He’s so tall it takes a while for his texts to come through

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Thank goodness for my friends who help keep me sane when I temporarily lose my shit a little bit.

In not hearing back from the Tall Man, after some fairly steady communication, I found myself oscillating between believing it was completely fine and believing he obviously wasn’t into me.

Reasons it was fine:

  • He is busy with work
  • He had his kid all weekend
  • We had a date set so there was no need to keep texting

Reasons he wasn’t into me:

  • He didn’t reply to a question I’d asked
  • There was a change in the communication cadence we’d had to date
  • It was getting close to our date and he hadn’t confirmed

Bottom line it was impossible to know which it was, which is precisely what I hate about dating. Depending on your outlook and own experiences (and what you would do in the same situation) you’re going to interpret his behavior differently.

If he changed his mind about seeing me there was nothing I could do about it. He didn’t seem like the kind to just disappear but I reminded myself the biggest disappearing act was a guy who was a fucking counselor for troubled teens. So who knows.

I was working really hard at giving him the benefit of the doubt when the 24 hour mark before our date came and went. I was out for dinner with a close friend so had a great distraction.

The next morning in heard nothing. By that point I was convinced our date was off. As mystifying as it was to me – he’s the one that secured our date at the end of our first, and he’d been in good communication – shit happens. This is also what sucks about dating: the rejection. And yes you can say it’s not personal and all that blah blah blah but it’s still a rejection of some form or another.

People who don’t get crushed under the weight of it are pretty damn strong. With each breakup, each man I’ve walked away from, I know I’m opening myself back up to this. I’m confident and secure enough to put myself back out there, as much as it sucks sometimes.

I got to work and went about my day. At 9:30am I received:

“Ann. Apologies. But can we reschedule for another night. I got invited to go away for the [X] game. I was rushing around last night and I forgot to text you. Sorry for the last minute change. Hope you understand.”

Was the reason bullshit? Probably not – there would be no reason to make up such an elaborate lie. He was being invited to a huge sporting event.

Could he have changed his mind about seeing me, or could something have happened that made me less of a priority? Maybe.

I decided to give him the benefit of  the doubt; I wasn’t going to be worse off as a result. So I replied “That’s super exciting. Were you at Sunday’s game? When are you thinking?”

He said “Yes. I’m really excited about it. Could you do Thursday evening?”

I figured if he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t have offered up at date. He could have easily put off suggesting a night. Unless he was a total douchebag, but if he was, he would likely have disappeared entirely.

We had some back-and-forth via text that afternoon and after he’d arrived at the game. We set a time that would work for us to meet on Thursday. That was Tuesday night.

I haven’t heard from him since.

It’s Thursday morning.

21 thoughts on “He’s so tall it takes a while for his texts to come through

  1. The title of this post made me laugh. Birdy used to do this with me, which is one of the reasons why it didn’t work for me. To me, it shows disinterest (despite the date you planned). I had a great time when we were together, but during the time we were apart, it was like I didn’t exist. That really bothered me.

    • I felt pretty clever with the title 😉
      Sorry to hear you’ve experienced this too. I suspect the tall dude is someone who may be quiet until after a few dates, because has been occasionally chatty. If that’s not the case, like you, I will have trouble with things being silent between dates.

  2. I guess the dating game isn’t an exacting science. I would think you need a pretty big chin to take the knocks on. Jay. X.

    • It’s definitely not an exact science and I get so annoyed now at the wealth of “expert” guidance online that tells you if someone does X it means Y. Sure, that’s sometimes true (as in, you’re supposed to meet for a date and he never texts you for days and then comes up with some truly lame excuse) but more often than not we get into trouble when we assume we know what another persons intentions are.

    • That goes contrary to so much of the other advice I’ve gotten here… saying that when a date (and time) are set two days prior why would I assume someone is going to reconfirm again the day prior? I had a bunch of friends tell me that their boyfriends or spouses don’t bother confirming details until just a few hours before.

      I agree with you that if I’d sent a note yesterday evening and said “hey what’s the plan for tomorrow” and I didn’t hear anything back for hours then that’s not a good sign.

      But in the interest of not adding a point to the “Ann you’re obviously insecure because you text proactively” peanut gallery team (I’m laughing as I write this) I DIDN’T send that text.

      All goes to show that dating is a huge pain in the ass.

      There’s a followup post coming. And my Mom had a good feeling about him and I can’t believe her sixth sense is wrong, can I?

    • Mine has some pretty strong feelings about things sometimes. She knew I was pregnant before I even told her, and she wasn’t even in the country at the time. So I told her not to jinx this with him but I liked that she had a good feeling. She hasn’t said this about anyone yet.

  3. Have you ever considered using a meat-world matchmaking service?

    Seriously.

    It would be an expense, but there are professionals who do this whole “put person A with person B” professionally, and a competent, skilled, qualified professional – in ANY field – is worth every cent.

    Granted, I’m not single and I’m not looking for a new partner, so I don’t/can’t truly understand where you’re coming from. That said: When I try to put myself in your shoes, when it comes to the continual dating fails I read about here, I think, “What a colossal waste of time and energy!”

    My time is valuable. I can’t imagine spending such a huge amount of it repeatedly dealing with the same types of issues from the same types of men found via the same modality, etc.

    When I have a problem I can’t fix alone, I hire a professional with the skills who can.

    So again, the question: Have you considered utilizing the professional skills of a meat-world matchmaker?

    I’m genuinely curious.

    • i have thought about it briefly, yes. But I don’t know that I’m yet ready to exert that much energy into dating. I know I’ve been writing a lot about things, obviously, it’s what I do… but since that bad experience in Feb/Mar I’ve been very low key from a dating perspective. And Kyle, aka the Tall Man, is someone worth checking out for a little while.
      But I agree…outsourcing at some point is likely going to be what I do!!

  4. Hi Ann…I would not like it if a date, or even just a friend, treated me with such disregard. This guy is providing a clear picture of his priorities. It would help me decide real quick to just walk away. I think your time is precious and should be spent with people who treat it (and you) as such. That isn’t being bitchy, that is just reality. I’m looking forward to hearing what transpired.

    • I just posted it. I don’t think he really disregarded me in this – from his perspective we had a confirmed date and time. Would I have liked to know the specific plan sooner? Yes. But I chose not to make it a big deal, and I’m glad I didn’t.

What do you think?