The texting dilemma

My experiences recently seem to have a similar theme – what amount of communication do I expect and how these expectations can get me into trouble.

I’ve had on and off blog conversations about this as I’ve explored various opinions and insights. There are a huge variation of opinions, but most tend to agree on the following:

  • Constant texting before you’ve met each other is a red flag. Meaning, every day, without much pause, throughout the day and night. Many of us don’t like this even later in a relationship (myself included).
  • Someone who challenges why you aren’t responding quickly enough is also not a good sign early on (and I don’t mean – “hey haven’t heard from you for three days, everything okay?”)

Those are the only commonalities. I’m open to other universal truths if anyone cares to suggest one.

The thing that has genuinely puzzled me the last few weeks is the comments people have made along the lines of: if someone is in daily contact they are needy or clingy. I can recognize needy and clingy and daily contact doesn’t necessarily feel that way to me.

So what does needy and clingy feel like? Constant texting, non-stop throughout the day and evening – because it signals to me the person doesn’t have enough in their life already and I’m going to become their sole focus. Someone who is always asking me what I’m doing – because especially very early on, it signals that they are actively trying to suss out if I’m dating others, and it feels too intrusive for me. Someone who keeps texting even when I haven’t responded – which is just annoying. I have a busy job and while I can manage to send a few texts in a day, I can’t have a conversation.

There are other red flags about the content of texts, but I’m going to focus on frequency.

The overwhelming majority of men I’ve met on a dating site tend to be in contact every single day – before and after I’ve met them. As you all know, these men have run the gamut from just wanting a hookup to hoping to be in a relationship right away. Some have been needy, but many have not.

So how does it happen with such a broad spectrum of men?

I woke up with some insight, and it has everything to do with how I’ve been meeting men.

When you meet someone on a dating site, if you don’t text daily you will lose their attention. There isn’t a sense of slower pace usually. Here’s the key – once you connect with someone and start a conversation, you’re having a conversation. You’re not only sending a text every two days. Well if you do, it’s going to take weeks.

Generally speaking, once people start texting, you have conversations in spurts. Initially you might spend 15 minutes or even an hour texting back and forth on the dating site. I do this (and don’t mind) because I’m trying to suss out the following:

  • Are they who they say they are?
  • Do we have some compatible interests?
  • Can they carry on a conversation (believe me, as much as texting is a weak communication medium, many cannot)?
  • Are we looking for similar things?
  • Do they exhibit any major red flags (sexual talk right away, over the top compliments right away, etc).

Once I suss this out – and it doesn’t take very long often, depending on how much you message back and forth it can be an hour or a couple of days – I like to move to phone or text.

Sometimes people make a date while still on the dating app, but there’s risk with that, because you haven’t really established who they are unless they’ve given you that information.

Phone is good, but texting is sometimes even better, because once I get the person’s phone number I am able to do some research to make sure they are who they say they are. While men may not think about safety, I do.

I do my research. I search their number on Facebook, as most people don’t realize you can be searched this way unless you turn it off. If I have their last name I look them up on LinkedIn. I might see if they have a Twitter and Instagram account. And this isn’t about me stalking their social media sites to see what their ex girlfriends looks like, it’s all about establishing they are a) real, and b) are who they say they are.

But here’s the point.

Once you’ve moved to text, if you have communicated with any frequency on the dating site, that pace often carries over to texting. For example, if you’ve had short (15 minute) messaging sessions on the dating site daily, if you move to text, suddenly going silent seems counter-productive when your goal is to secure a date.

Some people believe once you set a date there’s no need to communicate daily. I don’t disagree, but for me it’s more about what kind of cadence we started with. It’s when something changes it feels weird and unsettling.

Let me know what you think – as I said, I’ve been tossing this around in my head for a couple of weeks, so curious whether this resonates.

55 thoughts on “The texting dilemma

  1. Well we have been talking about this off blog for weeks – I still don’t know what the answer is. I do agree that what you start with, how you establish the foundation, should continue or it seems off. To me this is now an obvious flag that something is amiss – good communication suddenly dwindling to poor communication….something is going on. Not to say it’s always a red flag, but when the person doesn’t tell you what’s going on, it’s a sign something is up – and it could be work, family, or dating – who the hell knows.

    I am a proponent of the quick and clear text “Hi. How are you today. Busy day ahead for me. Talk tmrw?” That says, I’m thinking of you (before a first date) but just don’t want a lot more engagement right now…and that’s ok!

