If I try to hammer out 1,000 word posts (my usual) and not have any cliffhangers I think my head will explode. I’ll have too much building up in my brain without writing it down. The only way I’ll be able to update on Ian / Tony / new first date guy is to just write in smaller chunks based on the time I have.
First to deal with is Tony.
Prior to seeing him yesterday, it had been 2.5 weeks prior. We were supposed to meet the night he ended up being hospitalized. A few days later he came over and I remember feeling that something was just… off.
I’m learning through all these dating experiences that I pick up on far more signals than I am aware of; however knowing what they mean is the key.
He was going to be gone for 10 days for work, out of the country.
Prior to his leaving he told me he was likely going to have his phone off because on his last trip his phone bill was far too big. We exchanged a few emails here and there but nothing much the first few days.
On other trips he’d sent me pictures – of himself, or the scenery. We would still text or talk on the phone. But this time was different; he said it wouldn’t work to talk, he was having “phone issues”.
Something was wrong.
This is a man who I’ve spoken to – as in, on the phone – almost every single day since October (except for a few weeks after we broke up in January). I’m the only person he’s ever wanted to speak to every day.
I checked out his ex-wife’s Instagram account. Pictures of her and their son in Barbados.
I was busy with other stuff but I knew something was up with him. I strongly suspected he was on a trip with her. But at the same time, it seemed like a very elaborate lie to make up an entire work trip. He’d given me too many details. So I did some quick fact checking and concluded he may have started on a work trip in the location he told me, but he was then with her.
As much as I thought I was right, I hated to think I was. I told myself I was probably imagining things. But I realized the hurt and anger over his lies from Chapter One of our relationship were just under the surface (I can’t for the life of me find the post, but he was with another woman after he said we were exclusive). I didn’t trust him, clearly.
I suppose since Chapter Two in October I felt immune to the lies; that surely it didn’t apply to me anymore. I thought given everything he said about how he felt about me, I was above that. I was the one he told everything to. Sure, he lied to Mary about our trip, and if I’d given it much thought I could have predicted if he was about to do something with her, he would likely not be able to tell me.
I’d emailed him saying I was having a really shitty week. He acknowledged it but didn’t call, which was unusual.
Via email, we had made plans to get together the day after he returned, a Saturday. A few days prior he wrote to say he was sorry but he could no longer meet; he had plans that were in place for so long he’d forgotten. I believed him, but he didn’t expand on what those plans were. We settled on him coming over on Sunday night.
He sent me a text the moment he got home from “work”. We had a a brief exchange and I asked him why he was being coy about his plans for Saturday.
In response he gave me all the details of his plans, and then expressed surprise I wasn’t out. Yes, I was home alone on a Friday night with no plans. I had lamented this fact to a girlfriend earlier in the evening but ended up working until almost 10pm so it was ultimately moot.
In response, I said “I told you I wasn’t feeling well. Have a good day tomorrow.” I was angry he hadn’t reached out to talk to me, and suspicious he’d been lying.
The next morning I was walking in my neighborhood, my phone rang and it was him.
We talked for an hour.
He talked about the job and how busy it was. Made a point to say he had phone problems and didn’t talk to anyone. He told me he wanted to be sure to get in touch with me right away when he got home, and he was worried about me because I said I wasn’t doing well.
I told him it was inconceivable to me he didn’t have any time for 10 days to talk to me, and I was upset he didn’t make the effort to reach out.
And then the lies really started.
All images in this series are from the Cary Grant movie “My Favorite Wife”