunday: “Would you want to see me tonight if I could make it work? Not sure if that’s too much for you?”
It’s important for me to be with someone who can stick up for what they need. I would have understood had he said he needed to get some stuff done before Monday, or just needed some time to himself. But instead, two hours later, he replied “It would be great to see you. That’s a bunch of driving for you this weekend?”
We established I was fine to drive, and I was.
Now, I’m going to do something a little different in this post and try to just give you the facts of what happened, without any editorializing. It definitely won’t be my best writing, but I don’t want to lead all my witnesses. I will save my interpretations and thoughts for the next post, and I’d like to hear what you make of him.
I showed up at 7:15, he greeted me with a kiss and we didn’t take it farther. He asked if I was hungry and when I said yes, he seductively said “for what?”…and I said I was hungry for lots of things but if I was left unfed I would probably not be too pleasant for anything else.
He picked a restaurant and told me I needed to drive because he’d already had three beers.
I drove to a local restaurant that he picked. The waitress was the girlfriend of one of his friends. He didn’t introduce me but we chatted with her off and on about things other than our order.
He drank another two beers during dinner. I had one glass of wine.
We talked a lot about relationships during dinner. His ex-wife was the one that ended the marriage, she was with another man (in their house, he thinks) before things ended. It was ugly and they don’t have a good post-divorce relationship.
He dated another woman for 18 months, once they started to integrate their families it stopped working. They broke up first in January, got back together, then finally broke it off for good in February. Their children are in the same class, it’s a small town, so he still sees her. They’ve had coffee once since their breakup.
Dinner was amazing, and the conversation flowed just like the first two dates.
I drove us back to his place. We made out for about a minute, pressed up against a wall, and nothing progressed.
He drank two more beers while I nursed a second glass of wine. We sat on his couch and watched the end of a big sporting event. At a break, I sat on top of him, kissing him. It didn’t go further so I sat back down next to him.
He watched the after-show commentary. I watched the clock progress towards 11pm.
He seemed really tired, so I asked him if he was and he said yes. We went right to bed, no sex, just a goodnight kiss. He was sleeping, snoring, not 5 minutes later. I got a moderately better amount of sleep this time.
We woke up at 6am to the sunrise, which was beautiful, then both fell back asleep. He put his arm around me and his head in the crook of my neck.
An hour later we both woke up. He got up to go to the bathroom and fussed around in his kitchen for a bit. He came back to bed and we had sex. It wasn’t as good as last time, but it was good.
Right after he came, he dozed off, on top of me. Again. When I shifted my body to get more comfortable he woke up, hopped up and took a shower. I asked him whether he didn’t like to smell like sex and he said something along the lines of “oh its easier this way.”
He made coffee and breakfast while I lounged in bed a bit longer.
I told him I could either get in the car and go home and take my work calls from the car, or hang out there for a few hours and take my calls from his house. He said he would like to have me around.
He went to the couch and turned on his television. We watched Game of Thrones. No kissing, nothing physical at all.
He made himself scarce while I set up my computer and got on the phone. He was cleaning up his deck, then I didn’t see him at all. I had to get something from my car and I saw he was in his truck on his phone.
He came back a while later and we spent a few minutes outside. He said he wasn’t feeling well and was going to take a walk. I asked if there was anything I could do. He said no. I asked if he wanted me to join him and he said no, he was okay, he was just going to walk to the river and back.
I packed up my things and loaded my car. Did a bit of work.
When he came back, maybe 20 minutes later, we sat outside facing the lake. Well, he sat and I stood next to him. I told him I felt like I should leave, and that I didn’t know him well enough to know if he told me he wanted me to hang out because he thought that’s what I wanted to hear. He said “no, no, it’s not that, I just don’t feel well. Sorry.”
We said goodbye shortly after. When I got home I texted “Just got home; thanks for a great dinner last night. I hope you are feeling better soon.”
His response? “Just woke up from a nap. Feeling better thanks.” And that’s all we said to each other that day.
The next morning (Tuesday) he sent a good morning text and we had a brief text exchange. That night I sent him a picture of the view I had at the sporting event I was at. Another brief text exchange.
Wednesday morning I sent a good morning text. Again we had a brief exchange. Then later I said “So what are your thoughts on getting together again? I know it just may be your style and normal pace do definitely don’t want to misinterpret, but I’m not getting a particularly keen vibe? Maybe you can call after the kids are asleep.”
He called me later that night and made no mention of my text. I finally said “well I suppose since you called me you are interested in getting together again” and he concurred and we set a date for 10 days later, the first time his truck would be fixed and neither of us would have our kids. He said “do you want me to come downtown” and I said “yes, absolutely, after all I did drive over 8 hours this past weekend to see you” to which he said “yeah, of course…that’s great.”
Since then, up until today, we have not talked on the phone. A few texts each day here and there. Nothing romantic or flirty. Transactional checking in type stuff.
He sent me a Happy Mothers Day text (Tony hasn’t, for what it’s worth).
So now, 1,600 words later, we are up to date. Hope I didn’t put you to sleep and you’re awake enough to tell me what you think.
Oh, in case you wonder what the dwarfs reference was? Hy categorized Ian as “Sleepy, Barfy, TV-Watchy”. I needed the smile, and the phrase stuck.