    No answers here, I’m stuck in the same cycle as you. We do know that when you feel secure, less communication is fine. It’s when you are left wondering “where do I fit in?” that the communication becomes more important.

    • Absolutely agree – as I should have said in my post, it’s impossible to distinguish between someone just playing it cool who likes you, and someone who is indifferent. It’s all in the context, not the behavior.
      I agree with you on the daily check in – it’s a nice thing and the biggest romancers have it nailed.
      I think some of the difference in opinion stems from whether someone believes they should try to make time for you early in dating. In other words, we don’t fit in right away.

  2. I always think of my potential interest as a partner. So there needs to be some communication, daily, to keep information open. A poor example: My roommate and I are great friends and even though we work and live together our schedules are often opposite. So we text to keep up to date on what’s going on at home/work. I would imagine that would be the same way with a boyfriend. I don’t expect constant communication but a “hey I saw this and thought of you,” or “OMG I hate mushrooms…,” even a “slow day here what’s going on?” I think, Ann, you feel the same way. Besides if you can’t stand talking to them on a daily basis how are you ever going to date!?

    • There is so much to this, obviously, as it’s brought a lot of debate! Personally I think it’s very clever of someone to keep the fires stoked a little bit… but seems for some it would be interpreted as overbearing and/or needy. I also tend to start each new date with real hope – I don’t play it all cool until some magic day happens and I decide I like them. I dunno, this is all starting to seem very complicated 🙂

  3. “For me it’s more about what kind of cadence we started with. It’s when something changes it feels weird and unsettling.” So this is what I think you need to learn to be OK with (during the first month or so): if he puts the brakes on and you don’t here from him like you heard from while on the dating site, that’s OK. I’ve used dating sites plenty of times and there does seem to be this fun banter that starts on a dating site. But then life gets in the way…and tha’ts OK. You want someone that has a life and doesn’t want to rush things. You want someone who will take his time with getting to know you and as the weeks progress, you can start texting daily if that is what you need (I don’t need that though). Try it….see what happens…I think it’s a good way in finding a grounded man who is confident in who he is and will bring joy to your life.

  4. One other general rule I believe in (don’t know if it’s a “universal truth” or not) is as I’ve mentioned before with regard to someone ignoring or not responding at all to your texts. It’s one thing if a person doesn’t proactively text first to open or re-establish communications. It’s another entirely for him to ignore or not respond at all when you send him a text first.

    We all live with our phones glued to our sides these days, and no one is so busy that they can’t spare 10 seconds of their life to respond to someone’s text, even if just to say “busy talk later”.

    So for me the rule is if someone doesn’t respond to your text within at least a few hours (to account for if they’re driving or working or otherwise preoccupied), then either they’re not that interested or they’re just inconsiderate, neither of which bodes well in the long term.

    • That’s a very good one – totally agree. I’ve had to slow down texting with a few guys who just keeping wanting to talk all the same, but I will usually send a note that says “hey definitely want to continue this conversation but need to focus on XX right now.” I think ignoring someone is not necessary.

    • I disagree with your “few hours” rule…My last job I was not able to have my phone on during working hours due to the privacy of patients in the hospital so I rarely had my phone on during the day…I guess this might be rare these days…But I do believe there are other professions out there were someone is too busy to text during the day (teachers come to mind right away)

      • OK, but in cases like that it would be assumed that you’d inform the person you’re dating/talking to that due to the nature of your job you’re incommunicado during the day. So at least the other person knows and expects not to hear back from you if they do happen to text, and they’re not left guessing as to why they don’t receive a response the whole day.

      • What you are describing just reinforces for me the context of things being important. As you rightfully state, some people simply cannot respond within a few hours – Tony is an example of this when he’s in the middle of a shoot. But for others, it’s highly unusual to not respond in a few hours. All depends.

        • Yes, so we agree it all depends…Josh, I have a few friends who I don’t hear back from until the next day…I figure they are busy with their kids or job and I don’t stress about it..

          • Well, I’m speaking more with regard to the early stages of dating than friends. Particularly during the courtship phase when two people are still just trying to establish a connection and chemistry, no one is so busy that they don’t have all of 10 seconds during over the course of a 24 hour period to text back even something as short as “Busy call u later”, particularly if they do in fact have a genuine interest in dating you and not taking your interest for granted.

            And that’s really the issue. Everyone pretends they’re so busy these days that they don’t have even 10 seconds in their entire day while taking a shit or eating a sandwich to type 4 words and hit send, but it’s bullshit. People aren’t that busy, they’re just lazy and take other people for granted. Meanwhile they’re probably somehow finding time to watch videos on Youtube or scroll through Facebook.

            So to me it’s not about stressing over it, as much as it’s A. a decline in basic courtesy and consideration, and B. an indicator of interest from that person. If someone you’ve just started dating can’t be bothered to take 10 seconds out of an entire day and evening to respond to a text from you, chances are they’re not very into you. Not a cause for stress, just a sign to move on.

          • I have to say I’m with Josh on this one – in the early stages of dating the point is to demonstrate interest. If there is no communication, how are you showing your interest in this person. I agree that a couple of liens a day in between is all that’s required to say “you’re on my mind” no matter how busy we all are. And you generally understand the persons vocation and if it would be impossible to text at work (say a surgeon) and then your expectation might be different.

          • Couldn’t agree with you more, Josh. I used to get pissed at Tony about that when he’d say he couldn’t text me – I said “what, you never go to the bathroom?!”. But eventually I just got used to him not communicating much some days, but he also met me half way with things.

  5. For me a few of the men who I move to texting with seem to come on strong and then dwindle down to nothing. Seems that many are in it for the chase, gratification, or the ego boost. IDK. And they say us women are hard to figure out. Ha!!
    I don’t chase, and I recently had one who since I didn’t text him for a while, figured I was not interested anymore. That wasn’t the case. My life got hectic. Turns out he was a jerk anyways after meeting his cocky ass. He’s now blocked! Won’t go into details now, but the guy had definite ego issues and abusive tendencies. Whew!!

  6. When I reach out to someone or they to me on my dating app, I find it a huge red flag when they immediately offer up their phone number and want me to text them. I don’t want to text you right away — I want to get to know more about you first to see if there is any interest. In the beginning, it was because I didn’t want to be handing out my number, willy-nilly to any Tom, Dick or Harry. However, even now that I use Google Voice, I COULD give out my number and feel comfortable (since it’s not really my number) — but I still don’t want to move right to texting. I don’t live on my dating app and I don’t live and die by my phone. If I get a text, I feel no obligation to immediately return the text. Sometimes I’m busy, sometimes I just don’t feel like engaging with that person at that moment, sometimes I don’t hear the text come in (at work, my phone is muted and stays that way until lunch or until I get home). I’ll get back to them when I get back to them. This doesn’t mean I don’t value the person or that I don’t want to touch base — it just means I’m not living according to some silly social convention that insists I must respond within so many minutes or hours in order to be polite.

    When a guy messages me on my dating app and I respond, I don’t get upset if I don’t hear from him for a day or two. In fact, I think that is a GOOD sign — it means that they ALSO have a life and that they aren’t desperate to date. Now, if a week goes by and he still hasn’t responded — then I move along. It’s not worth it to me to message (or text) and say “Are you OK? I haven’t heard from you in a while.” They know how to reach me — if they are interested, they will. If they aren’t interested enough to keep the conversation going — then good — I only want to date guys who feel I’m worth making the effort over.

    I don’t need to hear from a guy every morning or every night in order to know he’s thinking about me. Quite frankly, I don’t care if he’s thinking about me — I just MET the dude! If we were to date for several weeks and were developing some real feelings — well, then I’d appreciate a text or two a day. But before there is a relationship — it’s a bit creepy. I don’t know if you get what I’m saying, since texting seems important to you. But, if you can — think of it this way. If you were a guy and you met a girl online and had exchanged some nice messages and maybe even met once — what would you think if the girl felt like you weren’t polite or that you weren’t into her if you didn’t text her once or twice a day – just to let her know you were thinking of her. You might still be messaging and dating other girls. You don’t have a relationship with this girl — you just had a nice date or two (or maybe a nice romp at some point). You LIKE her and may want to see her again — but she may NOT be on your mind every day, because you don’t really know her yet and you don’t really have a relationship.

    Does that make sense? I know that texting — like anything else — is a spectrum. I’m probably closer to one end of the spectrum while you are closer to the other. That doesn’t really make either of us wrong — it just is what it is. If you happen to meet a guy who is closer to my end of the texting spectrum, they wouldn’t think they HAD to text once or twice a day. It’s just not in their mindset. And (if they are like me), if you wanted more texts, they would kind of be baffled on why it was important to you. That doesn’t make them not worth dating or not a good guy — but their communication style may not mesh with yours.

    Sorry for the novel — but for some reason, this is a hot-button topic for me (probably because I identify more with the guys who aren’t texting you as often as you like).

    • Okay let me tackle each paragraph one by one.

      First, I TOTALLY agree with you about texting right away. I had a guy recently give me his number after one message on Bumble and I thought – good lord, NO. I maybe should have said “messaging” because I didn’t mean texting. Exactly like you say, I want to figure out first whether I even want to take if off the site.

      With regard to the length of time it takes to respond? I think it’s completely situation dependent. If I’m waiting for you to confirm if I’m meeting you in a hour? Have a fast response? If you’ve sent me something non-critical and I’m in a meeting? I’m not responding to you right away. Fox got all pissy because he couldn’t understand why my job and son meant sometimes, if it wasn’t important, he wasn’t hearing from me quickly.

      I don’t think someone isn’t polite because they don’t message me twice a day saying they are thinking of me. Nor do I think doing so has anything to do with whether you are dating other people. I’ve received good morning and good night texts from the craziest players who are with many women. In fact some of the biggest douchebags were the most frequent texters! Conversely, men like Ian aren’t dating multiple people and he’s just not a big texter.

      What I was trying to convey is that a lot of it has to do with the pace you establish when you are chatting on a dating site and then what happens at varying points in time… when you move to text, after you set a date to meet and then before you meet, etc. If I’m texting someone where it’s never been all that frequent, I’m cool with that, and adjust to their pace. I can’t handle a ton of texting from someone but I can definitely make time for a few daily exchanges.

      I COMPLETELY understand for someone who isn’t a big texter, they would be baffled by any sense of injury on the other end. Tony and I had to get ourselves sorted around this. Once we understood how each other liked to communicate, we were good.

      Bottom line for me? If you are texting me every day proactively, a little but not too much, and asking how my day is, and then suddenly going silent… it leads to me asking questions what’s going on.

      does that make sense?

  7. In my opinion, based on my experiences and those of the people in my inner circle, I find that if you have to question the situation at all, the other person just isn’t as into you as you’d like. Men are not hard to figure out. If they want something, they go after it. They respond to your texts quickly, they ask you out and won’t let anything (except their children or job) get in the way of seeing you. And most times, they find a “work around” when it comes to those two things as well.

    There are no rules or confusion. If someone texts too much and the content of their messages turns you off – you are turned off. If you meet and they are as into you, as you are into them, you will know it.

    My husband (we’ve been married 6 months, together two years) is not a texter. He doesn’t enjoy it. But that didn’t matter when he was courting me. He knew I was a hot commodity and that there was competition for my attention, so he didn’t mess around. If he had been timid, I would know he wasn’t my type. If he had made me chase him at all, I would have opted out. I don’t chase. And I texted him frequently also – because we were engaged in a conversation – on ongoing one at that.

    Men are very cavalier when they aren’t totally into you. And if I were you (and feel free to tell me to kick rocks) I would never send another text after not hearing from someone for hours or days. That is chasing and a waste of time.

    I see common occurrences in your posts. I cringe at times because I’ve “seen” you over and over again chase them via text. I’ve seen you tolerate the presence of men who are either confused or not totally into you.

    For all the confident things you say, the confidence you display sexually, I keep getting the sense of insecurity in the actions you take and the choices you make. There are times when you seem almost desperate and again, I could be totally off base, but it’s the message I read in your posts.

    If you are going to date one guy after another, then in my opinion, I think you should be a bit more hard nosed about what you will tolerate from your suitors. I would have higher expectations and require that any one who wants your attention demonstrate that clearly or you won’t waste your time and energy on them.

    If you aren’t going to have higher expectations, then I would stop. Because all the analyzing over their behavior, the risk, the emotional rejection and putting yourself out there is not adding to your life.

    Anyways – I know this sounds harsh and I apologize for that. This is just what I’m taking away from the things you share and obviously I don’t know you. And every situation is seemingly complicated.

    I would just offer to you that it really isn’t that complicated ….. it’s really quite simple, but our insecurities, our loneliness and our willingness to tolerate certain behaviors, make it complicated.

    • Hey Brazen, I’m going to try to not sound defensive and I know your feedback comes from a good place, but there are a few things I disagree with in what you’ve said.

      First, while in theory I believe you should never have to question, I don’t think that’s actually the case. In fact, saying that causes me to be far more cynical, because sometimes people just don’t like to text, so they don’t, and the other person assume it means something it doesn’t. Bottom line is we get into trouble when we ascribe motivation to another person’s behavior. Of course, when you are aligned it won’t matter, but when you aren’t, it causes issues and doesn’t mean you have to write them off.

      Normally the best conversations are the ones you describe – I don’t find myself even noticing response times etc. That’s what it was like with the tall guy recently. It just flowed. I sent a good morning text the first time because I felt like it, and we’d signed off the night before so there had been good communication. I wasn’t chasing him. The second one was in response to a question he’d asked the night before that I hadn’t responded to.

      And when he then went silent for four days, I didn’t text him. There was no chasing.

      I also didn’t chase Ian. I did send a text when he went silent – and while you may interpret that as chasing – for me it was mostly to see whether he had truly gone silent or not. But over the course of several days I was very very quiet.

      I am not insecure.

      With regard to expectations, I have very high ones. For more than a year, I have been very selective in who I engage with. I don’t bother matching with men who don’t fit my criteria. I ignored the vast majority of messages I got when I was on OKC and POF. So as a result, the few men I’ve gone on first dates with have been really good quality. There were a few where there was no chemistry and I moved on. Ian and I had two great dates and after our weird third, I had taken a back seat approach to see what happened in the week prior to our next date. I actually haven’t gone on many dates at all, through taking a break and also being really selective.

      Do I think about it and analyse it? Absolutely. Analyzing is what I do, so it adds to my life immensely, contrary to your comment. Figuring out why the pace of communication bothers me at times is really helpful to me. It helped me in the moments in understanding Ian and it’s helping me in understand the tall dude too.

      Unfortunately, other than context, there is no way to know based on infrequent texting whether someone likes you and is just playing it cool, or whether they are disinterested. I am always looking at the context…hence the analysis.

      Does that all make sense? I appreciate you taking the time for such a thorough comment.

      • That makes perfect sense. And thank you for not telling me to go fuck myself! lol
        It’s so weird commenting like you know someone when you don’t ….. we only have your posts as a frame of reference and so I try to read between the lines which sometimes means interpreting things through my own biased lens. I’m glad my comments seemed to reaffirm your approach. Make these dudes work! 🙂

        • Hey Brazen, sorry for the delay in responding, your comments got caught in my spam filter. I am able to recognize when the feedback comes from a good place so I try really hard to hear it and what I’ve written (or not written) that leads people to think what they think. When it feels really off that’s also interesting to me because I wonder why.

      • Also – I don’t question your standards and filtering of the men you agree to get to know better. When I reference having higher expectations, I’m referring to the stuff that happens after you’ve started dating.

    • Nicely said Brazen and some great advice…I agree with the insecurity piece…I state this Ann, because as a single woman, I’ve spent many many nights alone and at one point it was hard for me. But the past couple of years, I’ve loved my time alone and feel secure with my time alone. For some reason, you have gone from guy to guy and just recently posted you had to spend a Friday evening alone. Who cares?? Obviously, the things you do sexually mean you are sexually secure and tons of fun to be around. =) But something (and this is the therapist in me) is causing you to go from guy to guy and only you know the answer and are letting all of us go along on your ride.. With love, Lisa

      • I’ve spent many many many nights alone Lisa. I’m fine with it. I need it. It’s how I’m able to write my posts! Being with someone constantly makes me crazy. Why can’t I be frustrated at a cancelled date and another weekend night where I had no plans – a third in a row – without it somehow being about insecurity? I don’t write about all the times I’m alone and fine – it makes for dull posts. I didn’t date for a month after the horrible experience I had with the last guy. I just happened to find Ian and figured I’d try three dates. Same thing with the tall one. I’m working on a post to try to explain the difference for me between needing someone because I feel insecure (I don’t) and just preferring to have someone around. I’m sure you think I’m just delusional and trying to convince you 😉

  8. I have a cell phone but very rarely use it, maybe once a month or longer. I want to be left alone and don’t feel the need to say my every thought. They’re called thoughts as you’re to dwell on what you’re thinking. Then when I have time I can email or talk on the phone after I’ve thought. Also, in the country I live in texting is illegal if you’re driving and I hate when I see people texting while driving. Hell, wait to say what you want to say. If somebody wants to talk to me they can call on a landline or talk to me in person, face to face. And, by the way, I’m VERY sociable just hate cell phones/texting!

    • Lots of people are different in how they deal with smartphones / texting, so I completely understand. For me, I like having texting as an option given my work and childcare schedule means I benefit from being able to stay in touch with someone via text.
      I do prefer to communicate with a man on the phone, after some initial texting, but before a first meeting, just so we can establish some intellectual chemistry.

  9. I’ve got no advice. My last date(night out with Mrs. Nbrat doesn’t count) was long before cell phones, computers, and we barely had calculators. I love today’s technology, but I’m glad I don’t have to find my way through it to date. I’m sure you have many more choices/opportunities today, but some of us got lucky the old fashioned way. She seduced me in my dorm room. We’ve been together 41+ years.

    I wish you the greatest happiness whatever that means to YOU, and will continue to be an active follower.

      • Mrs. Nbrat sees it differently. She remembers that I worked hard to “coax” her in. Hmm.. I do remember buying her favorite wine. But SHE suggested we drink it in MY room.(I had a single room. I was an RA.)
        I don’t think I will ever be ready to do more than share a (short) story like this in your comments. It is fur sharing though!

  10. No genuine advice here, Ann, being married forever and all. What I know about this topic is what I hear from my many single friends of all ages. In that, communication while trying to get to know one another and date is complicated no matter who you are and your skill level in other areas of your life.

    There is apparently a particular cadence that is established with regard to how much, how often texting occurs. There is an issue of common courtesy – if someone texts you, reply as soon as convenient – and the ghosting that seems to happen as often as not. One of my friends uses very basic standards about pre-meeting texting/phone calls and after a first meeting/date. If he is interested in a second meeting/date, texting and/or phone becomes more limited unless it is oriented toward scheduling the next meeting/date. If that process becomes too drawn out – life happens and we all get that, but repeatedly avoiding scheduling something, frequent cancellations and reschedules, long periods without response (24 hours, max) – he tends to say “let me know when you’re available” and leaves it at that. His willingness to engage further wanes, because he feels the woman is game playing or he’s a second string candidate and she is trying to keep her options open. No one likes feeling that way.

    Personally, I think you’re doing well in engaging from a mature and respectful perspective. What you write here, vent here, is just a very limited slice of what else your day contains. I understand your frustration, because I believe you are pretty straightforward and direct in your dealings with people, and if a guy’s not into you, I think you would rather he just be forthright and say so rather than string you along with tenuous and tentative interactions.

    • Thank you Janelle… I like your friends approach. It’s admittedly hard for me to leave things hanging. I prefer to just know where I stand and move on. But I know when I was dating a lot more I was also able to just be quiet with a few of the men I’d connected with, knowing I just hadn’t made it to the top of their rotation just yet.
      But when I’m taking it much slower, and it’s just one guy at a time, if that… it’s harder to just be chill about it all.

  11. Sooooo, first, it won’t let me “reply” to your comment that you made above and you didn’t sound bitchy at all…And guess what…just got a text from a guy I texted on Sunday…have I spent any time thinking about why I haven’t heard from him?? Well, maybe a couple of minutes…but honestly, that’s it….He just told me he didn’t get the text I sent him…Is he telling the truth?? Who knows…but in the next month I’ll see what his true character is like and if he’s worth getting to know…So glad the universe just provided me with a great example to give you =)

    • That’s funny 🙂
      So imagine you wrote a blog post exploring those few minutes 😉
      (And yes, I’ve spent more than a few minutes…I won’t be disingenuous!)

  12. I agree with what the others have said above. Even the one that sounded “harsh,” because from an objective distance, sometimes I’ve wondered on your constant analysis of potential dates and their communication styles. But this is not a judgment by any means, just an observation. I can’t pretend to understand the dilemma – as my dating woes pre-date cell phones (mostly).
    On another note, I’ve often wondered how you weed out men in terms of meeting online and knowing you’ll be in a safe situation when you meet ftf. I hadn’t considered the “background” checks – and I’m so glad to know that you’re doing it. It’s absolutely critical.

    • Constant analysis is just what I do. I’m better than I used to be at analyzing until it makes me crazy, believe it or not. And yeah, definitely background checks of some sort.

What do you think?